Eh?

When I was a kid, my brother and I fought constantly. Because my brother and my sister were in no sort of rivalry, i was left out just like old laundary.

My father, he was no bother. On a good day he was great, on a bad day...well, he didnt see me as 8. He saw me as a bag, a sack that he could rag on untol the last seed fell out in the form of emotion. Im not a dry kid i've just no ease of commotion i dont want to show up any promotion, I never knew that with emotion came a devotion towards compulsion. I just saw it as a big bag of meh.

I didn't see it as bad, what's so bad about not being sad? Whats so bad about being able to feel any form of a emotional trauma as a joke. What's the problem with never feeling like you needed a coddle, whats so bad about only ever laughing in place of being mad, who says life is about emotion. What's the issue with not needing a tissue

At least that's what i said.

This was until a few years ago. When i was just 14 i was no older than a freshman. When i held a knife to my throat, a pill bottle full of my hopes and thought "with just a little choke", this was no trope.

With every passing second i knew i was passing ever closer

Life is just a numbers game, spin a wheel a thousand times and you'll eventually land on failure and shame, we live in a world of 1's and 0's not even knowing the significance of what's inbetween

We see the world through such a shallow lense that if you flattened it out and gave it a cleanse it would seem so foreign that we'd only turn away blindly, we'd give it no second thought, no passing words kindly

and that's what i live for

When i was a kid i was that flattened out lens. I had no bends, only Breaks. And those breaks were faulty.

They didn't stop on a dime they just kept on flying not caring about time, time i kept locked up with my emotions waiting to be released and show up all previous commotions.

Life sucks, it really does. But how you let it affect you comes as quicly as it passes. We aren't feeling crushed up petals, we're feeling it like strong sturdy metals. We don't tiptoe through the meadow we bulldoze through the window. We aren't specs flying along aimlessly at some 200,000 miles an hour on a rock as a spaceship, we are motherfucking beasts who wtih one turn of phrase could blow up this rock and every other rock we please. We are destruction, we hear the pitter patter of someones footsteps and tap tap tap that trigger so it stops halfway to its destination. We are the constituates to all that will ever be good and if somebody has the audacity to tell you any different just slap them with a cold hard barbituate. Alchohal, because that's the remedy to pessimism, that's the so called anathema that people praiuse on a cold day. That's the issue that causes shattered houses and frozen blood cells in cappalades. Sure if you're down on friends you've always got the bottle but that bottle will always end. It's going to cuddle you as comfortablly as steel wool cuddles a battery.

We don't need some phony remedy. Some, fix all medley, some pill at the ready. We need each other, and if you think for a second you're alone in this world. It's because you've never taken the time to listen.; Listen to all those screaming" I can help." Listen for all the tiny voices saying you can't then tell them to shut the fuck up and listen for once. Tell them that you have 7 billion 37 million other things around you that matter more than the sorry excuse for sorrow that they offer. Tell them that when you were a kid you were just laundry and if laundry can march on beat then it deserves to keep on going until it can't anymore.

Life isn't about what you do, it's about how you do it. And if you can pick up a mic and spew it then life doesn't care if you're fluent just puke it. let it run freely, everlasting over the emotions of those marching off beat. Letting them know that there's somebody out there who understands and if they need a friend don't turn to the bottle. Turn to the throttle and let it roar a thousand times as you speed down a racetrack of sucess and happiness. Because life will never say yes, It will only ever motion towards you as if to say, go ahead.