Daily Musings

Started the day about 6.30 , hungry and in need of coffee as always a little nervous from the residue of yesterdays Valium . Getting through the day is tough here sure this is not the Bangkok Hilton but to go from YA BA to BA BA is surely a culture shock . The pun intended to represent the difficulty of going from whoring , drugging and drinking in down town Bangkok , to Welsh suburbia with rabbits , sheep , and Badgers .
Previously I have been unable to adapt the constant nagging loneliness , the nagging neurosis of my aging parents have turned this tranquil little corner of the world in to a living hell . A place of utter solitude , darkness and depression . I have sat on this couch alone numb , lonely anxious , unable to sleep , desperately hoping for the day I get away back to YA BA . I have tried engaging my father , it hurts my neck but I feel its something good , for him and for me . The leech that I am on there resources , they deserve at least this modicum of respect . What he wants me to do, I don,t know, I see he wishes for a relationship with his son . I wish him no harm , indeed good health but see this is not a likely course , and that polite banter is at least a start . We have sport in common . There,s nothing I hate more though than watching sport with my father , he seems to enjoy to criticize the irrelevant entities this I can never find common ground with . "Oh come on where is the defence " . Yeah yeah I may reply nonchalantly .
So he tried a little comedy , political satire , segments on you tube from some witty over educated Cambridge toff . Very witty , but my neck hurts . I feel the need to show him that I can appreciate humor so I suggest a little Jim Jeffries, the crude , talented Australian comedian . I,m careful to pick a segment on you tube , that may contain as little profanity as possible and certainly no sexual references , Sexual matter ,My father and I , well it makes me unable to breath , I must be in need of some sort of primal scream . My father and I , forced to endure intense sensory deprivation , before through practiced hypnosis and psychotherapy being taken back to our most pertinent infant traumas . Naked and wriggling round on the ground , The torrential emotional outpouring , the immediate release of strain on our joints , the tightness instantly removed from our stomachs , tears of joy relieve and sadness , streaming down our faces in one ultra holy cataclysm , before warmly and passionately embracing still naked . ' I love you Father " , I love you son " well would that not be a novelty ? I hope that does not happen .