A Humbling Start

A Humbling Start



How would you feel, if at 4, you had to follow your mom to seek refuge at a shelter home? How would you feel at such tender age, you had to watch, first your dad, and then your mom both die in front of your very eyes leaving you alone to cope in this world, with a younger sister to take care of? How would you feel, when at 17, you know you are inflicted with HIV, a legacy passed down to you by one of your parents?

 

I simply cannot imagine the feeling. Yet I was privileged and honoured to meet such an individual. A bespectacled shy young man, fair with wavy hair, softly spoken, yet you can see in his eyes his acceptance to what God has decreed to be his fate. I am humbled.

 

This young man, who now calls the orphanage Positive Home (Posh) his home, shares it with some 7 other boys (ages between 11- 14) and 2 little girls (8 and 9) - mostly abandoned at birth, all inflicted with the same predicament. Looking at them, one would probably not guess they are victims of HIV - they fool around just like any other young children their age, they are curious, they are trusting and they welcome people who come to visit them with the innocence that come with their age.

 

Yet, according to âMak Wâ who runs the home, the Mother Theresa for these kids, these younger boys, who are not yet quite aware of what is happening to them, seem to realise that they are not like other children who have parents and a house to call their own home. Thus, according to âMak Wâ, they seem to play only amongst themselves, are very shy and unsure. Most of them are slow learners, by virtue of their nerves probably affected by the virus; or as in the case of little S, she was found abandoned at a car park, with ants already covering her body, and according to Mak W, the abandonment had affected her nervous system. She cannot walk.

 

As the boys grow into teenage years, the symptoms start to show, the extreme fatigue, the secondary infections which are so hard to treat (due to lowered immunity) and âMak Wâ explains that sooner or later these boys will have to be told the truth. She can only pray that they will be able to accept their fate as well as Z, the 17 year old has, and remember that all is not lost, for as long as they have their faith in God.

 

As for the young man Z, he seems to take things in his stride. He hopes to leave the home at 18, and find a job should he fail to get a place to further his studies. He is aware of the prognosis of HIV, but that certainly has not stopped him from planning a future. 

 

His soft-spoken voice still rings in my ears, the look of acceptance in his eyes still clear in my mind and my heart goes out to him. A mother of 2 teenagers myself, I can see the opportunities and chances in life denied to him - being homeless, unable to live like other teenagers, the uncertainty of the future for him, the relationship barriers he has to overcome if he discloses the truth about himself to others. Yet, he smiled when he spoke to me, and he could look at me in the eye after some time. He has accepted his fate, but he has not given up.

 

And that is enlightening to me. This young man did not ask to be afflicted with HIV. He has done nothing wrong to deserve this. But such is the Will of God - He tests whom He wills. And this young man knows this; I do not detect the slightest anger or hatred in him. He accepts his fate. I can see in his eyes, he is alone, lonely, but I also know he is at peace with himself.

 

And as I left him, left the home, most humbled, I am left to ask of myself - with all the blessings of God bestowed upon me, with friends and loved ones around me, why do I still lament, why do I still want more? When others were not even given the chance right from the beginning. May God forgive me.

 

And may God bless âMak Wâ and all the children of the home.