Broken

I had a plan. Step one was knowing what I was walking into. Step two was knowing how to avoid putting myself in that situation. Step three was getting out as soon as I could. Step four was making sure I never ended up here again.
I had a backup plan. Step one was knowing that I was going to end up in that situation regardless of what I did. Step two was fighting as hard as I could until I got myself out of it. Step three was walking away and never looking back. Step four was making sure they knew I never ended up here again.
So how did I end up here? I had my plans. I had my solution to any problem I met along the way. But I never executed a single step of any plan. I stood by, like a witness to my own situation, just staying out of the way and hoping it would all just go away. It didn't go away, it was never going to go away. I could have made it go away if I just followed my plan, but instead, I just pretended like it didn't exist. I pretended I didn't exist. Like if it was ignored long enough, it would just disappear. I would just disappear. These situations never disappear and neither did I.
What happens now? There's really nothing to be done. Unless I'm unaware that time travel actually does exist. If that were the case, I could go back and make myself take action. I could convince myself to stick to the plan. I could...do nothing. Even with time travel, I would still be the same person. I would have the same way of thinking. This situation would produce the same result. I'd be right where I am now, wishing things were different.
Why aren't things different? If I know what to do and how do to it, why is it so hard to just follow through? Why is it that whenever these situations come up, it's always the same result. We're supposed to learn from our mistakes, but why did I really learn? I knew what I was supposed to do beforehand. I knew how to do it beforehand. I still didn't do it. I wanted to, I just didn't do it. So what did I learn? I learned that I can't handle the situations I need to in the way I want to. I learned that I'll probably live with the regret of not following through on my plans forever. I learned that somehow, even though I'm fully capable of doing so, I will probably never get myself out of these situations in the future.
Others will tell me this isn't my fault. They always say that. They do it more because they have to than because they actually believe it. When you're given all the tools for the job, you know how to do the job, you have the chance to do the job right and you still fail to complete it, how is that not your fault? That's entirely your fault. This is entirely my fault.
What do I do to fix this? If this is who I am, the person destined to repeat the same mistakes over and over again, how do I change that? How do I change myself when I'm the one who is the problem? It's like asking a broken toy to glue itself back together. But when everyone else believes you're fine the way you are and you're the only one who sees the problem, who's left to fix you? How does the toy get fixed when no one realizes it's broken? The toy gets fixed when it breaks more and people finally realize there's a problem. I can't be fixed until someone else realizes I'm broken.
How broken do I have to be? Broken enough that I can't rely on myself anymore. Broken enough that someone else sees how desperately I need to be helped. Broken enough that I can finally stop asking for help I never receive. Broken enough that I may never be fully repaired. Broken beyond repair. Useless. Dying. Dead.