the monster i created

I thought about you today.
Your smile that I love so much,
Your voice as soft as a babies whisper,
Your lips warm and gentle,

Looking into your eyes my heart skipped a beat,
Longing to be whisked away by your kiss,
You made me feel like no one else,
You gave me everything, but it wasn't enough.

I lied.
I was dishonest.
I betrayed you.
I cheated.

You turned into a person I never thought you would,
You were always the one, who loved more I never would have imagined,
You walked away with no shame or remorse,
I still want to pretend that everything is fine.

Such painful happiness,
Pretending to live in a tranquil facade,
Mind says one thing but my heart says another,
Hours felt like seconds, no amount of time was ever enough.

You comforted me like everything was fine,
Arms falling perfectly where they always fell,
Bringing forth such painful happiness,
Eyes closed with ecstasy from your kiss,

The halo over your head soon turned black,
Infatuated with the person I knew long ago,
I was blind by the person you became,
My stomach sickened,

You said you would love me no matter what,
I miss you, I want you, I’m sorry.
My heart is frozen unable to beat,
My emotions in their own purgatory,

Frustrations, anger, hate.
I want to hate you but I still love you,
My mind says one thing but my heart says another,
I don’t understand what’s right or wrong,

Wasted hours spent talking discussing the love we shared, right?
Or was it just me?
Was I the only one? Where were you?

Salty streams gliding gently down my cheek,
Reminiscent of the amazing memories we shared,
Mourning the relationship, I ruined.
I’m sorry.

You became a cruel heartless bastard,
But me?
I have myself,
And you’re all alone with the monster I created.