Part 2 of God Revealed to Me

{size:5Where I Am Now with My “Invisible Illness”





Dear: “Invisible Illness” this page will one day soon be an obituary for you.  I absolutely, positively, HATE you and what you have stole from me.  Someday real soon, I will reclaim my body regardless of the damage you have inflicted on it.  My body will not be as it once was and I will not be as I once was.  But, a new person will find a way to fight you and conquer.  My hatred for you, somehow, someway has to beat you!

I really can't pinpoint when all this began.  Before I was pregnant with DJ, I was taking antidepressants. I believe depression is an illness that someone is born with.  You don't just acquire it one day, it may lay dormant in one's body for awhile and then something happens and wakes it up. Please, dear readers, please take something from my pages and learn so that you can help anyone who suffers from any illness. People with depression cannot be consoled, just hold them tight and let them know you love them, that really is about all you do for them.  And don't fool yourselves, depression is more than sadness you feel due to a sad event.  It is a chemical imbalance in a person's brain.  Don't ask someone with depression: Why are you sad, what do you have to be sad about? Although, this wasn't officially diagnosed until 2013.  You are despised, hated and must be beat.

Back in 1994  we had a daycare, hopefully you read ”Face One of Three”, I talk about the daycare and how good it was going. Also mentioned was the Stained glass business. Financially were doing great, kinda like riding a bike on a smooth, flat surface.  In 1996 I finally got pregnant after 15 years.  We were shocked , and ecstatic.  But, this threw my hormones way out of whack and this is where my old self died and “Invisible Illness” took over.  “Invisible Illness” I know you did this and I let you.  Oh, how I hate you!

She had an appointment to see a doctor but, before she could see her saw you through her hormones out of whack.  Depression and total confusion took over her very sense of being. She simply woke one morning decided she was going to close the daycare.  You didn't even give her the opportunity to talk to her husband about it.  You just jumped in and made her impulsively take action, this was not her it was you. You took over her body and wrote a big sign, took everything that was related to the daycare, put in in the front yard and hung up the sing which simply said “Free.”  It's strange, she didn't feel any emotion at that time, no sadness, no worries about how her family was now going to pay their, just empty.

To keep themselves a float for a few months, they had no choice but sell of the Stained glass supplies.  Do you have any ides what you caused.  They lost their home and are clueless how they will pick up the pieces you so thoughtlessly left for them.   

She continuously went to the doctor with one complaint after another and he ordered medication and all sorts of tests only to find nothing wrong  After awhile, she thinks her family physician saw her as a hypochondriac and stopped taking her complaints serious.  He still saw her, got his paycheck on Friday, but didn't seem like he was actually hearing her.  She wanted to scream at him! Tell him that something is wrong, are you not listening to me! You are the doctor, you are suppose to heal people when they are sick! Fix me!!!!

To get rid of her he referred her to a specialist, a Rheumatologist. Even this doctor cannot defeat you, how  did you become so strong. Oh, she know, you are growing stronger by stealing all her energy, hope and dreams.  Oh, how I HATE you!

Once other illnesses were ruled out we were left with one diagnosis “Fibromyalgia” thats a NASTY word.  In the medical field this is referred to as “garbage bag” term. All of our symptoms get thrown into one garbage bag and that's it no more testing. The problem with that logic is usually when a trash bag is full, it is tied up and taken to the curb to wait to go to the dump. Well, her symptoms were filling up that garbage bag but, nobody was taking out to the street.  The bag just continued to be stuffed, one day that bag is going bust. Why doesn't somebody just take this dam garbage bag out for the trash man? Oh, why she asks can't I git rid of you.  Go away, I wish Jesus would come down and take you and throw you into the fiery pits of hell!

For more on invisible illness, visit this website:

httpp://facebook.com/invisible0illlness0petition : This site is filled with information on Fibromyalgia, COPD, depression and other “Invisible Illness.” So in 2009, the diagnosis of Fibromyalgia was official, along with several other illnesses.  At first she was glad to finally get a diagnosis, to put a name to on all these symptoms.  But after researching for various remedies she realized how meaningless this diagnosis really is. How can you be so strong so as to fool society as well! 

She thought she was loosing my mind back then, now she just plain know, she have lost her mind. For 20 years you made her so feel so hopeless, she resorted to drinking and taking prescription medication.  Because of you, she became dependent on these to get through each and everyday. Like you didn't already have enough of her!! Come on stop enough is enough already!! She barely has anything left for you to take!! Won't you leave her something, please?!!

I guess, she hasn't lost her mind, she knows where it is, you took it.  She doesn't know how to get it back. Her life has been stolen by this illness, you control her mind and her body. You have created a new “her” and she does not like this new person at all. 

She completely stopped dreaming of a brighter future or of a better life.  She no longer wants to grow old with her husband, because she feels like a burden.  No  longer is the person peppy and full of life.  You stole her positive, hopeful disposition.  She is defeated and beat down.  She is always extremely tired and doesn't want to fight anymore.  You have sucked up all her energy and desire to go out of the house and live. 

You have taken away the desire to do the things that David and her used to love to do. She can't hike, she can barely walk on flat ground without loosing her balance.  She lives in a body wretched with pain every day. She walks like a drunk, always stumbling into things.

You have taken her from a 106 pound person to a 230 pound body, which she can't stand to look at. You have stripped her of the ability to exercise, so therefore this body is extremely deconditioned.  How can she loose weight, you won't let her exercise.  You have drained this body of all energy, stamina and ability to physically be active. You won't even let her breath enough air for her to take short walks.  Why, do you feel the need to continue to torment her!!! Haven't you been listening!  She HATES you! Go away!

  Her dream of being a proud recipient of a Master's degree has vanished.  She went from an A student, to one who couldn't complete research papers, project or homework assignments.  You took one of her favorite skills and made into a daily challenge “reading.” What kind of thing are you anyway? She thinks you are a demon sent from Hell! Oh, you just wait and see, someday you will be sent back to where you came from!

Sometime she can't sleep for days, other times she sleeps for days.  She can't focus, comprehend, can't think of words when she is talking, sometimes she can't even follow a conversation. She can't even pretend to be intelligent, she acts like a dam fool. 

Her ability to be creative and crafty is gone. She can't knit, crotchet or do anything that requires following directions.  Painting, wood carving, wood burning or other such crafts can longer be a part of her.  You have made her fingers stiff and painful.

She has panic and anxiety attacks that go on for hours. You made them feel like a heart attack, so she would go to the ER only to appear like a fool She cries at random moments and for no apparent reason. She is becoming and angry, irritated old hag.  She has stopped trying to get people to believe this illness is real and the symptoms as well.  She doesn't even care if people don't believe this is real, there's no point. What you do to her body sounds ridiculous even to her, how can she expect others to believe her. You are grinding away at her nerves, she feels like exploding at times. Go away already!!! Please, leave her alone!!!

  She even finds herself thinking the unthinkable, suicide, the thought doesn't even scare her. But, God must have plans for her, because twice she went beyond thinking of suicide.  But here she is, both times God sent an Angel to her and prevented her from going through with the suicide.  But, thanks to you that thought always lingers in mind.  That Angel swoops down and reminds her of who she would be hurting the most, her family.

You may always be a part of her life.  A companion she will always have to live with.  As long as she believes you came from the pits of Hell, there must be hope.  Because, God never looses a  fight!!!  Someway, somehow, someday you will no longer control her soul. You have managed to beat down that soul for years.  You have quenched the sparks that were way down deep into her very sense of being.  She can't hardly remember who she was before.  But, some time real soon, with God's help you will be defeated



 

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