Girl In Progress

EXTRACT - CHAPTER 1 TITLE "The Fear"



"Kathy, purleease I think my blood sugar levels are acting up again. You know I'm diabetic, well my Dad is so there is a good chance that I am too. I haven't been to the doctor or that, not paying that dirty pervert 60 quid to feel me up and tell me something I already know...." 



My head was banging, I swear I am never drinking again. Every thump is punctuated with Eva's voice.



"I am going to faint if I don't get something to eat soon"...Thump...

"You can't be as bad as me"....thump...

"Fecking fags, everyone knows smoking gives you the absolute worst hangovers"..THUMP.



"Anyways" she gives me a brief percursory glance before she continues. I attempt to eye her dangerously but its belied by the fact I am also trying to fashion a eye patch over my left eye which is now weeping with the palm of my left hand. "You are... you know, bigger than me so you can hold more drink".



THUMP THUMP THUMP.



True, Eva was a complete light weight. At a petite 5ft 2 and skinny as a rack (partly because of the aforementioned smoking, the girl barely feckin ate put she was always pulling a fag in her mouth), it took two large glasses of red vino and she was a complete loon.



I had heard variations of this argument before. Every weekend was like Groundhog day, except I think Bill Murray eventually evolved to a more sensitive and enlighted person by reliving his experiences over and over again. Eva Dolan not so much. She was still getting absolutely blotto every Saturday night, then getting off with some random guy (who this morning, had now thankfully left) and I, had to pick up the fragile pieces. Gone was the fierce Amazion women that took on half of Wexford street last night, she was now replaced by a helpless sickly looking girl sucking on a fag like it was a lollipop laying in heap on the bed in front of me. I could continue to argue with her or I could make life easier on myself and save some of my much waning energy to carry out her biddening. We both knew I would do it, the game always ended in the same result, it was just a question of when.



"Fine, I'll go to the shop, what do you want then" I sighed. Ignoring my annoyance, she barely hesitates. "Peppermint cream bar, some King's crisps, a Tango Twister and box of 20 Benson cigarettes". She shoved a crumbled tenner into my hand, "and, what ever you want yourself". "Eva, I told you I am trying to be good".  "Ah, feck diets, why you dieting for, all you need is to go into Marks & Sparks and get a decent bra to lift your massive bazonna's up from your knee" she giggles. "Thanks for the pep talk". She simpered back into the bed, a triumphant smile on her face as she turned her back to me. "Oh, Kathy" she yawned "Yep","Brush your hair first, you look like a troll".



Why do I let her get her way everytime I grumble to myself as I slowly crawl towards the local gas station. As I approach the shop entrance, a friendly looking man stops to hold the door open for me. He starts to smile kindly at me until he catches the distinct pang of alcohol that seems now to be eradiating from every pore of my body. He grimaces disapprovingly and steps sideways with a muttered "tut tut" as I pass him at the door. Great this must be what if feels like to have leprosy. I could almost read the thought bubble above his head shouting "Unclean, Unclean". I pull the zipper of my anorak up and shuffle uneasily over to the freezer aisle. Nice, the cold blast of air gives me temporary relief from the alcohol sweats. I start to mentally recall the Diva's demand list. "Twister for Eva, Iceberger for me. Wait, no Kathy. I censor myself. I am not going to join Eva in her slothen ways this time. I walk with renewed conviction to the bread aisle and grab a Weight Watchers loaf of bread. The whole meal one, at least they have decent slices. I tried the white pan in the toaster once before and it was nearly cremated after 2 minutes. Little wonder they can promise so little calories, it like trying to swallow thin air. Okay, so what else did she want. Peppermint bar, better get two. No King's crisps, sugar, okay Tayto will have to do. Oh, 2 for 1 on Malteasers.



I make my way to the till cradling my purchases like a newborn. The man behind the counter locks eyes with me curiously as I piled my stash on to the counter. He probably silently judging me too. I sneakily cup my hands to my mouth pretending to stiffle a cough as I sniff my breath. Great, I smell like a distillery. He continues to eye me as he scans the food through, I start to rock uncomfortablely under his gaze. Maybe I do look like a troll?



Finally the awkward silence is interupted. "Miss, may I ask you a question" I brace myself, uncertain of what to do but my inherent politeness betrays me and I say yes. "Why are you buying all those sweets, if you are trying to lose weight". He holds the Weight Watcher incriminately in my face. I splutter out an excuse as a flush of red spreads up my neck. "Its not for me" I squeek" "the sweets, I mean." He pauses for a moment, undeterred by my protests, he continues to question me. "Are you buying them for your children?". Christ alive, is this seriously happening to me!  I can feel my face heaten. He must think I am carry baby weight. My face must be a fully blown crimson now. "No, they are for a friend" I mumble rather unconvincingly. I hastly shove the sweets into my bag, avoiding any direct eye contact as I throw the change on the counter.  When I do look up, I can see him give me a pitfull look. Poor alcoholic fat girl. 



I nearly bump into the next customer behind me as I try to escape the mortification. Oh god, I feel like a complete loser. I can feel hot tears well in my eyes as I walk/run from my own personal hell. By the time, I return to the apartment, my eyes are red and sore from tears, the remains of last night's mascara smudged on my cheeks, my hair now stuck to my forehead.



"Christ, what happened to you" Eva gapes. Between strangled sobs, I manage to get my tale of woe out. Eva, listens and curses the shop keeper (which she is now affectionally calling the Knob without a knob" That's what I love about Eva, she might sometimes come accross as a little, just a tiny bit self involved but when push comes to shove always has my back when I need it.  "I have half a mind to go down there and tell him where to get off" Eva spits out vehomisly, her energy has been renewed by her sudden intake of sugar. "Here, have some Malteasers, that will make you feel better." I try to protest "Fuck, the diet, you NEED chocolate right now" "Yeah", I agree dejectedly "I'll start again tomorrow". "Hmm, yeah always best to start on Monday, who the fuck diets at the weekend" Eva voice becomes muffled as she looks through the shopping bag " Kath....did you remember to get my fags" I shove another fist of Malteasers into my mouth.