the diary of a manic depressed junkie

most people who write an account of their lives are in a stage where theyve faced most of the time adversity in some form.a tragedy maybe some horrific event or a brief moment of fame.they may even had excelled in some form or have accomplished some grand selfless gesture this aint one of those this is an account of not getting where you want to be in life. failling at every turn and fucking up almost every chance youve ever had.most people when writing an autobiography may have faced adversity and got through the other side of some major trauma where they can look back at how bad their lives were.again this aint one of those im stuck in this nightmare i call a life a living hell.just finished a 12 hour heroin binge i say that not as something to be proud of not gloryifying drugs in anyway.
it was by no means glamarous in a house with 2 other heroin addicts injecting myself with heroin with my two fingers crossed hoping please can this be the one that takes me out of the game.even as im writing this i can see how absurd that sounds.At the point of writing this i dont want to die i aint suicidle but its those brief moments of complete and utter hoplesness that comes from nowhere that has compelled me to write as much as i can a truly honest and accurate account of my life.My thoughts and my feelings.as i said the feeling of complete and utter hoplessness comes from nowhere but actually everything comes from somewhere. Even if i cant pin point what part of my life it comes from just now maybe after seeing all my faults in black and white i may gain a better understanding of how,why and maybe even which events in my life have got me to this point.anyway its been like this for a while.its been like a stalemate in a game of chess.not being able to move forward ive been single for a while i know that is one of the things thats stopped me from moving on.i wouldnt consider myself not a bad looking guy.im tall dark haired athletic build tanned skin.28 years old i aint dirk diggler i aint a flop in that department either id say average.my only long lasting relationship the only time ive been in love we had a good sex life.
In her own words that was one area of the relationship that we got on.
I got my ex fiancee pregnant when i was fifteen years old she was sixteen.I was happy most teenage boys would be shitting themselves at the prospect of being a dad at sixteen.i was in love though i thought i would spend the rest of my life with this girl.Me and her against the world no one could stop us.My older brother was three years older than me.He was working in a local resturaunt he got me a job washing dishes.he was a functioning alchoholic,pot head and cocaine user.growing up on a council estate in the west coast of scotland on the outskirts of Glasgow.i wasnt a stranger to drugs.Both MY PARENTS.