Me oh me

         

Stacy Vazquez          May 25,
         2014          Psychiatry Rm. 26

Life
is wonderful. Life is awful. Life is everything. Life is nothing.

Twice
a week has to be tiring for you. I could never keep up. In and out,
in and out. The device surgically implanted in your chest. Always
cold, always shaky. It runs in the family they said. It's no big
deal they said. 705 days later, it's still the thing of nightmares
to me. The constant stream of sympathy and pity would eventually make
me sick. You can't do anything alone. You're treated like a young
child. You're too strong to be walked on. Don't leave me alone, I
need your love.

When
you get a cut your kids have to up and run out of fear of your
tainted blood. The past caught up to you worse than you ever thought.
Slowly dying every day, you act like nothing's wrong. I watch how
much you hurt. It tears me apart inside. My rock, my anchor, you've
always kept me steady. Grounded. You help me discover my love of
helping others. Thank you for taking the place of my mother. Please
see a doctor, you're fading away. Don't leave me alone, I need
your love.

No
one takes you seriously because of your nefarious past. No one
believes the truth that spills from your mouth every time you cry.
You can't catch a break. Everyone always judging every little
mistake. You don't need hate in your life. You need safety and
hope. You're in a rut. Why doesn't anyone help you? Please try to
save yourself. I can't have you go away. Don't leave me alone, I
need your love.

The
outside is all they see of me. At least that's what I thought.
There's more to this than meets the eye. Lack of self-control they
call it. When it's the other way around. My firm grasp on my
self-control is what has put me where I am. I like control, I crave
control. Things that I can't control are the things I fear the
most. Everything is my fault. I'm slowly being crushed by my own
guilt. I have no one. I am no one. Why does everyone leave me alone?
Can't they see I need their love?