I’m Only Ever Looking Back

-I’m Only Ever looking Back-
by Keaton Foster



The past
Wicked
Repressed
Hidden in my chest
Buried inside my head
The deepest part of my soul
Such a lesion
Oh how does it grow
A sickness consuming
My natural condition
Leaving me infectious
Forcing me to expel
The madness of my thoughts
Forcing me to flood these pages
With ideas that repulse others
Causing them to flee the stage
Initiating them to escape reality
Retreating back into their fantasy
Where they don’t trust what I say
Where they only believe
In what they truly know
Such fools are easily tricked
Such maroons are quickly bamboozled
Judgment for and by the judgmental
Is the key to all of our success
I’m only ever looking back
What I am able to see is terrifying
What I am to feel is pure brutality
Most days I drop to my knees
Screaming for an ounce of mercy
Pleading for a mountain leniency
Asking the one who I still refuse
To lend me a sense of ease
Regardless of any price he deems
There will never be a reply
Just more of the same
His wicked lesson endures
His plan for me won’t be ignored
I was born for this twisted role
It just took me decades to know
And a lifetime to understand
I’m only ever looking back
What I see
What I know
Like all else is the absolute truth
But unlike them I don’t honor it
I still find my ways to refuse
All that is being read
All that is being confessed are lies
Far lighter tales carefully told
A lessoning of our ways
It’s what people like me just do
I’m only ever looking back
As all others see forward
Far beyond their purpose and meaning
Far beyond what they have come to call living
Am I jealous of them
Read the page, know the meaning
See what it is I’m saying
And then you’ll know
How could I ever be…




I’m Only Ever Looking Back
Written by Keaton Foster Copyright © 2014.