The Leap

The Leap.
Written By Albin Duclos

This was the worst that could happen: the death of my dear brother Benjamin. His smile was a sort of rarity, but appreciated when shown, and his mind was of that the gods would not give to any normal boy, The All gave this gift of alienating Multi-perceptive wisdom to him, and to him only it seems. I tried to follow, and I did succeed in expanding the thoughts I explore, but Benjamin was always one step ahead.
I was told by Benjamin multiple times, during the last pages of his life, That he was planning to take “The Leap Of Men Who Are Not Afraid.” That is what he said to me, and that was all the explanation I got from him, “Magick is the work of enlightened secrecy Brother, to reveal would be to fail” Is what he said to me when I had asked him the meaning of his plan.
It was October 1, 1977, in the afternoon, When I was told by my mother that the night before, Benjamin had shot himself in the park by his home.
I was 15, Benjamin was 17.
I had never felt before what I felt when my mother told me how Benjamin spent the night before; While I was asleep, he was alive; When I awoke, He was dead; I cried tears of blood and screamed at the bringer of this news, my mother, who I loved very much; I know she did not wish to break my heart, but that is what she had done. Benjamin had proved to be a companion of celestial worths. In our relationship there was no romance, no homosexual intentions, but still I grew to love this Brother of mine like no other.
Let me clarify for anyone wondering: Benjamin was not of the same blood as I, but our friendship carried itself like that of two brothers.

A little Time passed after that, like it will always do no matter how convinced you are that your world has stopped. I cried endlessly and thought extensively about my Brother. I did not know what was next, I usually followed him, and now he has gone to a world that requires a journey I was not brave enough to take as he was.


It was the 3rd of October, A couple nights after Benjamins suicide, and I was laying in mental anguish, Crying and loathing, before I eventually fell asleep. I had no more tears to spew forth, and my heart was tired I guess, Because this was the first rest I had ever experienced of its kind. He had Visited me.

        THE DREAM OF OCTOBER THIRD’S NIGHT

I was in the park, night had fallen and the moon arose, I was sad to find myself to be alone though. I walked into the baseball diamond, admiring the scene that might have taken my brother; There he was.
He walked towards me with haste, I trembled, I knew how this scene really ended, and I did not want to see him expire. “Brother, do not let your fear interrupt these urgent messages, my word is a tool. I am absent in your time now, and for that im sorry Brother; But Donny, do not fear what I have done, soon your eyes will open and the door will be closing, you will be given the choice between choices.” Benjamin said to me; I could not keep from crying in front of him.
“Why was it your plan to leave me with the rest of the world?” I asked him, in tears; i truly could not keep it together, even when my own brother asked it of me. He gave me a look of care, he knew i had every right to act how I was, He had left me without a goodbye, and without an explanation. He continued to look into my watering eyes, and I grew angry at the smile he wore as I wept.
“Keep calm and soon it will be over Donny” said Benjamin, He Concluded with “Remember: Not Everything Is What It Seems.”
That is something he would say to me often when he was alive, It reassured me. I smiled and looked at my feet, which were two shapes floating with a green lined-haze. I Looked up to find Benjamin stepping back where he had come from. I noticed the pistol in his right hand, my heart sank.

“Please Benjamin, I do not wish to see you like this, please stay with me in my dreams, We have the Inner Cosmos to ourselves. I cry for you when im awake, and I speak to you when im asleep, what is to happen when you go away? Am I to move on? Am I a toy to you? Please come back.”

He turned to me with the gun rising up towards his head, saying “Theres another one for You, Brother” Before he pulled the trigger. The scene froze as the bullet hit the side of his head. As the small mist of red attacked the barrel of the old pistol, the world was swallowed by darkness and I felt fear once again.


                   


                      OCTOBER 4, 1977.
                        (Four Days After Benjamins Suicide)

I awoke with sweat and panic. Was what I just experienced genuine? Or was it a gesture of pity from my Subconscious? It battled within me for awhile; My mother commented as I walked Into Her vision, “Honey, How was your sleep?”
I Did not tell her about my talk with Benjamin. She would only be worried. I Started skipping school after Benjamins death, I decided it was a waste of energy. It was angering the Education we were served. An environment that prohibits movement is very deceitful when compared to reality; Matter and life moves in a chaotic synchronization of random Rhythm and will do so until The All does different; So why must we learn the exact opposite?
I for-see a disease rising within this strange and weak system, A virus which brings destruction and Violence.
I spent my days, no matter how cliche it sounds, walking along a stream. I would venture until I reached an area notorious for being the Lovers Spot, There I stayed unless there were no couples to watch. I began loathing the Affection of others. I felt it was my purpose to warn them: Your love is Mortal, it will not last; do not venture forth for it will only result in your loss.
That day on the 4th, I had been spotted by a Boy and his girl, sitting and staring. He yelled and I proceeded to leave the area, He chased after me in a walk, but I managed to escape the ape of a man, Probably a Football player, Rewarding himself for running with a ball, By deflowering a Young girl in the woods.
The rest of the day was a blur of boring pity and expected Melancholy. The sadness I felt for Benjamin was turning to rock, it was rotting into Sick anger. The tears I cried, now felt like Bottled Violence. I went home, Sat in my room, and Imagined myself molesting the pretty Fourteen Year-old (Im guessing her age by her appearance) That I had witnessed at Lovers Spot. Her hair was a dark sea of Black, sparkled by a mist of brown that created the facade one would call “Dirty Blonde”.
Would it be unusual to ask her for sex soon? Surely I am available, sweet, sensitive; And she enjoys being fucked within the woods, upon the dirt and leaves, Under the Sky and its Moon; so for Her to say no would be a spectacle which must be witnessed to be believed.
I Masturbated to the Violent Defilement Of The Girl I Desired, Before going to bed. I had never really felt sexuality like I did on the night of the 4th. I had been distracted By Benjamin and his Knowledge.