Checkpoints

Checkpoints

         I almost dozed off… again. My morning commute had evolved into a grueling hike that consisted of two Red Bulls and one fatigued, middle-aged, underpaid, female insurance agent that was living paycheck to paycheck. Why two Red Bulls? My doctor claims I have a sleep disorder that causes heavy fatigue and mild irritability. The mild irritability was misdiagnosed.
“FUCKIN SUNDAY DRIVER!” I blurted out the window, trying not to spill my caffeinated beverage. Some asshole took his sweet time merging into my lane. Cement trucks littered the highway shoulders, which wasn’t uncommon as you neared the city. Although this was daily routine, I had been feeling much more exhausted than usual for a hump-day. Must have been a correlation with the weight increase, but what do doctors know?
“I hate this song.” I choked miserable, stabbing at the preset radio numbers. Each song that followed was more disturbing than the one prior. It was as if musicians had become so lazy they started meshing random sounds together in order to produce some sort of mediocre fluff, spewing nonsense to corporate drones similar to yours truly. But today was different; I was too irritated to absorb it. My head felt heavy and nodded forward.
“WAKE UP JAIMIE!” I smacked myself in the cheek.
“OW!” I didn’t realize it was going to hurt that much. I wanted to laugh at my imprudence, but I needed to pay attention. I cranked up the air conditioner. The blast of chilly air was futile. Before I knew it both energy drinks were depleted and I had nothing left to sustain the final miles of my travel. My eyelids grew heavy and began to twitch. I fought it best I could, but the warmth of sleep consumed my being. Before I could snap back to attention, I heard the sound. BRARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! That semi-truck came out of nowhere… or maybe I did. Either way, it wasn’t good. I remember that distinct noise. It was like metal being ground up in a garbage disposal. A glass shattering reverberation made way through my skull, teetering from one ear to the other. Everything hurt pretty badly for a moment. Fortunately, the pain quickly dissipated. I was thankful it did, but before I realized why, my vision went dark. I regretted letting go…
         
         As you’re dying, they say you recall a series of memories you had encountered throughout your lifetime that, in essence, make up a visual collage of your most significant experiences. They also say that if you were good you’ll go to Heaven where streets are paved in gold, and if you were bad; Hell, where you’ll permanently play musical chairs with pitchforks.  Don’t believe the hype; it’s bullshit. When I died, I just died. Maybe I wasn’t special, but then again they probably tell you those types of things so you won’t fear death. Think about it, if everyone cowered under the Grim Reaper’s scythe, the world would probably end up imploding through a series of human-induced disasters. Wait…
         “AGH!” I gagged up a chunk of phlegm. Before I could continue pondering my fate, I had awoken. I was lying on my side in a humid room overwhelmed with blackness. The ground felt soft, like a rubber gymnastic mat. I didn’t want to move in fear of... well, just fear. I waited a while, listening for a clue of some sort. I was certain it wasn’t a hospital, nor was it my bedroom. Maybe I died and woke up in my coffin?  My patience was wearing thin and I decided to do the most intelligent thing I could…
“HELLO! IS ANYONE THERE?” I blurted out before thinking of the consequences. CLAMP! The sound of a large switch echoed throughout the room and it became illuminate. Wow, if I didn’t know where I was before, I definitely didn’t know now. The room was narrow but the ceiling was high. Each wall was a different color; red, blue, green, and dull pink. The mat I had been lying on; orange. I sat and up studied my surroundings.
“What the hell… Where the fuck am I?” I questioned myself in disbelief. What could this place be?
“You’re at a checkpoint!” A wiry voice shouted from over my shoulder. I spun around so fast I almost fell over. Up in the high corner of the ceiling was the torso of an unidentifiable creature, its eyes blinked rapidly as they opened. I call it a creature because it was like nothing I’d ever seen or read about. Its face was long and oval, it had giant white teeth, and its skin tone was grey. He beamed down at me as if I was the first person he’d seen in a long time, or maybe he was expecting me. Whatever the case, I was pretty traumatized. He could tell I was flustered, so he took control of the situation.
“Relax! I can tell you’re pretty concerned, but before you panic, please let me elaborate. My name is Roob and I’m your checkpoint controller.” He twisted his torso around, trying to find a comfortable position.
“Wha..” I started.
“What’s a checkpoint? I’ll get there, but please, Jaime, let me finish! If you have any questions once I’m done, please hesitate to ask, because I really hate explaining things twice.” Roob looked at me sternly.
“I’m kidding, I’m here to help! Now, where was I? Ah, your checkpoint! Well, surprise Jaime, you’re dead!” Roob stated, a bit casual considering my predicament.
“I’m dead…” I glared at him, annoyed with his explanation.
“Um, yes. You don’t remember?” Roob closed his eyes and began to meditate. He opened them again. “You died in a car crash. You couldn’t stay awake. You were tired because you were fat. You …”
Roob continued, but I ignored him. Not just because he was obnoxious, but when he had mentioned that I had been overweight in past tense, I looked down and realized I wasn’t anymore. I was back in shape! I was mid-twenties Jaime! I couldn’t have been happier. I grabbed my stomach and tugged at my lean abdominals.
“Wow!” I exclaimed under my breath. Roob stopped midway through his explanation and examined my actions with confusion.
“What are you doing?” Roob asked, frightened to hear my response.
“Can’t you see, Roob? The fat! It’s gone!” I slapped my stomach proudly. Roob rolled his beady eyes.
“Very nice. If you’d pay attention, then you’d know why you’re here. Now, once you die, you end up back at the checkpoi…” Roob continued to explain. Unfortunately, my attention span was limited. As Roob blabbered on, I noticed four very large, yellow tubes lining the pink wall adjacent to him. They resembled the structures you’d find housed in a Chuck-E-Cheese or McDonalds Play Place. My nostalgia kicked in and I approached them. Roob’s eyes followed as I peered inside one of the openings.
“I’m not getting through to this one. I suppose she needs to learn the hard way.” Roob whispered to himself.
“What was that, Roob?” I turned back, demanding an answer. “Just because I’m not listening to you doesn’t mean I’m fuckin’ deaf!”
I stuck my head back in the tube. I couldn’t help but notice hearing the faint sound of children’s laughter in the distance. It was oddly alluring.
“You’re impossible!” Roob shouted, frustrated by my ignorance.
“Listen, you talking ceiling fan,” I started. “Just because you reside here doesn’t mean you can boss me around. For all I know, I’m in a coma right now. Let me do my thing and if I need your help, I’ll holler for you, okay?”
Roob smirked at my witty spirit. He must’ve seen this sort of thing before.
“Alright, Jaime… I’ll be here.” He responded softly, withholding his angst.  I smiled at him awkwardly.
“You’re not going anywhere, right?” I made my ascent up the tube before Roob had a chance to respond. The steep angle made it difficult to climb. Luckily, I was in pretty decent shape. I heaved myself up like an acrobat. Muscle memory had proven effective, for I had been a gymnast in my early years. The laughter of children grew louder.
“Hey! Who’s up there?” I couldn’t see what was at the top, as the tube pivoted toward the right. I continued climbing and pulled myself up to the edge. What I saw, I almost couldn’t comprehend.
“Jaime! I see you! Come over here!” A mysterious woman inquired. Her voice was soft and sweet… almost angelic. As I made myself comfortable, I peered out of the tube’s orifice to find myself in the midst of a large playground. As the children dashed around I could feel the warm summer breeze trickle through, brushing against my now youthful face. Although I didn’t recognize the place, I felt at home.
“Jaime! Don’t make me ask again!” The woman yelled. I squinted and noticed a woman in blue jean shorts and a sunflower t-shirt sitting on a park bench in the far distance. Mom?
“MOM!” I shouted. She couldn’t hear me. I leaned forward, afraid to exit my comfort zone. Could this be real?
“JUDY! IT’S ME, JAIM!” This time leaning so far I nearly toppled out of the opening. I could see my mother stand up. Her glowing blonde hair beamed under the sunlight, causing me to shield my eyes for a brief moment. She slowly approached the jungle gym.
“Jaime! It’s time to go!” She remarked as she drew closer. I was so nervous. I hadn’t seen my mother in years. She passed away when I was a teenager after the cancer took over.
“I CAN HEAR YOU! MOM! MOMMY!” I couldn’t help but feel like a six year old again. She was so close I could make out the faint mole on her left cheek. She stopped at the edge of the giant rig and placed her hands on her hips.
“What did I say? It’s time to go!” She looked so healthy. I couldn’t speak, my throat stiffened up. Before I could choke out a response, a small girl jumped out in front of me.
“HERE I AM!” The toddler belted.
“I know dear, I thought I lost you!” My mother responded, laughing sweetly.
“I was playing hide and seek! You’re supposed to come find me, that’s the whole point!” The little girl bent down and brushed off her tiny shoes. I remembered those shoes, the kind that light up when you stomped on the ground.
“It’s time to go, Jaim. Mommy’s gotta go to work soon!” She watched the little girl in awe as she carefully cleaned off her sneakers. After a moment, I had come to the realization that my mother wasn’t calling me Jaime.
“Hold on, I forgot my lunchbox!” The little girl twirled around and faced me. It was as if I had looked in the mirror thirty years ago, and that’s what I was afraid of. A tear escaped my eye. She shoved her hand inside of the tube. Startled, I tumbled backward and slid down the hard plastic. Once again, I had landed on the soft gym mat where I started.

“Back so soon?” Roob shot down at me.
“Wow… I don’t know what to say.” I rebutted. “I think I understand now.” I lied.
“Do you? Do you understand? Well please, explain it to me then.” He inquired.
“Okay, you win Roob! I don’t understand.” I began to cry. “I just saw my mother. She died so long ago and I never thought I’d see her again. I’m listening, okay?” I genuinely needed his guidance.
“Well, I realize none of this is easy. Believe it or not… you’ve been here before.” He was blunt about it.
“Been here before? What do you mean? I’ve died before?” I questioned him irately. I was upset.
“Technically… yes. You’ve died before, and you’ve been through this exact same process. It’s called checkpoints. When you die, you end up here again to make a decision. A very important decision I might add.” He seemed empathetic, like he had explained this to me several times; each time dealing with my utter lack of reality.
“Hinduism… Reincarnation… it’s all real. I was totally buying into the wrong religion this entire time!” I felt so stupid. “My entire life was a lie!” I placed my face in my hands and sobbed, feeling so sorry for myself.
“Well, not exactly,” he responded quickly. “A checkpoint is more of a gamble. Each of these three tubes generates a new life randomization. It pulls memories from your past life, scrambles them, and then builds a new life around them.” He explained thoroughly as he gestured toward the tubes.
“That doesn’t sound too risky. You said three tubes, there are four.” I immediately corrected his miscount.
“Ah, yes; the fourth tube. With it comes the gamble. You have been back here a total of five times, each of your past lives being different than the one before it. Every time you return you have two options. You can select a tube and enter it, and then pass through the portal into a randomly generated fresh life,” Roob continued his explanation before I interrupted.
“But if it’s all random, how come I could see through the portal? I could see my mom and I could see me! Wouldn’t that mean I’m essentially choosing where I go and who I am?” I questioned Roob emotionally. It was obvious I wore my heart on my sleeve. He continued on, understanding of my impatience.
“What you see through the portal isn’t what you’ll necessarily get. It’s a reflection of your memory being replayed. If you were to have exited through that portal, there’s a good chance you wouldn’t have ended up with your mother in the park. As I had previously emphasized, it’s all selected at random.” He finished.
“Okay, I get it. So what’s option two?” I was curious, but terrified. I wasn’t sure I wanted to know.
“Option two. Well, instead of continuing this silly journey of repeat lives and inevitable conclusions, you can pass forward into Paradise.” He smiled at me, as if he was hoping I’d make the right decision.

“Paradise? Like Heaven?” I questioned.

“In a sense, it’s like Heaven. It’s not what you might think Heaven consists of, but what Paradise truly is your brain could never conceive. It isn’t filled with physical desires; it’s overwhelmed with spiritual necessities.” He continued his description. I gawked at how incredible it all sounded.

“So if that’s option two, how come I never took it before?” I wondered.
“I often wondered that myself,” Roob exclaimed curiously. “Not many people decide to continue back through life a second time, much less several. I suppose there was always something beautiful about your memories that kept enchanting you.” Roob smiled. He seemed to understand me.
“I suppose… maybe my last life wasn’t as good as the others. It seemed pretty mediocre toward the end.” I looked up at Roob, still perplexed. Something wasn’t quite right. It felt like déjà vu in a sense, but it also felt like I had struggled with this decision before. “Well, I guess I might as well give option two a shot!”
“EXCELLENT!” Roob yelled from the ceiling. I was surprised by his excitement, but then again he had seen this process more than he wanted. “Now, all you have to do is climb up the fourth tube closest to me, and grab my hand.” He reached his hand out toward the thick plastic tube. I started over toward it and entered.
“NO NO NO!” He yelled. “Not in the tube, on the tube!” He explained. His tone seemed a bit harsh.
“Uh, okay…” I responded. “But why?”
“My dear Jaime, it’s the only way you can grab my hand.” He reached his arm out once more, gesturing toward the fourth tube. I shrugged it off and began to climb, dreaming of Paradise and what adventures laid ahead. The plastic rubbed against my legs…. the tube screeched. I neared ROOB, but as I drew closer he grew much uglier. He must’ve been pretty high up because when I could make out his appearance in detail it wasn’t pleasant. His skin was covered in thick lesions and his skull was lined with tiny bumps. I could see his extended hand; it was old and wrinkled. I made it to the top and sat sideways, my legs hanging off the edge. Roob’s hand was only a few feet away. I was excited.
“Well, I guess this is it!” I looked at him with anticipation. I could barely wait.
“Yes, now give me your hand!” He yelled back at me. I reached out and grabbed his palm. It was freezing cold and felt like something you’d find in a swamp. I closed my eyes and waited… nothing happened. I opened them. Roob was smiling deviously. The grey of his skin had begun to transfer onto mine, consuming my pores and overtaking my body.
“What’s going on? WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” I tried to pull away but we were bonded together. He laughed menacingly.
“Aw, Jaime, I’ve waited so long for this.” He continued to smile as I could feel my body transferring into his. Everything was blurry, but I could make out his face as he licked his lips. I felt my bones breaking as I was consumed into the corner ceiling where Roob was once stationed. It hurt so bad I had to close my eyes once more.
“I’M FREE!” Roob celebrated from the distance. I opened my eyes to see Roob; his torso and legs, standing in the center of the room; exactly where I had once been. The room was different, however. There was sand on the floor and palm trees lining the far wall. It must have been a piece of his memory recollection.  My physical pain had subsided, but the emotional pain was just setting in.
“WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!?” I choked. “YOU LIED TO ME!” I couldn’t believe what just happened. I had been deceived. Roob stretched out his arms and touched his toes. He was no longer a wrinkled up grey creature, he was almost attractive. Roob stopped and looked up at me.
“Wow…It feels so liberating being on the other end!” He cried out joyously. “I suppose I owe you an explanation,” he offered. It was the least he could do after what he had just done to me. I was too upset to speak.
“Most of what I said was true. You have been here several times before, and each time I had tried so hard to get you to choose option two. You wouldn’t. Reason being, your other lives were so fulfilling you didn’t want to abandon them.”
What he said started to make sense, and that was what I was afraid of.
“Your last life, on the other hand… wasn’t so fulfilling. You were miserable; you treated people poorly and once your mother died you gave up. You let yourself go and didn’t appreciate anything. When you came back to me I knew this was my chance. You were vulnerable.”
After he finished, I managed to choke out a question. I screamed at him!
“Vulnerable? You made Paradise sound so enticing. I wanted to go back, but you convinced me otherwise!” I wasn’t able to cry, as my new eyes didn’t have tear ducts.
“I suppose I spiced the offer up a bit. I did have a flair for sales in my last life. Come to think of it, that’s probably why I ended up where you are now.” He laughed at his witty remark. I couldn’t believe what just happened.
“Please don’t go!” I begged. “I’ll do anything. There’s gotta be a way for both of us to get out of here. You can’t leave me!” I could tell Roob was ignoring me, exactly as I had done to him earlier. He loved every minute of it.
“I wish I could tell you it’ll all be okay, just like the bitch that convinced me to take her hand ninety seven years ago. Oh man, if I get my hands on her!” Roob dashed into the second tube.
“WAIT! ROOB! DON’T GO! PLEASE!” I cried out in frustration. He slowly slid down and wedged his head out of the tube. I continued pleading.
“Thank you Roob! Don’t go. We can work this out. Let’s talk this out.” He came back. I was hopeful.
“Oh yea,” he looked up at me one last time. “Close your eyes before the lights go out. It really hurts.” He climbed back up the tube.
“WHAT? WHAT DO YOU MEAN?” I shouted. I heard a distinct sound as he passed through the portal and out of my life. Then the lights shut off… CLAMP!

“AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!” I should’ve taken his advice. Fuck, that hurt! I crawled back into myself, helpless and cold. Once again, I was unhappy with my circumstances. This time, I couldn’t change them.