"Never-Ending Cycle"

As the oppressive sound of the wooden gavel slamming down penetrated her ears, the mother heard the familiar phrase of “guilty.” This was not groundbreaking news; and for the first time in her life, it actually made her happy. Her life for the last ten years has been decorated with courtroom appearances and one-on-one monologues through two inches of Plexiglas. Consequently, this would be the last courtroom appearance she would ever make, and the last time she would ever hear that word. Ironically, her criminal record is blemish free; she has never been behind bars a day in her life. Despite receiving jail sentencing, she has still lived a life filled with punishments from the court system. Two questions arise from this helpless situation: “How is it possible to receive punishment from the government with no criminal actions?” and “What did she do to deserve such harsh punishments?” The answers to these questions are slightly unclear to her. She is blind to the second half of this cause and effect equation because the answers lie in her misfortune past. It’s a part of her past where decisions are based on satisfying her hormones and living solely in the moment; consequences are not thought of until it is too late, and boys, well boys are everything. This way of thinking wasn't her fault. Many fifteen-year-old girls think and behave in a destructive manner. I suppose it’s because it’s extremely difficult to visualize the future when you’re living in the present. It’s also equally as difficult to listen to parental advice when you clearly know everything you need to know about life. I mean at fifteen years old, what else is there to learn right.
One summer morning at the beginning of the school year, the fifteen-year-old Linda Surrell was dragging herself to class. There was a that bus picked up kids from her neighborhood, but she chose not to ride it because “poor kids” rode the bus to school. Therefore, she was willing to walk three miles a day, to and from school, in order to not look “poor.” She was poor though; it was no secret. Every kid attending W.T. White high school in 1985 could easily be considered poor. It was a poor side of town, with a poor schooling system, with poor law enforcement, and poor parenting. Not many people made it out of this poor way of life, although there was the occasional athlete that managed to elude all of the distractions. By some blessing a few kids were able to steer clear of the dead-end streets of their young lives and find the poorly lit street leading them from poverty.
Although the road she took to school was the quickest way; this morning she decided to go the long way. On her route she approached a group of kids sitting on the porch in front of a small house. As she got closer the kids noticed her, and began to greet her loud and abruptly. There was not a kid present as excited to see her as Clyde Surrell. Once she made it to the porch and received the marijuana pipe from one of her girlfriends, it became evident that school was not on her agenda for the day. The crowd of youngsters she met at the porch ranged from ages seventeen to twenty-five, all of whom were high school dropouts. At age fifteen, she was the youngest and newest face in the crowd; she was never short of attention from the boys. She could have dated any guy at school, but she was only interested in one guy: Clyde King. He was a twenty-year-old high school dropout. Her selection of boyfriend candidates was based on her extensive knowledge of the world and what she wanted in life. It is fair to say, “She really knew how to pick them”.
After months of flirting and avoiding “the question”, Linda and Clyde finally made their relationship official. As expected, Linda’s mom was extremely unhappy with the new relationship. In an attempt to keep Linda from rebelling anymore than she already was, Linda’s mom decided she would allow her daughter to date Clyde. The only stipulation was Linda had to keep all A’s and B’s in school. The idea was brilliant on her mom’s part. Use Linda’s over-driven hormones to power her under-driven academic career. This plan would lead Linda to academic excellence while also jump-starting her participation in the never-ending cycle found in most poor neighborhoods. Linda and Clyde spent every waking moment of the day together. He actually cared about her feelings and not just getting her in bed. Clyde was falling for a fifteen-year-old girl.
As time went on, Clyde and Linda’s relationship gained the physical aspect, and they found themselves in bed with each other every other day. Linda’s mom had mistakenly grown comfortable with her staying the night at his house. Clyde was Linda’s first sexual partner. Despite it not needing any boost; sex added another layer to her love for Clyde. She was completely head over heels for him. It is well known that once young girls become insanely in love with a man, they begin to lose their ability to think for themselves. Anything Clyde would suggest was the best idea in the world. Of course Clyde eventually suggested that condoms were pointless because they were in love. His logic was extremely illogical, and her understanding of his logic was erratically comprehended. This comprehension of a logical argument would affect Linda for the rest of her life.
Two years into their relationship, Clyde received a phone call from Linda he could barely understand due how excited she was. She told him she had a surprise for him, and that he should come over as soon as possible. The only possible surprise had to be sexual, so Clyde was at her door within ten minutes. While he approached her front door he noticed her mom’s car, and began to wonder what the surprise could be. Neither he nor Linda was brave enough to do anything sexual while her mom was home. As he pondered the possibilities Linda opened the front door with an enormous smile on her face. In her hand she held both her and Clyde’s livelihood, and on this livelihood stood a plus sign that symbolized positivity. Yes, Linda was pregnant with Clyde’s son. Linda had made up her mind to have the baby because she was under the impression that Clyde loved her and wanted to start a family. She had never been more wrong about anything in her life. Although he didn't jump for joy, Clyde received the news gracefully. If anything, he seemed extremely nervous for the events that would follow.
As the days passed, Linda’s stomach grew larger. The distance between Clyde and Linda grew larger as well. The couple began fighting over things that were never relevant before, and Clyde started spending time with her less than before. The love of her life was becoming a stranger, and the one person who she could turn to could do nothing but look upon her with a reminiscent eye. Linda’s mom had done a wonderful job trying to raise her, but it was difficult for her to do it alone. Ironically, Linda’s mom gave birth to her at the young age of seventeen, and after a short, failed attempt to be parents; her and Linda’s father split up. Shortly after they split up, Linda’s father disappeared from her life completely. He became a ghost in her imagination, and she could never want for anything more than her desire to have a father.
For the most part, history repeated itself in Linda’s situation. Clyde didn't disappear, but he wasn't present in Linda’s life. He was absent at his son’s birth, and he wasn't present at his son’s final sentencing to prison. Linda did her best to raise her son to become a respectable, responsible young man; but, just like her; he was unaware of the poorly lit road that could possibly lead him out of his poor city. A city where the poor excuses for fathers disappeared and the poor mothers did the best they could to raise poor children to make it out of their poor city. At the age of twelve, Linda’s son had his first run-in with the police and began his life-long journey to incarceration. Despite Linda’s efforts to keep him out of trouble, her son found himself in jail more often than he found himself in a classroom. It is one of nature’s hardest tasks; being a woman trying to raise a boy into a man. Women lack the knowledge of what being a man requires. In most cases, the attempt to defeat nature’s impossible task ends with great failure; just as it did in Linda’s case.
As she heard the word “guilty” for the last time during her son’s aggravated kidnapping, first-degree murder, and violation of parole charge; she felt the weight of the world lifted off her shoulders. This decision meant that her son would spend the rest of his life in prison and would never see the free world again, but she was relieved. The roller-coaster ride was finally over. She no longer had to attend embarrassing court hearings as the mother of a troubled criminal, who can’t seem to stay out of jail. She was free of the impossible burden of trying to raise a man alone. She had finally escaped the labyrinth that Clyde excused himself from 20 years ago.
She had lost hope in her son, and was content with the fact that he was on his way to prison, but she couldn't help but wonder how her son’s life would be if Clyde never left. As she exited the courtroom she caught a glimpse of an older man standing at the back of the room. Although he had characteristics of Clyde, she knew it was impossible for him to be present at anything concerning his son. Ignoring her thoughts of Clyde, she said a prayer for her son and exited the courtroom with her head held high. Although she had failed at raising her son, she was grateful that she never had to give a daughter the reminiscent look her mother had given her years ago.