Loud Music

Loud Music

I listen to loud music so I can't hear the lies my parents scream at me. "I love you." "I'm here for you." "You can tell me anything." I don't believe them.

I listen to loud music so I don't have to hear every souls problem that is obviously bigger than mine, right? I mean, what the hell are you gonna do after school with your boyfriend while I lay here in the dark wondering why I don't fucking have one.

I listen to loud music so I can't feel the stinging in my thighs and wrist. The wounds that I put upon myself throb as I remember why I put them there in the first place.

I listen to loud music so I don't have to think about my weight, my hair, that boy, my thighs, my face, that boy, my stomach, that boy.

I listen to loud music so I don't have to deal with all the insanity of reality. So I don't have to think about tomorrow or next year or college or after college or what if no college?!

I listen to loud music so I can just fucking drift away. So I can maybe experience what it feels like to be dead. But I'm fooling myself because when you die, you don't feel. But maybe that just makes death more appealing.

Maybe if I turn the music up loud enough the grim reaper will here my cry and come to save me.

Maybe if I drift far enough, I won't come back.