Grown Hands

Hands
Sitting in a stew
Of my own sadness
Wondering if I’ll ever know
wondering what to do
about everything that flood my mind
and heart
My grown baby sees my sadness
On a day that he is leaving-
again.
Sits by me
Holds my hand
In his
A hand I created –
me and God
A hand I’ve loved
for nineteen years
A hand that’s worked hard
Done homework, graduated high school
Gotten in trouble, hugged me
Brushed away tears, loved me
His hand in mine now
Is bigger than mine now
Flashes flood my mind
of his whole hand
Wrapped around only one of my fingers
And the today tears fall
As I realize, holding him
Caressing his grown hands now
That with a saddened heart
And a wish for more time
The scary reality
Of having to
let go
sinks in
He’s so grand, truly
Making his own path, doing his own thing
Decisions and consequences
And learning that comes from living
But here he is
Still loving me, learning from me
Caring, thoughtful, brave
My baby is big now
His hands and his whole self
But his heart is the same
always larger than life
So I let go of his hand
Watch him walk across the room
And know nothing in this world
Will stop that boy
Because I made sure
Nothing in the world
Would stop his momma