Keep Competition in Kids

**Note: I do not have my own children, but I have over a decade of experience with them, from working in a professional childcare setting, to caring for my nieces and nephews. This is not an article meant to come across as my telling anyone how to raise their child, just my opinion based on my personal experience. If your opinion differs, feel free to express it, I’d love to read it!**

I recently read an article entitled “Why We Need to Stop Raising Competitive Kids” by Alyson Schafer. I wanted to believe that she had come across a new approach to how kids were being raised, and read the entire piece looking for something that rang true with my experience with children. The article starts off talking about how the Olympics are creating a stir, and the competition that surrounds them leaves parents with the question; “Can your child cut it?” It goes on to say that while life is full of competitions, such as getting a good job or into a great school, parenting experts are suggesting staying away from competition at a young age. Alyson states

“I don't like graded report cards. I tell parents not to pay children for achieving good grades.”

then quotes Alfred Adler

"The competitive child must compete and win. The non-competitive child can compete whether he wins or loses."

Children’s sports are starting to take note of this shift, and the Ontario Soccer Association has gone so far as to remove scoring and standings for its junior teams. They suggest that children are leaving the sport too young because they feel discouraged when they don’t win.

“It turns out that when games are scored and a win moves you up in the standings, points become the singular focus. How does a team win? Give your best player the ball and have him or her take shots at the net. The strongest player gets better and the other children suffer. They don't learn to make passes, to make set-ups and do sophisticated plays. They don't practice the finer skills of the game.”

The way I see it, those kids who are the “stronger players” are the ones who are practicing on the days they don’t have soccer games. They are the ones who eat, sleep and breathe their sport. Why should they not be rewarded for their hard work? Why should the kids who spend more free time on other activities and don’t work at developing their skills get the same trophy? This is where I think we are failing. Kids are taught that losing is bad, and that no one should ever come in last place. What a wonderful ideal, if the world was…well…fair. Children need to be taught that even when they are in last place, even when they don’t get a trophy and someone else does, they are still important. This is what is going to help them get back up and try harder when they are not picked for the job/school/team. We should be encouraging them to try harder when they do not succeed. Children need to understand that there will be times in their lives they will not succeed.

I see the direction of so many parenting articles being shared around and it scares me. I see a generation of children being raised to believe that if something makes them feel bad, it is wrong. What happened to hard work pays off? By not rewarding your child for good grades, you teach them that doing well in school doesn’t matter. It is true that everyone learns in a different way, and the education system has its flaws, but the truth is, doing well in school does matter. Whether or not you believe in everything kids are learning in school and how they are learning it, those marks determine college/university acceptance, as well as the ease in which they branch into their future careers. A child who is taught that doing well in school is not something to strive for could potentially have problems later, learning that doing well in their job determines promotions, raises, and advancement in life in general.

Reality is, not every child is going to be great at soccer, etc. and the earlier they realize that, the better. They need to find something they are good at, or something they are so passionate about they will work until they are good at it. Most importantly, I believe that kids need to learn it is okay to be the ‘loser’ sometimes. When these kids reach adulthood, they need to understand that they will not get the job they want if they are not working harder than everyone else who wants that job, because life is a competition, and you will not get a trophy for just simply participating.

Original article
http://www.parentdish.ca/2014/02/14/kids-competitions-competitive-kids/