#confessions

#confessions: I always get this sense that things are wrong...a pang of fear that I turn around instantly with the thought that the universe will work things out exactly how it's supposed to, and all I can do is ride it out and enjoy what life is giving me at every moment because i believe every single moment is important no matter positive, negative, big, or small. All i can do is cherish life in the most honest way possible and I learn so much everyday. Sometimes its hard to find motivation, but ive learned that the best things come when you least expect them. Carpe diem. I understand it and live it, and it drives me mad everyday that everyone cannot see from my viewpoint. Not because i feel as though i am right...but because i know the feeling of being genuinely happy now within and without myself and i would love for everyone to feel this feeling of complete happiness. Although sometimes i may question myself, I am so confident deep down and I am very proud of myself for the amount of confidence i have put forth in these past few months. Not only for my confident actions but also for my confident thoughts which are based off my new understanding for life that i appreciate so greatly sometimes that i cry. The feeling of passion. The feeling of wanting to be somebody notable that i think of ways to make me a better me every single day. Inspiration. Its hard. Simple is more complex than you would imagine. I question myself everyday and think, "what if im just crazy and believe in myself for no reason?" "What if i fail, what if i become so depressed i give up?" "What if i were to die young because of the great understansing for life ive achieved..or have I?" Life is one big question...thats in a sublime song. I become filled with joy when i have a thought that i realize an artist i enjoy has mentioned and that i have the same understanding as someone who is somebody. I feel like a crazy person but i love it. I no longer am lost on how to go about sticky situations in life, yet there are days I feel as though I just dont have the drive to care anymore...but everybody has those days. I enjoy to take time to pride myself in my accomplishments and my opinion of me is becoming the most important. I will never be childlike and say I do not care what people think of me because I greatly do. I want everybody to love me. I want everyone to know the great person I believe I am and i'm aware of the fact there will be haters due to jealousy or misunderstandings but i will only let them make me stronger. That is all i know. In my parents eyes I may have made all the wrong decisions and will continue to but i have the utmost faith in myself and have become exceptionally better at proving my point to people. The more important you believe you are, the more serious you will be taken. I feel like these are life lessons everyone lives by but nobody understands the true meaning of...fools. Astrology and Vinnie have greatly affected my life. They've taught me how to be a better me. Vinnie has showed me a love that i truely appreciate, as well as how to handle things correctly so I dont fuck things up with my inevitably to put so much faith in someone to make me happy that i start to lose myself. Ultimately if I am not 100% happy with me and sure of myself then things will go sour. Astrology has taught me that his love brought me all the gifts i need to jumpstart an awesome me, and that everything happens for a reason...everything.