Depth of Darkness

The Depths of Darkness
by Jeff Janette

         The lion had given way to the lamb, and the shepherd quietly ushered in a picture-perfect day, announcing
the first of May. It was a Saturday, and although that usually warranted sleeping late, Daniel could not suppress the adrenaline which had made sleeping the night before difficult. He knew with the unusually warm weather that had lingered for the past two weeks, his favorite swimming hole would be ready to welcome him and his best friend, Damon.
         Daniel scurried about, hastily completing a few pre-assigned duties before grabbing a muffin on his way out the door. Anticipation fueled every pedal as he raced through the streets toward his partner's house. Every discussion they had had during the gray months about adventures to come raced through his mind, complimented by the joy of past experiences. One thought, however, frightened himdiving into the darkness and reaching the depths of their oasis.
         As the previous summer had come to a close, the boys had made one last trip to their favorite spot and bared the cooler waters for a final fiesta. Ever since the two had been going to the hidden area, they had both speculated as to the depth of the hole and what creatures laid in waiting. Although tough talk and bravado had submerged them on many occasions, fear quickly took control and brought them feverishly to the surface. An exchange of feeble excuses ensued, and they would swim to the bank, climb out on the bank and again discuss what would happen "one day".
         Remembering those times returned the smile to Daniel's face, his pace increasing with every turn of the sprocket. As he turned the corner onto Diablo Street, his pedaling slowed to a stop, and he coasted toward the dead end where his friend resided.
         This street had always intimidated Daniel because of the eeriness that lined each side in the form of drab, run-down framed houses. It was evident that these houses once were a source of pride and prosperity, but, in recent years, have been swallowed up by decadence and poverty. Daniel was uneasy riding down this road, but he stayed focused on the last house, the house which sat squarely at the end of the road, the house of his friend.
         Before Daniel reached the yard, Damon flung open the screen door and began to unchain his bike from a post on the front porch. Daniel slammed on his brakes in a power slide that sent rocks and dust into the air. Standing there taking pride in his stunt, he awed at the enormous cloud of dust he had created. "What are you waitin' for?" Daniel heard as Damon emerged from the cloud and sped by Daniel, leaving him in a cloud of his own. Daniel smiles and stood tall on his pedal, coaxing his bike forward as his friend increased his head start. Leaning over the handle bars in an aerodynamic position, Daniel raced to catch Damon who was now turning the corner and quickly out of sight. Before long, Daniel realized he could not overcome the separation and conceded. He sat upright in an attempt to fill his lungs with much needed air and give his legs a much needed break.
         Daniel made his way through the maze of streets and finally came upon the wooded area that guarded their secret swimming hole. As he wheeled his bike toward the hidden opening to their well trodden path, Daniel became exceedingly cautious, knowing all to well Damon's tendency to hid among the brush and leap out, causing him a variety of involuntary reaction, all of which were a source of embarrassment. Slowly, Daniel entered the dense underbrush, scouring every direction for any sign of Damon. Farther and farther, he crept. Soon he came upon a favorite area for Damon's surprise attacks, on in which the path wound through several felled trees, the remnants of the tornado of '82. His pace slowed to the point he could not maintain his balance and set foot on the ground. After several moments surveying the thick underbrush, Daniel came to an apprehensive conclusion that the coast was clear. This decision, combined with the impatience brought on by his deep-seeded desire to go swimming, caused Daniel to stand tall on his pedal once again. His speed increased as he expertly managed the winding path. With each turn of the sprocket, the suspicion that Damon lay in waiting decreased until Daniel reasoned that his friend's want for the water fun had precluded any thought of deception.
         With his confidence growing with every twist and turn, Daniel's eyes lost their scowl and lightened in conjunction with a boyish smile. With one additional turn, Daniel hit the straight away trough a grassy field. At the far end of the field, he could see the treetops stretching upward from the low-land, forming a canopy over their magical haven.
         In just a few moments, Daniel's visions would become reality once more. He neared the end of the lea which skirted the modest cliff guarding the deep end of the hole. He stood on his pedals in order to peer over the edge as each bit of ground gained unveiled more of their destination. One last turn around the antique white oak that towered from atop the cliff and which housed a platform for death-defying jumps and acrobatic rope swings. Daniel leaned hard into the left turn as there was only an allotment of three or four feet between the base of the massive tree and the cliff's edge. Just at that moment, Damon pounced from his hiding place behind the prodigious tree while expelling a growl from deep within and his arms raised. Daniel, who once again had been caught completely off guard, involuntarily lurched to the right, surpassing the volume of Damon's growl with a high-pitched scream of utter terror. The violence of his reaction sent Daniel uncontrollably towards the cliff's edge. Realizing the futility of the situation, Daniel leapt from his bike, over the edge, and toward the watery depths below. His descent was less that graceful, trying with all of his might to maneuver his body for a relatively painless entry. He failed. The flailing of his arms and legs was quickly halted by the surface of the frigid water, defining what is termed as a "belly flop". Fortunately for Daniel, the fact that he was still clothed assisted in diminishing the sting of contact, however, the apparel could not reduce the sting of the embarrassment growing inside of him. Once he gained his composure after a brief period underwater, he surfaced and began searching the landside heights for the one responsible. He saw no one, but a hearty laugh echoed throughout the trees converting his feelings of embarrassment into ire. Daniel rapidly swam toward shore as he vented his anger in a vivid description of the vengeance he would evoke upon his temporarily disbarred best friend. Once safely on dry land, Daniel's anger was overtaken by concern for what had become of his bike. Had it followed his into the pool? If had to have. Anxiously, Daniel stared at the water, trying to formulate a plan for retrieving it and an incredible tale to tell his parents should all efforts fail. Just the, he looked up the steep cliff and saw the front tire of his bike protruding from the tall grass, still spinning. Relief came over him, warming his body on the inside, while the rising sun thawed his exterior. With the realization that everything was alright, a smile returned to Daniel's face which grew into laughter at the whole ordeal. Damon emerged from cover atop the cliff and coasted down to where Daniel stood as both youths reveled in the humor of what had happened.
         After Daniel retrieved his bicycle, he and Damon quickly removed their clothes, except for the trunks they were wearing underneath. Since Damon had yet to be baptized into the new season of swimming, he raced up the trail to the top of the cliff and began climbing the crude ladder the two had fastened to the massive oak. With Daniel nipping at his heels, Damon stood atop the sturdy platform wedged in on of the highest forks. He reached out, grabbed the rope swing and pulled it toward himself. "Watch this," he boasted, looking down at Daniel. "I've been dreaming about this all winter." And with a vault catapulted by adrenaline, Damon flew from the tree and out over the water. Once his momentum had reached its pinnacle, he released the rope and executed a perfect full gainer before slicing into the water. He rapidly returned to the surface to let out a scream resounding the chilly condition of the water. Daniel followed his friend's shriek with a laugh of content knowing Damon had felt the same shock he had experienced. Nonetheless, Daniel hastily climbed upon the platform and grabbed the rope swaying before him. He lunged forward, venting a terrible rendition of the Tarzan yell before performing an awkward summersault that resembled a dying octopus more than a dive. When emerged from the water, Daniel's countenance expressed a smile which beamed as though he had just won the gold at the Olympics.
         "What was that?" cracked Damon. "I've seen dyin' birds with more grace than you!"
         "Aw, shut up!" retorted Daniel. "You can't do no better!"
The two exchanged quips of bravado and cut downs before both lying in the warm sun in an attempt to remedy the chill.
         Once warmed, the boys returned to the massive oak to perform a variety of daring stunts. After a while, though, the trip up the side of the cliff became less and less appetizing, eventually prompting both boys to hang out on the lower level and converse about whatever came to mind. And just like in previous summers, the talk eventually turned to the depths of the hole, and who would finally penetrate the darkness.
         During summers past, it had always been Damon that spurred most of the attempts with Daniel usually consenting with his ego rather than his heart. The difference was highlighted each time a dive would come, as it was Daniel repeatedly watching Damon's feet disappearing into the first level of darkness, where light lost.  The fears that grew him, depleting his oxygen supply, would habitually advise Daniel to reverse his position and dart back to the security of the surface. More times than not, Damon was not far behind, his gasping signaling how far he had pushed the limits before nature, not fear, forced him back. Disgusted at yet another failure, he would pound the water and reiterate how close he had to have been that time. A few times, he tried to convince Daniel that he had achieved the goal, but without some evidence from the bottom, the claims were quickly dismissed as false. So, the elusiveness remained and each boy claimed that today would be the day, even though the passion was clearly displayed by Damon.
         The talk turned to action and Damon sprinted toward the water, Daniel in tow. They hit the water with shallow dives and coasted toward the deepest water by the cliff. Both boys began treading water as they waited for courage to conquer their reservations. It did not take long before Damon's confidence level peaked, and he dove beneath the surface, leaving only a swell of bubbles caused by his violent kicks as evidence that he had even been there. Daniel briefly submerged and saw his friend's feet disappear into the darkness before returning to the surface. Daniel often used this ploy to give the illusion that he too had tried to reach the depths and failed. Combined with some timely heavy breathing, usually sufficed to keep his reputation safe.
         This time, though, events unfolded a bit differently than before. The period of time that had elapsed since Damon's dive grew longer and longer and with it grew Daniel's anxiety. His worry elevated into panic as he searched above and below the surface of the water to no avail. His calls rose in anguish while he spun rapidly, scanning the water for some sign of his friend. Then, a series of bubbles indicated the probable location of Damon. Daniel halted all movement, except those needed for buoyancy, and stared intently upon the area where an increasing number of air pockets were erupting. With time distorted by worry, watching the display of bubbles seemed eternal, when all of a sudden, the dark hair of his friend emerged from the water, rocketing into the air and pulling the rest of the body with it. Damon's mouth gaped as he fought to replenish his deprived lungs, the only sounds being that of exaggerated inhaling and exhaling. Daniel, however, unappreciative of the panic Damon had unjustly instilled in him expelled another colorful display of profane descriptors directed at Damon. Damon simply ingested the disdain with an increasingly broad smile on his face.
         "What the hell are you smilin' about, asshole?" Daniel quipped. No verbal response came, only a chuckle to accompany his smile as he smugly lifted his outstretched right hand to reveal the holy grail of the deep. From his hand oozed a mixture of mud and gravel laced with slime that would cause most people to turn away in disgust, but to the boys it was the most beautiful thing they had seen since Susan Maulter had moved to town two years ago. Damon raised his hand as high as he could as if raising a trophy before a crowd of spectators. He held it there until only trace amounts were left in the palm of his hand. Daniel, too, shard in the triumph of his friend as though he was the one who had breached the darkness. The duo swam to shore with what little strength remained and laid upon the bank, Daniel listening intently while Damon described the descent. 
         "Bro, let me tell ya one thing. It's colder than a well-digger's butt down there. It was so cold I thought I would freeze solid. I mean my fingers and toes began to hurt, bro. Just when I thought I couldn't go any further, I let out a little bit of air and pulled one more time. That' when I felt it, and let me tell ya, I didn't feel cold no more!"
         Damon continued to detail the event with Daniel eagerly hanging on every word. The champion relayed every moment of the experience with a fervor that invoked the deepest feelings of envy with Daniel. Not necessarily envy of grabbing a handful of muck, but of going against common sense, to defy nature's heeds, and emerge victorious.
         The jealousy within Daniel grew with every word Damon spoke until finally he stood with more determined posture than ever and stared down his nemesis. He dove back into the water and free-styled with uncharacteristic grace to the spot where all dives begin. With the green monster motivating every moment, Daniel took one last deep breath and began a dogged descent. As he approached the darkness, fear tried to permeate his resolve, but he simply closed his eyes and continued to pull against the water. The decline in water temperature signaled to the young adventurer that he had entered the abyss. Then it happened, again. The fear had had sequestered to this point finally grabbed hold in Daniel's mind, and this, in conjunction with the unfamiliarity of his surroundings, manifested into a
full-fledged panic like never before. His efforts to this point had all but depleted the oxygen levels, his body beginning to crave the life-sustaining substance. Adrenaline, released by the flight response, rushed through every vein, spurring the muscles into a full retreat. Daniel righted his body to ascend to life above. The distance traveled seemed much greater upon return as Daniel released the poison now left in his lungs. Every natural instinct yearned for him to inhale what the desired, only the mind knew that such an action would have the opposite effect. Daniel's eyes ogled the surface, seeing the distorted images of the trees, the cliff, the sky, everything that existed in his world. He began to feel the strength in his extremities fading, allowing his first thought of death to creep into his mind. He could not believe that he was going to die like this, for no reason, with no purpose. Anger now gripped him, and he defiantly made one last thrust upward, vaulting his head through the juncture between life and death. Daniel opened his mouth wide to inhale the precious air, taking with droplets of water. His lungs rejected the foreign substance with a series of violent coughs. Gaining his composure after a period of time, the relieved youth felt a calm come over him as he realized that he had defeated death on this day. However, deep within him, he did acknowledge the scar the battle had left.
         "Man, you alright?" Damon spewed amongst his laughter. "you not gonna die, are ya?"
         Daniel disregarded Damon's sarcasm and slowly worked his way to shore. With every ounce of strength he could muster, he pulled himself onto the solid ground and collapsed.
         "What's the matter, bro? You couldn't make it?"
         Daniel still would not respond to his friend's queries, only continuing to ingest the precious air with which he now realized he had a profound addiction. Damon, who now considered himself somewhat superior, continued with his degradation of his cohort, grinding the salt into his open wound. With his metabolism returning to normal, Daniel finally raised his head and looked over at Damon, still berating him through a smug grin.
         "Man, why don't you shut your mouth! You only did it once. You got lucky. You know damn well you can't do it again!"
         The expression on Damon's face changed immediately. He leaped up off the ground and stood over Daniel in an aggressive posture and casting his shadow over the still exhausted boy. Daniel's eyes widened with the thought that his friend was about to retaliate with physical violence. The silhouette of Damon sent a ripple of fear back through Daniel's feeble body, and he froze.
         "Watch me," Damon gritted though his clinched teeth and took off again in the direction of the deep hole. Once there, he turned to face Daniel, now sitting up on the bank. He took a deep breath and dove. Daniel erected himself a bit further, watching the spot of descent marked an array of bubbles. Within a few seconds, Damon resurfaced with nothing to show for his efforts.
         Of course Daniel took pleasure in his friend's failure and used that moment to satisfy his ego at Damon's expense.  "I told you you couldn't do it again. You probably didn't even do it the first time."
         The anger generated by Daniel's comments combined with his failure forced the blood to Damon's face causing it to glow like a raging fire. He did not give any retort to the antagonizing comments. He simple took in a series of deep breaths before inhaling one final breath that would take him into the depths of darkness.
         Daniel laid back with his hands behind his head, reveling in his ability to rid himself of shame and cast it upon Damon. He confidently assumed another quick return from his friend and began pondering what else he would say to maintain his edge. This time, however, Damon did not return as quickly as before. Curiously, Daniel sat up and began to speculate whether he had truly reached the bottom again. He waited. Nothing. He stood to gain a better vantage of the diving area. Nothing. No bubbles. No waves. Nothing. He took a few steps forward, his curiosity rapidly converting into concern. As he stood with his toes hanging off the bank, he finally saw a series of bubbles break the calm waters. Surely, this signaled Damon's return, he thought. But, unlike before, the bubbles were not followed by any form and again the water began to take on its natural state. The concern had risen to the level of panic, and Daniel dove in and pulled with everything he had. When he reached the area he believed to be Damon's diving point, he began a series of descents, searching for any sign of his friend. He would resurface each time and scour the surroundings, hoping Damon had just played another joke on him and would be laughing uncontrollably while rolling in the grass. Nothing. Another dive. And another. Daniel dove beneath the water, repeatedly challenging his dark nemesis in an attempt to locate his friend, but each of his efforts was in vain. Damon was deep within the darkness and had now been there much longer than nature would allow.
         The disparity of the situation, along with the futility of his efforts, forged a blade that pierced the heart of the young Daniel. Pain, a pain he had never felt before, began to magnify with every beat of his pounding heart until it forced salt tears from his eyes. In an attempt to release his agony, he began screaming his friend's name. Ironically, the resonation of his voice bounced about the trees and cliff and water as though nature was mocking his pleas, further twisting the knife in his heart.
         Consenting to the inevitability of the truth, Daniel slowly glided toward the bank, swallowing both water and tears and coughing up their bitter taste. He crawled up on the bank and vomited up the emotion that had twisted his insides. With exhaustion infecting every bit of his person, Daniel rolled onto his side and assumed the fetal position looking at the now serene waters. Reverting back in time to when such thought never existed, he began rocking back and forth, gazing through lifeless eyes, until sleep relieved them of their duties.
         Life had to continue for young Daniel in the years to come although initially he thought many times of joining his friend. The feeling of guilt eventually would loosen their grip on his conscience, allowing his to persevere through the darkest period of his life. Eventually, he would return to the secret hole, no longer a secret, and struggle with the roller coaster of emotions, carrying with it smiles and tears. But one thing has remained a constant since that fateful dayDaniel no longer fears the darkness and the depths in which it resides. He embraces it as a formidable part of life, one that demands respect from all, for those who underestimate its strength will succumb to its prowess.

March 9, 2005