Today Is The Day I'm Going To Die

         As I rode my scooter down the street I though to myself, today is the day I'm going to die.

         I've never liked myself. I probably never will. I look in the mirror and see myself everyday, the only difference, I don't like what I see. I see all the labels I've ever been given. Fat, ugly, stupid, retard, on and on and on. I hate it. I look at my eyes, grey in colour, dark circles surrounding them, showing all the sleepless nights. Seeing the hurt, I focus else where. Pale skin. Very fair. High cheek bones, small nose, round chin. Moving down to a slender neck, broad shoulders, noticeable collar bone, big breasts, fat. Fat, fat and more fat. Shaking my head I splash water on my face, brush my teeth and head to the living room. I don't go very far from the house. I don't want to be seen. I just want to be invisible, but I can't just stay home all day. I decide to go to the mall. I hate being seen, but I need to buy a new pair of jeans. These ones are full of holes. I decide not to drive my car. It's a nice day. I think about riding my bike,but quickly remember my tire is flat and I have no idea where the pump is. I decide to take my scooter. Small enough to fold up and clip on the strap to carry around, while getting some extra exercise in.

         With a click of the lock, I head out. Nice sunny day. Very light clouds dot the bright blue sky and the sun shines like glowing embers on the pavement I front of me, lighting my way down town. I feel warm and content. Nothing can dampen my mood today. I feel good about the choice to ride to the mall on my favourite childhood toy. My plan is to ride there and walk back, but the world has a different plan.

         I arrived at the mall, a faint trickle of sweat runs down my brow. As I wipe it away I take out a couple of coins to get some water out of the machine. As I push the coins into the slot, I think to myself 'It's warmer than I thought out there'. Grabbing the bottle out of the machine, I proceed to the nearest jean outlet, taking a few sips from my water in the process. I notice a few kids I went to school with, so I put my head down and quickened my pace. "Hey!" Shit, I've been spotted. "Hey I'm talking to you!" Head down, ignore them, they'll leave you alone. "Fatty!" I turn my head "Yeah, you. Why don't you go back to the zoo where you belong?"

         Turning to the boy I head toward him, rage building with every step. "What are you gunna do? Eat me!" My fast strides turned into rage filled sprints. Picking him up by his collars, I threw him on the floor, jumped on top of him and smacked his head into the ground. I could see the fear in his eyes as I got off of his chest. He held the same expression as his friends. A small pool of blood began to build on the floor. "Oh fuck!" I exclaimed kneeling beside him. "Don't just stand there like pansies, get him help!" He looked at me, "Get out of here you fat retarded freak"

         I ran, the others presuming my every step. I knew the were about to do as they had done in my school years. Knowing I couldn't stop the inevitable, I turned around to defend myself. I don't have a chance. I know I'm going to get the shit kicked out of me. The group hit me like a train. The next things I see are fists, feet, the bright blue sky dotted with light clouds and the sun on the blood spattered pavement.