Ella

"Hello?"

They are getting closer.  I can hear them. They won't find me here. I'm safe. Safe.

"Ella? Where are you?"

He is so close I can hear him breath. But I am safe here, under the coats.

"Ella... please come out... I love you."

The antenna in my head drones on in its monotone voice, saying nothing so loud it almost drowns out his words. I know who it is now. Shawn. Shawn. I have to keep him safe. I have to let him know that he needs to leave. "Run away! It's not safe here for you! They will get you!"

He steps even closer to the closet and slides the door open. I back further into the safety of the coats.

"Ella? Are you okay? Can you come out? It's time to eat."

"No! They are trying to get us! We need to hide and stay safe! They will kill you!"

"Can I come in there then?"

I think about it for a moment. The closet is the safest place in the house. Shawn won't hurt me. "...Okay. Come in."

He crawls in and lies down next to me, and puts his arms around me. "I love you. You are safe. No one is trying to get you." He whispers into my ear. I snuggle up against his warm body and start to cry.

                                                 ......................................







         I eat my noodles in silence, trying to forget the earlier episode. Shawn rubs my knee, staring at me quietly.

"Ella?"

I look at him warily.

"You do know that no one is out to get you, right?"

I nod, slurping up my noodles. That's right. No one is out to get me, there is no antenna in my head, and people don't live in water towers reading my thoughts and plotting against my life.

That is just crazy stuff. "I'm not crazy."

"I know you aren't, love. But these attacks you keep having, they are getting worse and more frequent..."

"I will be fine. It will probably never happen again."

"Okay, if you say so."

                                       ........................................................

         Shawn was at work again, so I was home alone. I sat on the couch, eating cottage cheese and looking at pictures of animals on my laptop. All of a sudden, the antenna voice screamed in my head, with words this time.

:YOU ARE NOT SAFESAFESAFE BE SAFE SHAWN THEY ARE GOING TO GET HIM KEEP HIM SAFE THEY ARE MADMADMAD ANGRY THAT YOU DISCOVERED THEM THEY ARE GOING TO KILL SHAWN SAFE SAFE SAFE::

I dropped my cottage cheese and curled into a ball. I knew right away the only way to save Shawn, but I didn't want to do it. But the love I had for him won out over my own life. I walked up the stairs to the bathroom and looked in the cabinet.  I found Shawn's mother's sleeping pills and shook the bottle. It was still pretty full. I took it downstairs and got a glass of water.

         One. Two. Four. Six.

I started taking them two at a time, staring into the bottle after each one to see how many were left. Slowly they started to disappear. 34. that is how many there were. That should be enough.

A few minutes later I start to get woozy and my stomach feels upset. The antenna has shut up finally, and I start to realize what I have done.  My cell phone is low on battery, but I call Shawn at work. I hate calling him at work; it always makes me feel bad.

"Hello?"

"Hi... It's Ella..."

"What's up?"

The next few words came out in a rush of tears. "I took a bunch of your mom's pills because the antenna told me they were going to kill you... I don't want to die!"

"No! Ella! Why would you do that?"

All I could manage was a sob.

"Okay, drink some water so you throw up, and call 911."

"No! I don't want to call 911!"

"Please! You have to! If you don't then I will!"

"No! Don't! Promise you won't! Promise!"

"Okay, I promise. Now drink some water and throw up. Please."

"Okay, I will."

"I'm going to hang up. Don't hurt yourself any more please."

"Okay. I love you."

"I love you too. Bye."

I got a big glass of water and chugged it down. Next thing I knew I was leaning over the toilet vomiting. But all I threw up was the water I had just drunk. I threw up some more and then stumbled to the couch.  I felt weird. I hoped I wasn't dying.

                                       ..........................................................

There was a knock at the door. I got up, wobbled a little bit, and considered hiding. No, I decided, the door needed answering. I opened the door to a police man. Shawn had lied to me.

"Hi, are you Ella?"

I nodded, too scared to speak.

"I understand you took some pills. Is it okay if I come in?

I nodded again, stepping aside so he could get past me.

                                       ......................................................

I ended up in an ambulance, on the way to the hospital. They had put an IV in my arm, which hurt. I hate needles.  Once I was at the hospital, they made me wait in a wheel chair for a room for an hour or so. Then they hooked me up to a saline drip, heart monitor, and some other stuff I wasn't sure what it was. Then I sat there. I had to have a sitter to make sure I didn't try to kill myself again.

The three day stay in the hospital was mostly just boring. I slept a lot, and watched some TV. I was moved up to the seventh floor and allowed visitors on the second day.

Shawn came to see me after work. He stepped into my room, looking worried. Then he kissed me, the worry melting away from his face.  We talked about things, like when I thought I would be out. He had to leave after only an hour though, and we said our goodbyes as he walked out.

                                       ............................................................

After all the drugs had worked out of my system, they decided to send me home. I was told to call a number to set up appointments with a counselor and a psychiatrist. I promised I would, and Shawn said he would hold me to it.

Out in the parking lot Shawn hugged me tightly. "I love you. Please don't ever do that again."

"Okay. I won't. I love you too."

We walked to the car in the cold wind. In the car, Shawn turned on the radio and surfed through channels until he found a station that was playing music. It was a song I didn't know.

Once we were home, Shawn made me call the number right away. I set up appointments for the counselor and the psychiatrist.

                                       ..................................................

The psychiatrist was an old balding indian man.

"How are you today?" His accent was quite thick.

"Um... Good..."

He asked a few more questions.

"And how did you end up in the hospital?"

"I uh... Tried to kill myself..."

"You are so young. Why would you do that?"

"The antenna told me to."

"The antenna?"

I don't want to tell him this, but I promised Shawn I would. "Yes. Sometimes I think there is an antenna planted in my head by people who live in water towers, and they use it to control my thoughts. Sometimes the antenna talks to me, tells me things about the water tower people or what they are planning to do."

"I see. What kind of things do they plan?"

"Mostly to kill me or my boyfriend."

"I see." He said "I see." a lot.







                   .................................

He ended up prescribing me an anti-depressant and an anti-psychotic. I felt miserable for having to take meds to be normal. I told Shawn this that night, and he hugged me.

"You have to take them, babe. They will help you and keep you out of the hospital. They aren't to make you normal. They are to make you feel better."

"Okay. I will take them.  I promise." Tears had started running out of my eyes.

                   ........................................

Three months later, it was almost Christmas. I had been taking my meds and going to all my doctor appointments, and I did feel a lot better. Not perfect, but better.

Shawn kissed me on the cheek and held my hand.

"Go get dressed up babe, we are going out to eat."

"Okay... How dressed up? Where are we going?"

"I'm not telling. Just dress up, silly."

Fifteen minutes later I came down stairs in a dress and makeup. With a big smile on his face, he ushered me through the snow into the car.

We ended up at a very fancy restaurant that I had never heard of. We got inside, and they asked for our reservations. I had never been to a restaurant that you needed reservations for.

At our table we had the most amazingly delicious food imaginable. "This is really good."

"Yeah, mine is too." He was wearing a silly grin on his face.

"What's up? Why are you grinning?"

"What, I'm not allowed to be happy?"

"Whatever. Something's up." He just grinned even bigger.

         ...............................................

I found out what was up after the dishes were cleared.

He fumbled around in his pocket and pulled out a small box. He opened it and slid it across the table. Inside was a beautiful diamond ring. "Ella, will you marry me?"

I was so happy and surprised that I started crying. "Yes!"

         ........................................

So that is my story. It doesn't end there, of course. My life is not a fairy tale now, or anything close. I still have hard days. But everything is a lot more bearable now. And I am happy.







         THE END