Welcome To Darlem

A gathering storm of crime was engulfing Darlem. The city’s best hope of getting the crime rate under control was Jeff and Jinxy, otherwise known as Team Chaos. With the police force on strike, Team Chaos were the only ones enforcing the law. Chief Taylor sighed loudly, he was days away from retirement and the Mayor was pressuring him to end the police strike but nothing was happening, the union was being unreasonable. As if that weren’t enough a breaking news alert went across the screen of his phone, he muttered to himself. “Welcome to Darlem, where the crime rate is higher than the population.”

The police radio squawked and asked for the officers to head to the bank. He squeezed his eyes shut and wondered what officers he was supposed to send. There were only two, so he felt his pocket to make sure he had his antacid pills. In any other city or any other time they would not be allowed anywhere near the police force.

Elsewhere around Town

“Come on Jinxy; admit that feathers are out of style. They are so Kesha; it’s time for you to get with the times.” Jeff admonished his friend. She narrowed her eyes, her plump lips thinned in a menacing way. She had the look of Rihanna without the messy drama of Chris Brown. “I only say this to you because as your gay best friend, it’s my job to keep you in fashion.”

“I’m my own fashion. Everything I do is trendy, and how dare you compare me to Kesha! I mean what’s next are you going to say that I remind you of the mom on The Cosby Show?” She playfully hit his shoulder. The radio they had been issued squawked at the same time they were having this conversation, “How do we stop this robber? I don’t think that twerking will help us this time, I mean this isn’t the stripper bank is it?”

“No, no. They don’t open until after noon, when all the strippers wake up and need to deposit their singles.” An idea hit him as he was answering; he was so excited that he almost began jumping up and down. “Why don’t we find wrecking balls and go in there on those? I mean look at how well that worked for Miley’s career.”

“Oh my God, that is genius! We can catch the robber and the Chief will be thrilled that we are so clever!” Jinxy grinned at her friend but their smiles faded faster than the sun set in the dreary city. “Where are we going to find a wrecking ball?”

“Isn’t there one over at the building that used to be used for the newspaper? Come to think of it, why did the newspaper go under, when crime is so high that they could make a fortune?”

“Because crime is so high. I mean reporters were being killed left and right. The ones who weren’t killed became bloggers. Who wants to be in a war zone or worse have the Darlem beat? I know that I wouldn’t want that.” Jinxy shivered as if it were the worst thing in the world.

“I think that we should be on the wrecking ball naked, I mean if we’re going to follow the Miley Cyrus career path, we might as well go all the way with it.” The building that had formerly housed the city paper came into sight, as did the infamous object that had jump started a singer’s career. They looked at each other as reality dawned on them, “Only one of us can ride the wrecking ball, the other one has to drive.”

“Oh no, I am not driving, unless you want another murder on your conscience. Remember when Chief Taylor let us take the patrol car and that woman kept honking at us when we were trying to get some KFC?”

“Will you let that go? I told you that I accidentally let my foot off the brake and hit the gas. I didn’t mean to run her over, at least not the fourth time.” Jinxy side eyed him, but when he pushed out his bottom lip as if to whine she gave in. “Plus it’ll be funnier if it’s me naked on there.”

Jinxy nodded. It was decided.

Never Hit So Low

The coldness from the ball was making Jeff rethink wanting to be the one who rode on it. When Jinxy pulled the construction instrument to a stop, Jeff sucked in a deep breath and gave her a thumb up. It was the signal they had agreed on, to indicate that he was ready to be sent through the building.

Going through the air at a high speed was thrilling for Jeff, then he heard the words that made it all the more better for him. Jinxy excitedly yelled, “Look its Chief Taylor, he came to see us once again catch our man!”

A quick glance over at The Chief and Jeff noted that he was reaching for the antacid pills that he kept in his pocket. It was something that he had made a mental note of talking about with his boss but never had gotten around to it. Before he could further into his theory of why antacids were needed, he was crashing through the building.

The robber was in his sight so he jumped off the ball and flew towards the criminal. Jeff made an X with his body, and enjoyed watching the robber being frozen in his place. Finally the robber turned around trying to run through the back door but Jeff had landed on him. He tried to squirm away but Jeff wasn’t letting him go. Though he did wish he had rethought the whole naked thing, he needed a pair of handcuffs. “Dude can you stop that, I’m gay and like bad boys.”

Jinxy ran in with Chief Taylor and threw him a pair of handcuffs, and shouted “We got our man again!”