Ling and his Celestial Teapot

Once upon a time, a man floated through the 13 heavens in a celestial teapot, and he was named Ling.
He had 3 disciples, Sing, Wing, and Sting.
They were braver than the 8 Immortal warriors of the Dao, and could channel their chi to form the ultimate magic...TEA MAGIC! And one day, they met a beautiful goddess named...
Swa Hee Lee. She could speak to wolves.
She could do so because she was truly a fox deity, who planned to kill Ling before his ultimate, romantic, destiny, to save the Middle Kingdom, and marry Princess Shang Luang, who was described as...
a beneficent and spiritual woman, who's inner beauty was so great, that the path she walked on would glow as soon as her feet touched the ground. She could heal with …
Her wonderful countenance, which rivals the beauties of India, is desired by men, women, gods, and goddesses alike. Her eyes were green as jade, her hair black as the night sky. Even the Jade Emperor felt unworthy to have her as a consort, let alone to have her hand in marriage. It was said that she was the daughter, not of Shang Lu Wo, king of China, but of the ruler of all the Shen Long, the Dragon Gods
Swa Hee Lee possessed a powerful weapon that can …
Defeat and annihilate even the mighty Jade Emperor
She nicknamed the weapon K-Ling. If anyone dared to touch it without permission, she …
Would brutally and horribly slaughter them, for only she, and the Chosen One, could wield it
Swa Hee Lee approached Ling's most senior disciple. "Sing, tell your master to honor me by coming to my castle for tea and moon cakes."
His highest disciple, Sing, was so entranced by Swa Hee Lee's beauty, that he went with her, and brought Ling with him. But alas, Sing met his demise by...
poisoned sake acquired by Swa Hee Lee from an old lover. This lover was imprisoned in a rock as punishment, for he didn't comply with his fellow spirits.
Swa Hee Lee then noticed there was a dying wolf. She carried the wolf up and then ended up seeing it was already dead. Which was why it smelled so badly. Swa Hee Lee then decided she should take it to her castle for...
food, as wolves feel only compassion for the strong, and admonish the weak. Sing lay there dead, his corpse her lover, for she was twisted. She went to bed, Sing's corpse next to her, Sting readied to be butchered alive, Wing put in a birdcage for hungry tigers, and Ling in prison. He only had 1 shot, he summoned his teapot, and used tea magic to get out, rescue his surviving comrades, give a proper funeral to Sing, and slay Swa Hee Lee. He succeeded in his plan. Then, at his funeral, they saw the ghost of Sing.
The Ghost of Sing was then met by a ten foot tall man with eyes as wide as a football named Ching Chang Chung. He then took out a crossbow and said:
"You die now! Full of arrows! For Ching Chang Chung! I am Ching! I kill all with my crossbow! Ayayayay!" he shouted. He then attempted to shoot the ghost of sing but had failed. Ching Chang Chung had no choice but to...
Kill himself, for he remembered a dream last night, where a young child, that enamored Ching, was slaughtered by a tiny man. He realized that that child was himself, and that tiny man was his transgressions. Ching was conditioned by his Karma to commit suicide
Princess Shuang Luang was mortified when Ling told her of what Swa Hee Lee had done to him and his disciples. She lit incense to conjure her Ancestors for advice and was surprised when the spirit of Ching appeared next to the spirits of her father's father and father's mother.
Ching told Luang that Ling had to return to Swa Hee Lee's lair, and grab K-Ling, for he was the Chosen One, and it was his duty to save the Middle Kingdom, the Koryo, the Gupta, the Mon-Khmer, and the Yamato, from ultimate destruction, at the hands of the Evil One, for only his Celestial Teapot, with which he sails the 13 heavens, combined with K-Ling could defeat the Evil One!
After the Princess told Ling what Ching had told her, Ling sent his disciples to learn what they could about the fortifications of Swa Hee Lee's lair. As Ling awaited for thir return, he sank himself into meditation.
In the meditation practice, Ling achieved insight, and realized that he had to go alone, for Swa Hee Lee retainers set up defenses that were nearly impenetrable, and that Wing and Sting would die if they came along. He had them protect the Shang clan, the ruling family, for the Evil One's minions possessed the northern Asiatic people to attack, and only Ling, alone, could stop the Evil One with K-Ling. So he prepared for his journey, sailed his teapot, and brought with him...
a bag of gold coins and bribed the guards under the pretense that he was there to pay his respects to Swa Hee Lee although they knew well enough that their Goddess tried to kill Ling. They didn't care why Ling had returned and they were happy to receive gold.
But her eldest son, child of the Japanese kami Amatsu-Mikaboshi, was enraged to see him, and unleashed a horde of Japanese Oni on Ling, and Ling struggled to fight them off with tea magic. He had to get K-Ling just to defeat him, and...
pretended to retreat. He hopped into the teapot and as he sailed towards the gate, he made a sharp turn and flew through one of the tower windows.
And then Ling saw Princess Luang and emotions rushed in. He hugged held her knowing that when he had died and entered the afterworld, he realized how much he hurt at the thought of never seeing her again.
Ling had then told him that she had found someone else, and that they got married and had 300 sons. In truth, she married the Evil One, who had wished to steal her life away.
But 2 things were not yet finished, he had to defeat Amatsu-Aku-Lee and the Evil One. But when he realized this, the Evil One possessed the woman he loves. And Amatsu-Aku-Lee charged with an army of wolves and Oni, and the Fox Demon clan, who wanted revenge for Swa Hee Lee. He could manage them on his own, having realized the nature of things, and K-Lings true potential. Only question was, how could he defeat the all-powerful Evil One, without harming his beloved Shang Luang?
If only he could make Princess Luang realized that she had married the Evil One and the marriage was a false one because the Evil One pretended to be an ordinary good man. However, Ling could not tell that to Luang because she had so many children with this man she thought she knew. How could he kill the Evil One now, when that would bring pain to Luang? He still believed in their destiny foretold by the wise ancients. Determined, he set out to …
To learn the ultimate truth. He meditated for 13 days and 13 nights under the maple tree in a field of tea plants, he then realized that all 300 sons were illusions, and that young Sting was dying at the hands of the Turks, and that the Zhongnu had killed Wing, he had one disciple. He then saved all the Northern people's with his sagely wisdom, and destroyed Amatsu-Aku-Lee with the K-Ling's ultimate power. Amatsu-Aku-Lee's warriors ran out of fear
And he only had to free Shang Luang, from the Evil One, who was now consuming her chi (life force) for sustenance
And while she remained under the Evil One's spell, there was no way for Ling to convince her that her sons were illusions. She would give them hugs and kisses and talk to them for hours.
He did the ultimate act to break the spell! He grabbed her softly between his arms, caressed her, and kissed her passionately, reminded her of their love, and she wished that she and Ling could be like this forever.
Breaking the spell also broke the connection between the Evil One and Luang. Cut off from her life force, he fled the country knowing that Ling could find him with Luang's help. The psychic bond they shared prevented him from hiding his whereabouts from Luang. With Luang by his side, Ling sailed his teapot across oceans and between mountains until...
He reached a land in the West. Their, the natives welcomed them, they had legends of a man and a woman in a giant gourd-like vessel, sailing from the Western Seas (Pacific) to their homeland, to rid it of evil. They taught them about the land, and told them of how the mighty tutanka of the Great Plains were dying mysteriously. With their new knowledge, and their new friends, and Lings new disciple, Sings-With-Owls, they raided the Evil Ones lair and...
had seen the Evil one for the very last time. There ensued a huge battle, that tested the mettle of even the bravest of all warriors.
Cornered like a rat, Ling plunged K-Ling into the heart of the Evil One. The evil so entrenched into his soul, the Evil One's body fell to the ground and slowly sank through the layers of rock and sediment until it reached the underworld. Because K-Ling had locked his spirit into the body, the body became a cage that no spirit in the underworld could lift his spirit up and out of the body for him to be reincarnated upon Earth.
Sings-With-Owls went with Ling and Luang to be their best man, and remained in China. Ling and Luang then expressed their love...privately
and they lived happily ever after... THE END