With love from the cold .

The damp clothes clung to my skin as i made my way out of the ruin of the car , looking around and seeing people after people after people run to me . Tears embedded in their eyes until the water had left their veins . My daughters stood beside the car crying for me , crying for there mummy as my husband broke down until he's face was buried in the snow at my feet .

For years i had recalled that night , the night my car had been destroyed my gorgeous blue cleo had been buried in snow like me . The way my children's voice had echoed after me as i walked and walked towards the light , people lie when they say theres nothing there . I know they all see it , when you die you see your life flash before your eyes all the things you regret are highlighted and repeated over and over in your mind . Like a movie there are shown again and again and again until they break you , your death is shown to you the last image before the light finds you and the voices drown out forever .

I was lucky i stayed , i fought for my foot to be in this world . I fought for the children i loved and lost and i fought for every person on the other side . Tonight though i had one chance to say goodbye , it was christmas it had been 6 months since i died , i was there when my body was collected , examined as they cremated my body into the ashes that now fly around me like snow . I was standing next to the body i had always loved , a personal journey i was on now , not for them or everyone on the other side but for me . I lost them all , my darling daughters i would never see them grow up , never hold there hands again or kiss my husband . we had been married so long and yet the ring still laid on my finger like a beacon reminding me i couldn't feel a thing . That was the worst thing you cant feel , you cant cry because there is no life in you . you pretend you can , you pretend you can feel the cold around you or the dampness of your clothes but you cant . That is what it means to be alive to feel , and i do not feel , i can not cry or laugh or even see , i am living through the memories i remember the ones of sunny afternoons in the spring with my children .

The car had buried me in the snow when they found me i was ice , water that had crystallised around me . It took them a week to get into me to finally identify who i was . after that they notified my husband , a funeral was held for me , the mother from the cold they called me , a legend now amongst children . Did you hear about the legend of the mother ? they'd say as they threw snowballs at each other , children would smile and recite the story a woman frozen in ice for all eternity what a legend that would be .