My "Secret" Sexuality

8:15am- Before school, cafeteria

"Gay!" The guys teased playfully. It was still early in the morning and the people who were at the table laughed cheerfully like usual; but this wasn't going to be a usual day.

"Hey, I ain't gay! I'm a bisexual," I joked around with pride.

"Wait, are you serious? You're bi?" Christian asked narrowing his eyes at me in disbelief; everyone else ignoring the rest of our conversation and continued to mess around with one another.

"Yeah," I replied my courage never fathoming.

"That's gross," he sneered in a non-joking manner. I stared at him for a while trying to see what his point was. After a second or two I shrugged.

"So? I don't care," I said bluntly.

"So 50% of you like girls?" he asked. What kind of dumb question was that? I frowned at him, debating whether I should answer him or not.

"No, a 100% of me like girls," I replied slowly so he might understand. He stared at me puzzled.

"Wait, you're a lesbian?" he exclaimed.

"No, you idiot! 100% of me like girls and a 100% of me like boys. Just cause I like both genders doesn't mean half me likes one and the other half likes the other," I explained.

"That's still disgusting," he mocked. I sighed shaking my head in disbelief.

"Look," I said gently. "I don't care what you got to say about me," I smiled turning away and joining the others in their crazy conversation.



3:20pm- After school, walking home

"So Nick, what're you going to get Mary for your one year anniversary?" I chimed walking beside him.

"I don't know yet," he sighed sadly.

"Oh don't worry, you still got another month and a half," I chirped trying to cheer him up. "Plus if you really need help you can ask Sam," I suggested.

"Already did," he replied.

"Really, what'd he say?" I asked.

"Well..." he started. Suddenly, Christian walked in between us.

"I can't believe you're really bi. Dude, that's so gross," he said normally as if we were having a day to day conversation.

"Yea, yea, okay," I said trying to walk around him so I could understand what Nick was saying.

"Man, that's worse than being a lesbian," he exclaimed. I sighed and looked at him.

"Okay, good for you. Now can you shut up? I'm trying to listen to what Nick's saying," I frowned. Christian reared his head distastefully but turned away and left.

"Crazy isn't it?" Nick said laughing.

"Huh? Uh... yeah," I agreed laughing awkwardly.



8:00am- Following day before school, cafeteria

When I got to the usual table Allen was quizzing Logan about math, while Christian sat at the far end of the table and Ryan leaned against one of the columns. I took a seat across from Allen and next to Ryan.

"What's the quadratic formula?" Allen asked.

"Uh, -b plus or minus the square-root of b²-4ac all over 2a," Logan replied quickly.

"What the hell?" he exclaimed. "How do you remember that?" he whimpered, Logan and I laughed.

"Hey, Allen," I said before Logan could reply.

"Hmm," he hummed turning to me.

"First off, it's not that hard. Second, he's in my math class," I added still chuckling.

"Oh... no wonder he's so smart," he replied.

"Bi," Christian randomly spouted.

"Huh?" I furrowed my brows and looked around. "Who's he talking to?" I asked looking at the two guys. Allen shrugged.

"I don't know," he mumbled. I turned to Ryan who shrugged as well. The three of us continued to stare at Christian trying to figure out who he was talking to.

"Bi," he repeated looking at me. Suddenly it clicked.

"Oh!" I exclaimed. "Yeah, I'm bi," I repeated happily.

"I already knew that," Ryan replied.

"You're a bisexual?" Allen asked pulling his head back in confusion.

"Yup, I sure am," I piped proudly. I knew Allen liked me and I wanted to see how he'd reacted. He just stared at me and nodded his head slowly.

"That's hot," he replied. I laughed.

"I take that as a compliment?" I smiled. He shrugged and nodded.

"Dude, what're you talking about? That's gross," Christian sneered. I frowned; when was he ever going to drop this?

"A couple days ago didn't you say you were okay with lesbians?" Allen asked vexed.

"Well yea, I did, but I meant it's not that bad. Anyways she's bi, not lesbian," he replied.

"Look, does this really matter? It's not like it's really important to you. It's not important to you at all," I frowned getting irritated.

"I just can't picture you liking a girl," he cringed. I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

"Well, I have! What's gonna happen?" I snapped.

"You've liked a girl?" the three of them shouted in disbelief.

"Look, I'm a bisexual! Of course I have!" I sighed. They all stared at each other before throwing names at.

"Mary?"

"Hell no! She's dating Nick, plus she kinda bratty, even if she's one of my best-friends,"

"Lyra?"

"That's my cousin's girlfriend!

"Jenny?"

"Christian that's your girlfriend!"

"Angelina?"

"Ew, no! She's just my best-friend!"

"Then who is she?" Allen asked practically climbing on the table.

"I don't like her anymore, god! Anyways, you guys don't know her," I replied backing up.

"How come we don't know her? You sure we don't?" Christian asked.

"Yeah, I'm sure, she killed herself a few years ago," I replied sadly.

"I still think it's Angelina," Ryan added ignoring what I had just said.

"It's not Angelina! The girl I like killed herself," I shouted. I could feel a lump grow in my throat as I took a deep breath. It was silent for a moment; the three guys staring at me.

"Emo," Christian joked, the other two chuckled.

"That's not funny!" I yelled my rage hitting its peak. "How would you feel if Jenny killed herself, huh?" I continued to shout.

"Well, it's not like she will," he replied. "Cause she's not emo," something inside him urged him to add.

"It's not like you know that!" I growled. "You think you know everything about a person, but that's a load of bullshit!" I hissed He glared at me. "If either of you make one more joke about this I swear I'll kill you and you'll be able to meet the only girl I've ever liked," I warned.

"What happened here?" Nick asked when he arrived moments later. Christian was looking out the window, Ryan still leaning against the column, Allen trying to cheer me up, and me; I sat alone at another table continuing to write one of my stories.

"Nothing," I sighed sitting up straight. Nick stared at me suspiciously but didn't push it.

A few days later everything went back to 'normal'; whatever that really was- I don't know. Christian stopped mocking my sexuality, but I still steered away from him whenever I had the chance. To be honest, I'm not a bisexual. I don't like using terms to describe myself. I like all sexes; male, female, transgender, hermaphrodites, or whatever. I believe love comes from the heart not your eyes. Although I'm not completely open with who I am that doesn't mean I'll turn my back against the truth and hide. This isn't just for my sexuality, but for my self-harm, depression, and schizophrenic bipolarness. I am who I am and no one, or nothing, can take that away from me.