On Proposals - final draft

On Proposals

“I said YES!!!!!” has been the facebook status of way too many of my friends – my age or younger – on facebook lately. Every time I’ve seen some form of that on my news feed, after dying a little bit inside and stalking all the pictures, I’ve asked myself where my proposal is or at least where the guy is who might eventually give me a ring. And after answering my question with “who the hell knows” a couple dozen times, I unintentionally developed an expertise on the subject of proposals.

You know you have found the right guy based on how he proposes. No, that can’t be right. In the grand scheme of things, all that matters is whether or not he proposes. But for some reason, thanks to Hollywood and YouTube videos, girls have a predetermined notion that the proposal is the big moment, and if he messes it up, he probably isn’t “the one.”

In my life, my dreams for what the proposal should be like have changed as I’ve gotten older, found new interests and perhaps most importantly, dated guys that I realized are not up for the challenge. And just for clarification, I’m referring to a marriage proposal. I probably should have mentioned that, but since it is so often the subject of my thoughts, I forget that to outsiders, I’m stumbling in from left field. Anyways, now that I’m clear, for the longest time I wanted to be proposed to at halftime on the football field of a really big game. That way everyone would see it and all eyes would be on me and my big new diamond ring. Oh, my fiancée would be there too… And there it is. There is the big reason why this proposal stuff has gotten out of control. I was making my plans, thinking of a proposal and a wedding and a dress and a ring. I forgot about the other person and relationship and marriage part.

In another era of my life (as if I’m 82 or something) I had this dream that my life would be a musical and my future husband would call me up on some stage and serenade me with “our song” and then get down on one knee. But the last boyfriend that sang to me got booed off the karaoke stage, and I subsequently became the laughing stock of the night at that lovely Mexican restaurant that I will never enjoy again; so needless to say, I decided to let that dream (or perhaps nightmare would fit better) die.

YouTube has a thousand “best proposal EVER” videos, and I am a little ashamed to say that I have probably watched about eighty to ninety percent of them. But how do I become an expert without a little bit of research? And by a little bit, I mean countless hours and sleepless nights filled with tears and wine and tubs of cookie dough. And some of the proposals get really wild. I didn’t realize how many different ways there actually are to propose to someone. But I have now seen just about everything: One nice gentleman was on camera proposing with a microphone in the middle of the food court at the mall in front of all their closest…strangers from their town. And some sweet guy somewhere bought his girl a puppy that she had wanted forever (according to the YouTube description) and let her find it in the park, only to notice a diamond ring on its collar. I even saw a video of a woman getting down on one knee in the middle of the park to propose to her boyfriend. And one of the most…interesting that I saw was a proposal that had a wedding attached – as in the people literally got married on the spot. Now, I love a guy who plans ahead and has everything together, but what girl would want an instant-all-you-have-to-do-is-say-yes wedding? I mean, she couldn’t even pick out her own dress or flowers or invite who she wanted! That sounds like a nightmare to me. But then it dawned on me: that’s just to me. There are probably a million girls who would love to have a wedding handed to them with no stressful plans and arrangement they have to do and make.

So then it makes sense. It makes sense that there are billions of proposals because there are billions of people. Something works differently for every single one of them. Although, I will say that the YouTube video mentioned above about the proposal in the food court of the mall – the girl did say no. But some people may have a very strong tie to the mall or the food court or large crowds brought together by food and shopping – she and I just are not two of them.

I think I may have veered off track a bit. When my fiancé proposed, there were no jets writing smoke words in the sky, and he didn’t take me to the moon or do it on national television. Nor was there a parade in my honor with all of my favorite things and Britney Spears on top of a float holding the ring. I didn’t even get to swim with dolphins and find a ring tied to one of their fins. All of these were things that I used to think I absolutely NEEDED; and I think they are things that some girls or guys think they do need, and maybe some really do. But I think my proposal was perfect because by this point in my teeny tiny existence on this earth, I have learned that the only important pieces are you and your person and your decision to be together for the rest of this life. Now that I am saying it, though, it feels kind of like the “Sunday school answer.” So I will point out, that if there had been no camera and no ring and if he hadn’t gotten down on one knee or made it a surprise, I would not have said no; but I might have said to try, try again.