A Moment of Your Time

A Moment of Your Time

As I sit here writing this, I wonder at what my life may have been like had I chosen a different path through the years? My struggles with depression, sometimes so crippling as to confine me to a darkened room with nothing but my racing thoughts to comfort me, often times left me on the brink of demise. Alcoholism so bad at times that I couldn’t remember from one moment to the next who I was, let alone where I was. A failed marriage to the love of my life, that brought me to my knees and well beyond the point of knowing which direction to turn. The heartbreak of watching a once happy family fall apart and knowing I was to blame for it all, yet never having the courage to do anything about it.

What is it that compels me to these low points? It is an often misdiagnosed illness that can make even the best of people become things they do not want to be. That which I wish so much would leave me be, and allow me to move forward with my life such as it is. It goes by the name of bipolar depression. So much is misunderstood about this illness. Is it even an illness per se, as much as a condition of the human mind? Could it be a chemical imbalance in the brain that we can’t see? Is it a hereditary trait handed down from our parents and their parents? Oh to understand what causes this affliction would be at least some peace to my wandering mind.

I didn’t come here to lay down the burdens of my troubled past, nor to seek empathy from strangers. I came to attempt to get the things out of my mind and on to some form of written media. The thoughts and ideas I have daily about myself as well as those I have for stories that either should or shouldn’t be written. I have always been an avid reader and in turn a sometime writer of short stories that only held some meaning for me. At one point I was on here under a different pseudonym. I wrote a few stories but my life troubles kept me from flourishing as a writer. Now I hope to use the thing that troubles me most in life to find some form of creativity and hopefully get out of my soul the things that seem to be stifling me at every turn. I hope in turn that I can find not only release in writing, but also an opportunity to learn how to be a better writer. I look forward over the months to come, hearing from some of you with your criticism and advice. Happy writing to each of you and may you know peace in your lives.