Just Desserts

Just Desserts

Now Roy was a man you could easily scorn
For he never amounted to much
He cussed at the kids and kicked little dogs
An’ when he dated he always went Dutch

And he did other things that I cannot relate
Too ornery for young eyes to see
But just rest assured if you saw it in print
It wouldn’t be rated PG

Old Roy seldom bathed, but often he belched
And his circle of friends was quite small
He loved to be rude and talked loud and long
And no one could match him for gall

To many's chagrin he lived lots of years
But eventually there came the date
When ‘Ol rude Roy, the friend of so few
Finally met his fate

‘Twas something he ate, they all later said
But no one could tell for sure
But it turned him all gray and laid him out flat
When no one could find a cure

So his spirit soared up, as all spirits do
To that gate way up high in the air
Saint Peter was there with notebook in hand
And he tallied Roy’s name with great care

He looked at ‘Ol Roy with a smile and a nod
Why, it’s heaven for you, he said
Roy staggered in shock and belched just a bit
He was going to like being dead

Now it’s sunny in there, said Pete with a smirk
As he pointed to door number nine.
So just keep your shorts, that’s all that you’ll need
The weather there’s really quite fine

With a whoop and a leap Roy tore off his clothes
And dashed to the door of his fate
He pulled it right open and sauntered on in
For he knew it was going to be great

The weather was great, that part had been right
He saw with his very first glance
But that wasn’t quite all as he took it all in
He wished that he’d kept his pants.

For he was not quite alone as he quickly found out
Behind that door number nine
There was company a plenty, some millions in fact
He could tell by the sound of their whine

We’re all God’s creatures he remembered with woe
And he knew there was nothing to do
As he settled on back to eternal Reward
‘Cause skeeters got heaven too!