Unholy Matrimony

Unholy Matrimony

"Heads, we get married, tails, we break up." Why not? It is relatively quick and precise and neither one of us are to blame if it doesn't work out. After all, marriage, such as this is commissioned. Since neither one of us seem to be sure and you said you were the betting kind, let's get this discussion over with. We don't know if it will work; but, we are from the same era. Two chips off the same old block. It would be one of a kind. Toss it up to karma. What have you got to lose? Your integrity? That stratospheric value? Oh, don't cry the blues to me. It is all about time and we are losing ours. Let the coin toss begin.

But, what? Maybe this is too much of a risk for you. Maybe you are afraid you will end up damaged goods. Your good genes down the "proverbial drain". We both could lose. But with the personal compromise you had to make last year and the injury I sustained in transit years back, we should do this, make this change for the sake of both of us. Think of it as a partnership or, a betrothal to each other.

Not sure you want to be stuck with me, right? It is a new ball game - this type of marriage. Commitment, dedication, a life time joined together. But, you have that fifty-fifty chance the toss will come up "tails" and it will be over. They say, breaking up is so hard to do. But, I challenge you to the toss. At least make a decision. Life is one big risk. When will you get another opportunity like this; this merger of antiquity.

After all, I am no new kid on the block and neither are you. Oh, don't get me wrong. I am solid, nothing like that crude comment you made last week about my knotty personality. Maybe I do have a few imperfections but it gives me character. I have good roots - France you know. Some say those roots go back to the period of Marie Antoinette. I doubt it though - they wouldn't let us marry. Still, how could you not want to be with me. If you lose the toss, you will be sorry. You will stand all alone. You will miss my gilding motif personality. You will pine over me just remember that.

And you, look at you! Mighty fine piece of work, I might say. Strong, like old hickory; like the dovetail works of an armoire made centuries ago. We make a good match; your strong Yorkshire heritage and my French background. That is, of course, as long as you don't mind my little gaunt fluted legs. I hold no animosity toward your deep personality inspired by long generations of mid-Georgian and English Rococo influence. I do like the way your family lines flows though. We both could do worse.

In fact, do you recall when you were about to be married last fall to that ridiculous plain Jane. She was as common as a Shaker foot stool. No personality at all, dull and insipid. Of course, I must say that, I almost made a similar mistake when I came close to tying the nuptials with that hot "caldo" Italian hunk who truly hated my legs. Dashing in looks but a heart of mahogany wood that one. Oh the thought of it; how atrociously sinister. He was looking for more of a Florentine flair. I guess we both have our burdens to bare.

What came up? Heads? I guess it is a done deal. Trust me. I am sure you will be happy. We will make a lovely union. What will they call it? Unholy matrimony of course. That is what you get when you marry a Louie XVI and Chippendale piece of furniture together.