Trying to find a way to move on from depression |
I have had enough What can I do? You may wonder what is this all about! You may not care. If you don't care, I mostly agree with you too It is just that, I am not alone. I have family. I don't want to hurt them. I have seen what can happen to a family if someone decides to end it all. But I wish I could go, I wish I could say no more! But I can't do that....that door is unfortunately closed I need help! What are my problems? Well, depression is one, but there is no medication. I have tried that anyway, it does not do anything. I have tried counselling, but I can't get into that flow. I have tried talking to people, my problems are ignored What does work? What will help me to go on I have memory problems I have concentration problems Been told I have responsibility problems All I have are problems I have no confidence, no feeling anymore I don't know what to do, no ideas come forth What is it like to have depression? It is difficult to explain what it is like to people who do not understand this? I am always down, sad, lifeless, underground Sometimes, I am not myself....I feel that I am inside me deep inside but it is someone else who is in charge, that is when I am at my most scary I can black out...forget everything that happened I don't try to...it just happens It can happen when I get emotional quite often with depression Especially when someone starts a fight with me and admitted today that he was looking for an argument People don't understand that I fight everyday Hanging on until I find a way I hide my true feelings Deep down, nobody really knows who or what I am Not even the closet people to me and that includes you So what do I do Nothing there is I can do I will just keep on trying... until I can do Although I am tired of that as well I have had just about enough of that as well I told someone once, I would like to write But that is something I tell myself I can't do I don't have the confidence to even speak to you So, here I try to begin to write Will it help, I don't know I did not mean to write this this way It just came out of me... how I don't know No revisions, no checks, no proofreading, it is all just new But now I am beginning to write, to see what I can do I want to understand myself... for that, I need you |