In the Name of Mai, Bath Time, Saviour.

In The Name of Mai
"You'll never make it without me."

You’ll never make it without me!” the demon screamed, imploringly reaching his clawed hand to Emily. His hold on this world was faltering, and he desperately tried to persuade her. “How else will you take your revenge?” the red demon twisted his head, mocking her. “With my magic and your skill, we could rule the world!” the demon rasped. He crawled desperately, knocking over the candles and the lines drawn in the sand.

Emily raised her sword over her head, her mind flashing back to what had started this all.

A hand on her shoulder, interrupting her grieving.

"Eat Emily, even if she has passed, Mai would still want you to go on.”

All Emily could see during that time was the inky blackness of her soul being torn apart, so deep was her grief. Another voice joined the first. A deep and evil voice.

“What she needs is a purpose, she needs revenge.”

Emily raised her head at the thought. “What do you mean,” she asks miserably.

“The man who killed your beloved…. He is still alive, no?” the voice mocked. “Gather strength, and followers, and the path will be clear. You know how to use a blade, why are you wallowing? Take action and honor her. Go into the desert and summon a demon. With his skill, anyone who dares to threaten you will suffer."

Emily fell back into the present.

“Mai would not want this,” She whispered, “not like this.”

She brought the sword down, regretting the day she wasn’t there to protect her beloved. The demons head rolled to the ground, its face frozen in an endless scream.

Your knees crash down, hitting the barren soil. You would get revenge, but you would be honorable, like Mai’s soul.

“I love you Mai,” you whisper, a tear rolling down your cheek.



Flash Fiction Challenge! Using the phrase "You'll never make it without me." Third time’s the charm! Please review!

Keep Writing!
TheQuillDragon







Bath Time
"I'm Probably going to regret this."

“Bath time!” Kara sang, making her way into the living room. The two cats, one fluffy white, the other a calico, sat on the worn couch grooming. They stopped and glared at her, and Kara could detect the contempt in their eyes.

“If looks could kill.” she muttered to herself. Kara picked up the cream colored towel hanging off the armchair. The cats stiffened, waiting for any sign of threatening movement to bolt.

“Come on now Cleo, Fluffy, you know I would never hurt you,” Kara crooned as she edged closer to the cats.

This is why she didn’t like babysitting her mother’s cats. They were viscous and they hated her with a passion. She moved closer and Fluffy arched his back and hissed with thinly veiled anger. The cat stared into her eyes, silently daring her to make a move, promising injury if she did.

Kara took a breath, and lunged, throwing the towel around the cat in a way he couldn’t fight back. Cleo bolted, leaving her comrade behind to face his doom. Fluffy fought the towel, hissing and spitting, trying to free himself from the confining prison. Kara held the towel at arm’s length, like a Santa’s bag gone wrong. The cat’s growls were loud, despite being muffled by the towel.

She quickly made her way to the bathroom, and the waiting tub. She paused before she entered. Her fear hit her as the cat once again yowled and a paw found an empty hole, swiping at her. Kara pushed the paw back in, and took a deep breath.

“I’m probably going to regret this.” Kara entered the bathroom, closing the door behind her.


277 words! Flash Fiction Challenge! Hopefully I got the phrase right this time, unlike my first try. Ha-ha. Good luck to me! Second time is the charm!



Just want a shout out to my reviewers, though I did not win, your reviews put a smile on my face. Angela Death, Doremi, Sanita and bumfuzzled. Thank you whole-heartedly!

Keep Writing!
TheQuillDragon









Savior
"This has gone too far."

Torris glared at the piece of parchment in his hands. His fist slams down on the cluttered desk, scattering papers and objects alike. He had been fighting this order for days, but there is no stopping the “Kings” justice. He raised his head as there is a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Torris growled as he straightened in his chair. With relief he realized it is his friend and ally, Morgmagoth.

“How goes it?” Mormagoth asks, picking his way through the cluttered office. Torris angrily flung the order across the desk to him. Mormagoth picked it up, quickly scanning it.

“This has gone too far,” Torris tells him. “The king will have his justice. He needs somebody to blame, and she is an easy target.”

“Then you know what we must do.” Mormagoth simply stated, his eyes rising to Torris. Torris stared at his hands, wishing he didn’t have to choose between his country and conscious.

“Aye. We must save her.”

Throughout the day, Torris gathered the supplies they would need. He waited for the blackness of night to cloak him before he met up with Mormagoth.

“Supplies?” he checks, and Torris raised the satchel. Mormagoth nods at him.
Torris moved silently behind Mormagoth as they creep through the inky blackness of the palace halls. He held his breath at the many close calls with the patrolling guards.

They reach their goal, and wait a few more seconds as Mormagoth fiddled with the lock. It opens however, and they both rush inside. Torris gently shakes her awake.

“Come Valerie, we must escape.” Torris urged.

“Torris, Mormagoth?” she mumbled. Her eyes shoot awake as she realized what was happening. Very soon, they reach outside. Torris and Valerie both mount up.

“Good luck, my friend. I will distract the king as long as I can.” Mormagoth clasped hands with Torris.



300 words, This story is for the flash challenge using the phrase:
"This has gone too far."
Of course, my mind just spun with the possibilities. I typed this up in a quick half hour, and then spent the next half hour removing words or phrases to get it down to three hundred words. The decision on what to keep and what can go is a hard one, but I believe it led me to compacting my thoughts in a short space, which was the point after all. Seeing as this is my first flash challenge, Hope I win!

Just want to thank Angela Death for the review! There were some problems that I am now working to fix. (NOTE: I fixed the problems)

Keep Writing.



COMMENTS:
Review of In The Name of Mai 
Review by RaisaRashed

To be honest; I found your writing refreshing. After all the common clichéd writing you come across, this piece is like a breather. I would have liked it better if it were in third person. Instead of using 'you' you should use a name. Then it would actually seem like a story rather than something you're trying to make us imagine. Otherwise it's good, not tacky and shows your skill as a writer.


Review of In The Name of Mai 
Review by Boz
An interesting story describing the tricks used by Mia to take revenge. We see how she is being exhorted to dart forward to avenge herself. Even the help of the demons is sought. The ultimate objective is revenge which can be considered as the main theme. But it requires some simplification about the situation.

Review of In The Name of Mai 
Review by arakun the twis...
I think this is the basis of a good story but there is a little too much going on for a 300 word story. It might be a good one to expand with some backstory, etc


Review of In The Name of Mai 
Review by John P
I understand that you did this quickly and off the top of your head...

There are ideas in these words but not much in terms of grabbing your reader to continue reading.

The problem with this approach is that it is tired and shop worn.

If you are going to use this theme of demonic direction and embracing the dark side for revenge you need to come at it a different way for it to be interesting.

I would probably start with the loss of Mai and make the demon a lot more mysterious and less a direct force.

You have pronoun problems that need to be addressed -- when talking about yourself the pronoun is me not you unless you are observing yourself in some third party manner.

So, for this to be really good you need to put more thought in to the concept.

Otherwise you are stuck with a "been there, done that" story that will be viewed as overused and dull.
I am not sure I could do any better, by the way....


Review of In The Name of Mai 
Review by Angela Death
Amazing! I loved it!


Review of In The Name of Mai 
Review by kbot
Hiya - I read your story. I could not find any grammar faults, and you use imagery really well. Above all, despite the fact that I never came across a story with "you" as the protagonist, I think I was quite interested in it.

The blade glinting in the sunlight
- This line doesn't feel right - it leaps off the page as not right.

I kind of found the story a bit confusing, as if there was an underlying bit of information I did not have in my possession. Normally, if I come across a novel or story that is a bit beyond my intermediate, I discard it, as there is always something a bit more specific to my requirements.

Otherwise a fine effort. Please keep writing, as you have something here!


Review of Bath Time 
Review by Angela Death
I love it! Excellent job! Yes, you got the phrase right. :)


Review of Bath Time 
Review by Doremi
I have had many cats in my long life but I never tried to wash one. The time or two a cat had to be bathed I gladly paid my vet to do it. When it came to grooming and washing they were on their own.

I think you must know cats because you described their body language and behavior very well.

My son and daughter had a cat that liked water and was a swimmer. I think this is a rarity and I do not think he would have appreciated being given a bath. He dived into the pool and enjoyed that when it was his own idea.

Yes I think anyone would regret trying to bate any cat I have ever known. It was hard enough to give them medicine when it was needed/

You wrote this well. I don’t even want to know what happened after your last sentence.

Welcome. Newbie!!



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Review of Bath Time 
Review by Sanita
Hello, this is funny; I am not sure who I feel most sorry for, the cats, or Kara.




Review of Bath Time 
Review by bumfuzzled
Lol yep. I think you got the phrase right this time, but that's not why I lol'd. Nice lil piece of flash to get a laugh outta me. I missed the detail of "her mother's cats" first time through and upon rereading caught that which explained the rest with all its nuances; hence, the lol

Kara has issues, I must say. I like her lol

It's hard to judge much in a 300 word or less story. It either works or it doesn't. In this case, it does. If your name's top mention it will not surprise me :)
Monty


Review of Savior 
Review by Angela Death
Hi again! First I want to say that I love the concept of your story and think this could be an excellent piece. That said, there are two problems I have with this piece that I believe you can easily remedy. First, there are 300 words for this flash fiction and I managed to count 37 uses of "you" or "your". It became obvious immediately in your first paragraph where you have four sentences and three of them begin with "You" and the other begins with "Your". This problem could be easily solved by giving your character a name and replacing some of these words. The second problem is that the prompt is "THIS has gone too far" and you used "IT has gone too far". I believe you can change this line to the correct prompt without losing anything from your story.

Otherwise, excellent job! Keep up the good work. I love reading your stories




A thank you goes for all who have reviewed me. Thank you, thank you, thank you. It is people like you who encourage me to do better.

If you are not a fan become one, and if you are, :D. Keep being awesome!
TheQuillDragon