Honesty

Have you ever been scarily honest with anyone? Have you ever stepped out of your box and spilled your guts? Have you built walls around yourself to protect yourself from being hurt? No one wants to be hurt. No one wakes up one day and decides to pour their heart out to someone for no reason....no one but me.

What made me do it? I was ready to explode! My emotions were pushed so far down I didn't know they were there until one night I had a dream. This dream was so amazingly vivid, so full of truth and touch and heart, I'm not sure how to describe it properly.

I was in a very busy parking lot and I couldn't find my car. It was Christmastime for sure, with all of the traditional twinkling lights and decorations. People were actually smiling and laughing as they carried packages to their cars. I felt good, really good and I was happy, the happiest I'd ever been.

I retraced my steps and went back to the entrance of Macy's. The fact that I couldn't find my car didn't matter to me. I was smiling like a damn fool and loving every minute of my search with the snow falling softly around me and on my hair and coat. I felt I was in a snow globe, it was surreal.

I headed in the direction my feet took me and suddenly I felt a presence beside me, trying to match my footsteps. I wasn't alarmed or frightened, just surprised. He was smiling when I stopped abruptly in my tracks, having spotted my car finally. His smile was the best I'd ever seen and my heart skipped a beat. I felt that I knew this man and that he knew me, but I don't think I'd ever seen him before because his smile was unforgettable. His eyes were still smiling when he introduced himself. We shook hands and even through fur lined leather gloves I could feel the electricity. He felt it too, I could tell. I'm sure he could hear my heart beating through my heavy winter coat.

The last thing I remember is waking up to the sound of my heartbeat echoing in my pillow