The Secret of Babysitting. . .

You know, when I talk to other girls who babysit, I can't help feeling smug. They're always moaning about how terrible the kids are. Yelling, whining, crying for their mothers. I never let that bother me. This last child loved me so much she let me keep her favorite doll. And when I left, her mother was impressed by how quietly she was sleeping.

Want to know how I do it?

It's really simple. When the kid gets cranky. I just go to the kitchen, turn on the gas and stick the kid's head in the oven until she's quiet.