Meet Betty Swollox

Hi there, I am Betty Swollox the hamster. Oh, for goodness sake. Yes, I am a hamster! If you are going to just sit there and stare, would you mind just taking the photo I have provided for you and go do your staring elsewhere. Aren't I lovely providing this service!

As I was saying, I am Betty - I will not repeat my surname, as I hate it. Whoever decided on my name, needs to be shot! What would my mother say?
I am a bit of a free spirit. In the words of Primal Scream, "I just wanna be free to do what I wanna do". However, this is a bit bloody difficult when some young boy believes he needs your owner! Owner? I mean really! The only person I belong to is myself. Although, apparently the boy bought me for the grand total of £5 for me: I don't think I am going to ever see money like that in my life, so fair play to the fella, I suppose!

Still, it does not stop me feeling mightily peeved when the boy decides to put me in that ridiculous ball thing and watches as I run around trying to get the hell out of there! It took me a while, but I worked out a way to get out. Not only can I get out the ball but also I can get out the giant house/castle type place they keep me in. I don't just mean the pink tubey place they have given to sleep/do my business in. Nah mate, I mean the big one – the one the humans live in.  It takes immense skill, balls and guts to get out but wow, a girl needs her space from time to time! Otherwise, I’d go insane in the membrane!

I only go out for a few hours; I’m not that mean! I say that because every time I go out, the boy absolutely freaks. It’s kinda funny.  But its not as if I can get far… I’m a hamster! If he tried harder, he’d find me. Lazy bugger!

However, over time, I’ve built my own den. Its frigging cool! I’ve even built a swing to while away the time. The photo I referred you to earlier, is of me on the swing.  I manage to talk a passing squirrel into taking the photo – all he wanted in return was some nuts. All I had to do was point at a acorn tree and – boom! – The deal was done. Sucker!

I always know when its time to go home, though. Every time, without fail, the cat comes looking for me. Precious is her name! Precious! REALLY? The name could not be any further from the truth! Mind you, I have no room to talk when it comes to names!
Anyway, every time, the little bitch comes sniffing around and I have to leg it to safety.  SHE always gets a cuddle for being a good girl. I, on the other hand, get shoved back into the pink tube… riiiight where I did my business earlier in the day! Damn it!

I’m thinking of my revenge though. The other day, whilst in the evil ball, I discovered where Precious’ food is kept.  Mwahahaha… what injures cats from the inside, I wonder!