An ode to various comfort foods |
Sing me a song of comfort food All things that make you quite fat As I sit in my big ol' rocking chair As I stroke my dog and my cat It starts with a tail of two lovers One is a boy with red hair His girl is short and is blonde And her skin is awfully fair The Boy is named William And the girl her name is Marge Her Mom likes to cook a lot And therefore she is extremely large The Boy is out at the stables Grooming his favorite horse Then comes Marge looking quite upset As she stomps across the race course Marge says "I'm leaving you!" "I can't be with you anymore You love animals more than me You are quite frankly a bore!" William was shocked as she walked away He didn't know what to do or to say So he did the only thing he could do He gave his horse some more hay Then William walked down to the Greasy Spoon And he then sat alone at the bar He ordered a root beer float He knew he would not get very far. Marge went back to her home And said "I broke up with Will." Her Mother said "OK Honey." "Just eat until you've had your fill." While William was sipping his root bear The Cook shimmied up to the bar And said "What troubles you Sir?" "You look worse then my wife's car!" "My girlfriend broke up with me!" William cried into his root beer "Because I was to fond of animals That is the worst that I fear!" "I think it's isn't your fault." The cook said with a purr "You see I know the whole family Is highly allergic to fur!" "If she doesn't want to admit That her allergies forced the break up Than you probobly don't need that girl Here, have my famous fruit cup!" William he smiled and shed a tear As he ate the delicious fruit Marge eating at home Stains formed on her best suit Her Mom had piled before her A feast of immeasurable size And Marge decided she would eat it all Her stomach was larger then her eyes She ate the mashed potatoes And had some asparagus And then as she ate the artichokes She started to swear and to cuss "I'm feeling so awfully itchy! Right here on my rear and my back!" She then slurped up her tomato soup And her lips gave an awful big smack! "My Dear I'm afraid there is one way. Out of our allergy to fur Is to become the thing we're allergic to." Said her Mom as she picked out a bur Marge looked at her hands And saw that they turned into hooves On her belly she saw an udder Full of wrinkly grooves. She realized much to her horror That she was a black and white cow Her Mom said "Sorry Dear." "But William will like you better now." So Marge got off her seat And took off her stained clothes And set off to find her true love She just had to follow her nose William said good bye to the Cook And headed off for home Then he noticed in the rain A Cow that was starting to roam "What is a cow doing here? So far from the farm and the hay?" The Cow went up and nuzzled him It looked like she wanted to play Will said "By gosh you're friendly!" "I'm not sure where you belong." So he took her home And that is the end of my song. |