Three Beds Short.

I've spent hours searching for someone out there who has put pen to paper and expressed what I'm feeling. Expressed the anger I have at our health system and at myself. Expressed the overwhelming sorrow I feel. Alas, no one, was all I found. No piece written, no soothing words anywhere; nothing.

Perhaps I should give you some background so that it will become clear as to why my opinions are so strong. I find it probable that you will all think of how foolish young love is - I shall not argue, nor even disagree with this. Yet this is where my story started.

I had recently become enthralled in a girl. A girl who brightened my day; lit up my eyes; imbued a smile into my very being. It saddens me to say that time - and possibly, to some extent, under-aged drinking - have blurred and ruined a great deal of memories from our relationship. However, we met through a friend that I, at the time, held close. I quickly became the supporting voice when life was bearing down on her. I stood right there beside her; through the depression; through the anxiety; through the countless psych' evaluations. Amazingly, she began to get happier. She made it through the anniversary of Michael's death (her best friend since birth, nigh on a brother). I had managed to help her through one of the hardest times since Michael had died (a tragic car accident) just the year before.

Admittedly as time went on, I began to become restless with the relationship. I cared immensely for her; for Josie. When in a relationship, I become increasingly uncomfortable once life has started to settle down. Once everything is becoming repetitive; I am, to put this blunt, scared of being caught in a rut. However, this was when I, and her loving family, learned of her eating disorders. We learned of her Anorexia.

Any doubts I had were shot to the back of my mind; I had no room to carry them, I was needed elsewhere. I stood by her, reassuring her that it would be okay. I tried, in vain, to encourage her to eat. In the end, her energy levels were close to non-existent and her health was deteriorating at alarmingly dangerous speeds. I recall having to physically carry her from room to room. My beautiful Josie was admitted into Monash's anorexia ward. I was told by countless people that I could do nothing. "Stand by her side, Josh. It's all you can go do." came from every direction. If there's one thing in the world that truly renders me terrified, it is inability. I was hit with an overwhelming feeling of failure.

A night of drinking arrived a week, or perhaps two, after Josie's hospital admittance. I lack the ability to describe how truly horrible my deeds were. I woke up naked, in the house of a girl I had met the day before. I woke up naked, in the bed of a girl I had met the day before. I am ashamed just typing it.

Once my hangover had receded, I learned that Josie had been allowed to leave the hospital. She was to 'return home, under strict supervision.' Even though she was in such high spirits, I decided to do the right thing and brake the news to her. She was not angry, nor was she sad. She did not yell or cry. She did nothing.

I have, without a doubt, pushed her away from the road to recovery with my deeds. Thus, I have taken every emotional beating that came my way. I have stood before countless rants, lectures and insults. I have deserved them; I do deserve them. Yet even with my pathetic actions, Josie is recovering (slowly but surely). We have been lucky with her treatment, she took to it with no struggle - unlike most.

Even though Anorexia and other eating disorders are frighteningly common, people seem so ignorant of them. I realise now how ignorant I was and I see every day how ignorant others still are. While attending 'Psychology' classes at school, we were studying mental disorders - including, but not limited to: Anorexia, Depression, Anxiety, Bipolar, Schizophrenia and OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) - and the class were unable to fathom many of these disorders. Worse yet, the teacher herself struggled to comprehend them.

Most, if not all, people are ignorant of metal disorders which makes coping with them that much harder. Yet, on top of this lack of knowledge the government decides to make severe cuts to the health system. You've got to be f***ing kidding, right? Monash's anorexia ward has eight beds available for patients. Yet the average number of patients sits closer to eleven. Running on assumptions and observations, the rest of the medical system isn't doing much better. The only thing in the hospital that was even close to my expectations was the food-court - hospital food is, indeed horrible.

I feel better after writing this, I feel like it will make someone a little more wary of the topic. Even if it's only one person, I'm happy.


- Josh Crawford