Skinner and the Chocolate Factory.

Skinner and the Chocolate Factory.

Disclaimer: The Simpson's belong to Twentieth Century Fox Film Corporation. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory of which this is a parody is a book by Roald Dahl. This fan fiction is intended as a non profit parody only, no conscious attempt to defame, pass off or claim ownership has been made within this text. All characters within are purely fictional and in no way intended to resemble persons living or dead. No offence is intended to any reader, if offence is caused anyway please feel free to stop reading at any time instead of reading the entire thing then complaining anyway.

The scene opened on Principle Skinner's office at Springfield Elementary school, he was reclining in his chair talking with someone on the phone.

“Hmm, yes it would be an excellent way for the children to learn more about the manufacturing process. Uh huh. Well of course the entire school can't go but we could send a small select group of students. Oh no, thank you.” Skinner said then put the phone down. There was a knock at the door, he looked up.

“Come in.” Skinner said then Mrs Krabapple came in carrying a stack of papers.

“Good morning Seymour, I've got some more requests for supplies that need approval.” Edna said.

“Oh yes, very good, I'll look at these later.” Skinner said before he stood up, put his arm around Edna and lead her to the window.

“You know that's not really appropriate Seymour.” Edna began.

“Uh, well actually I wanted to tell you about something regarding the school. I've just got off the phone with the owner of a local chocolate factory who is allowing school trips to tour his facility. Now this group will be a small select group of students so I was thinking we could.” Skinner was interrupted by Edna.

“We could reward our honour students and maybe get a few disruptive students out of the way for a day.” she said smiling slyly at Skinner.

“Uh yes, well something like that yes.” he replied.

“Well it'll certainly be nice to have Bart and Nelson out of the way for once. HA! I might even get some actual teaching done.” Edna stated.

“Just make sure you and Ms Hoover submit a list of students by the end of today and give out permission slip wavers to the kids who are going.” Skinner instructed.

“I'll take care of it. Was there anything else?” Edna asked.

“No no, that is all. I guess I'll see you in the staff room at recess.” Skinner replied.

“Ha! Not if I see you first Seymour.” Edna replied then exited the room through the door.

Later in Edna's classroom it was near the end of the school day, the kids were working on their school work when Edna cleared her throat then stood up.

“Ok children, the good news is that there is going to be a school trip tomorrow.” Edna said.

“YAY!” the kids in the classroom yelled.

“The not so good news is that only a few of you will be going on it. Sherri, Terri, Bart Simpson, Milhouse, Jessica Lovejoy and Nelson Muntz. Here are your permission slips.” Edna said handing them out while the kids that are actually going shouted “YAY!” again. Bart and Milhouse high fived.

“We're awesome.” Bart and Milhouse said then the school bell rings signalling the end of the school day. The kids storm out of the classroom like a riot regardless of if they are going on the trip or not. Edna just shrugged.

“Eh.” Edna said then she sat back down to do some marking.

In the hallway Bart and Milhouse ran into Lisa who already looked smug.

“Oh no, don't tell me you're going on this trip as well?” Bart asked.

“What? You mean your going?” Lisa questioned incredulous.

“Yeah, we both are.” Milhouse said then smiled and wiggled his eyebrows.

“Yes, well um that's nice. See you later.” Lisa responded then ran away after her friend Allison.

“Hey Allison, wait!” she yelled. Allison stopped then waited for Lisa who followed her out of school, as they walked home they started talking about the trip.

“I can't believe they let that total dweeb on the trip and my stupid brother, he's always misbehaving.” Lisa fumed.

“Well they let Ralph on the trip, maybe it's not all about grades.” Allison said.

“Well Ralph is just, well Ralph. But what have Bart and Milhouse done to deserve to go on a trip? It was only last week he threw that stink bomb into the girls toilets.” Lisa replied irritated then suddenly Ralph ran down the side walk past them making a roaring noise.

“I'm a dragon.” Ralph said in between roars.

“Lisa you worry to much, just try and enjoy the trip and if Milhouse hits on you ignore him. Besides aren't you excited? We get to go to a real chocolate factory.” Allison responded.

“I guess so but it's like every time something good happens my idiot brother has to be there to screw it up.” Lisa said.

“I'm sure everything will turn out fine.” Allison said.

“I'm not. Not if Bart has anything to do with it.” Lisa replied.

Later on at home Bart and Lisa were watching the Itchy and Scratchy show.

“All right, Itchy and Scratchy and a trip to a chocolate factory. Good times.” Bart said.

“Why Bart I didn't know you had such enthusiasm for the manufacturing process.” Lisa replied.

“I don't, I just hope they'll be giving out lots of free samples.” Bart responded. Lisa just sighed and the cartoon started.

Itchy is on an airliner already in flight suddenly out of nowhere he pulled out a really big AK 47 style gun then forced his way into the cockpit where he knocked out both the pilots and dragged them from their seats. Then he took the controls of the aeroplane. Meanwhile Scratchy was minding his own business working in an office building, we see Itchy's hijacked plane approach then Itchy's plane flew right into it and blew up half a dozen floors including the one Scratchy was on. Both Bart and Lisa fell about laughing as Marge comes in then makes her frustrated noise.

“I don't know how you two can laugh at that. It's disgusting.” Marge said.

“Oh mom, it's just a cartoon, you don't have to take everything seriously.” Lisa replied.

“I just don't see what's so funny about a cartoon cat and mouse re enacting a terrorist outrage. Anyway I came in here to tell you that the school phoned and asked me to go on the trip with you kids, they need more responsible adults since most of the teachers still have to take a class tomorrow.” Marge said.

“ARRRRG!” screamed Bart while Lisa smiled.

“That's great news mom.” Lisa replied. Marge looked at Bart and frowned.

“Oh Bart, don't be so melodramatic. I'm just going to be there to help the kids stay safe and for the school to comply with regulations.” Marge said.

The next day at the school the tour group was getting onto the school bus which was of course driven by Otto the local substance abuser. Skinner and Marge are watching them board. Marge waved to Bart and Lisa.

“Hi kids.” Marge said as her eldest children cringed and waved back half heartedly.

“Well that seems to be everyone. After you Mrs Simpson.” Skinner said motioning for Marge to get on the bus which she did. He followed immediately.

“So like, are we good to go now?” asked Otto.

“Yes indeed we are Otto, you can pull off now.” Skinner replied. Otto closed the doors and drove the bus away. After an hour driving around Springfield Skinner approached Otto.

“Otto you do know where we are going don't you?” Skinner asked.

“Yeah sure dude, the chocolate factory on Springfield's west side.” the heavy metal obsessed bus driver replied. Skinner palmed his face.

“No Otto. You see this is why I asked you before we set off if you knew. Never mind. It's on the east side. Please just get us there in one piece.” Skinner said.

“Oooooh. Right. That's why I can't find this place anywhere. Well hold onto something, I'll have you there in a jiffy.” Otto said then slammed his foot on the gas pedal causing the bus to accelerate and run a red light. Everyone on board had to grab hold of something to avoid falling onto the floor. Cars screeched to a halt to avoid a collision with the bus.

The bus finally arrived at the chocolate factory, more by luck than judgement, there was now a small bird sticking out of the front wind shield through a crack in it. Marge and the kids got off the bus but Skinner noticed the bird.

“Otto that's coming out of your pay check. Now wait here until we get back.” Skinner said then got off the bus.

“Wow, what a drag man.” Otto said to no one in particular as he looked up at the dead bird.

The school party, kids, Marge and Skinner moved towards the factory then they saw a large double door start to open in front of them. It opened slowly with lots of light shining through it and everyone wondered what was going to come out of it. Eventually a fork life truck driven by an Oompa Loompa exited it then headed towards an out building. By now a strange looking man in a top hat had joined the group at the back.

“Well children I.” Skinner started to say before the man interrupted him.

“Oh don't worry about him, that's just Geoff taking some stock to the warehouse. Oh how rude of me, I'm Willy Wonka. I own this entire factory. Welcome to the tour!” Wonka said.

“Ah, Mr Wonka. I want to thank you for allowing us to tour your establishment.” Skinner said. Wonka looked at him as if to say “shut up”.

“Well anyway might as well get the FAQ out of the way. Don't touch anything, no really don't touch anything unless I tell you to. Yes we are called a chocolate factory but we make lots of sweets other than just chocolate. No I'm not a pedo. No, I just like the look. Right lets get this tour started. Follow me children.” Wonka said and the children follow him while Marge and Skinner looked at each other with concern then followed the group.

Wonka lead the group into the main building. They entered an area with the chocolate river and a boat by a jetty. A couple of Oompa's stop Wonka short of it.

“Hey boss, we got that pipe in the chocolate river fixed liked you asked.” one of them said.

“Good we don't want a repeat of that unfortunate Impacted German incident.” Wonka replied then he turned back to the group again and addressed them.

“Right kids, teachers and parents. If you'd just like to get on this boat we can truly begin the tour.” he said and motioned towards the open topped boat at the jetty. The group boarded it followed by Wonka who cast off then the boat floated down the chocolate river into a tunnel. It emerged and passed by a room with loud explosions. Everyone looked at Wonka.

“Oh that, that's just the explosion room. Explosions happen I say and that being the case they might as well happen where we have the proper equipment to deal with them.” Wonka said. The boat passed by other rooms.

“That's the splat room, same thing. That's the bubbling room.” Wonka explained then the boat passed by a room where the sounds of whipping and screaming could be heard.

“That's the whipping room, very important for staff moral.” Wonka said looking unhinged.

“Anyway it shouldn't be long now.” he said. Soon enough the boat arrived at the inventing room.

“Ah, here we are. The inventing room, now I can show you one of my latest inventions.” Wonka said then he tied the boat up and lead the group into the middle of the inventing room which itself looked like a huge science fictional laboratory with large impressive expensive looking machines dotted around it.

“Right. Who here likes gum?” Wonka asked but as he did so Jessica Lovejoy decided to sneak off and walked away from the group around the back of one of the large machines. Jessica was the type of child who if she saw a button she just had to press it. So she did, after the machine finished whirring some gum popped out into a holder. Jessica picked up the gum and started chewing it then wandered back to the group again.

“So you see it's an all in one three coarse meal. Oh dear.” Wonka said then stopped when he noticed Jessica starting to turn blue.

“Well thanks to this girl it seems like you're going to get a more practical demonstration of why this gum isn't quite ready to be sold just yet.” he said then palmed his face. Everyone looked at Jessica who was confused.

“Hey, what are you talking about, not ready in what way?” she asked then noticed her arms and hands turning blue.

“Uh oh.” Jessica said as she started inflating having turned quite a nice shade of blue. Everyone else just watched in stunned silence as Jessica's body swelled outwards, her clothes somehow stretching along with her gradually expanding body. However if her clothing remaining intact was a stroke of good luck for Jessica it would be the only one today. At first it just looked like she was getting fat but soon her entire torso blew up as did her arms and legs which seemed to get shorter as well as cone shaped. As her cheeks inflated her body ballooned outwards overtaking her arms, legs and neck. Her body lifted up from the floor and stared to rock gently backwards and forwards still expanding. Jessica continued to swell bigger and rounder until she was at least twelve foot across and nothing but a fully clothed deep blue sphere save for her hands, feet and head.

“I know I should be saying Ha ha but somehow this situation just phases me.” Nelson said.

“Oh my lord, that poor girl. Is she going to be okay?” Marge asked.

“So long as we get her to the juicing room in time then yes.” Wonka replied pressing a button on a beeper device before putting it away again.

“What happened to her anyway?” Marge asked.

“Well as I said before it's a three course meal gum and the third course is blueberry pie. The thing is, I never quite got around to perfecting it. So there's something of a side effect, that is anyone who eats it fills up with blueberry juice.” Wonka replied.

“Mmmmpphh! Mmmpphh! Mmpphh! Mph!” Jessica said sounding annoyed as she rolled onto her back while flapping her hands and feet uselessly. This elicited laughs and giggles from the rest of the students who immediately noticed her exposed underwear.

“I see Paris, I see France, I see Jessica's underpants.” Sherri and Terri sang mockingly.

“But she will be all right won't she?” Skinner asked.

“Yes, yes sure. If the damn juicing team hurry up and get here that is.” Wonka said as he looked around impatiently. A short time later some Oompa Loompa's arrived through a nearby doorway.

"Shall we sing the song then?" one Oompa Loompa asked.

"No sod that, lets just roll her to the juicing room, this is the second time this has happened. This month. I'm getting sick of it." the other one replied then they rolled Jessica away amid her muffled protests to be juiced before she had a catastrophic incident. The last they saw of her she was being rolled into a round tunnel then the door swung shut.

“Well um, anyway, lets all put that behind us and go see another of my new inventions.” Wonka said before leading the group back to the boat again.

They boarded it, cast off, then the boat floated away down the river and into another tunnel. Sounds of electricity could be heard as well as occasional screams. Everyone looked at Wonka again.

“What's that noise?” Skinner enquired.

“Oh that's just the high voltage room, very important part of research that. You can never have too much high voltage.” Wonka responded, everyone else looked uneasy.

“Well you can't. Except that one time when we did, nasty business that. Never mind. Anyway we should be nearly there now.” Wonka insisted.

After a short time the boat exited the tunnel and approached another jetty. Everyone got up to get off the boat but unfortunately Allison who was standing near the prow of the craft was thrown into the river when it collided with the jetty.

“Allison! No!” Lisa said as she saw her friend flung into the river. Everyone else turned and noticed then Allison surfaced coughing up whatever the river was made of. Skinner and Marge made a run onto the jetty then the bank while everyone else watched. Allison managed to swim towards the bank but couldn't quite make it out due to the thickness of the liquid and her less than Olympic swimming skills.

“Grab my legs.” Marge said to Skinner.

“But Mrs, Simpson. I hardly think that's.” Skinner began.

“Just grab them.” Marge repeated then lay down on the bank and swung her blue beehive hair towards Allison. Skinner grabbed her legs.

“Grab hold of my hair, I can lift you out.” Marge shouted to Allison who eventually managed to grab Marge's hair and then she was lifted out of the river onto the floor of the room. Marge's haircut had hardly even a hair out of place as she stood up and Skinner released her legs.

“Well that's a relief, are you okay Allison?” Skinner said. Allison coughed again.

“I think so, no wait, something is wrong. I feel funny. I feel full, really full, like I've eaten way too much on Thanksgiving.” Allison said then she started to turn orange and bloat. By now the rest of the party and Wonka had disembarked and now watched transfixed as Allison's transformation began.

“Oh no, not again. Please tell me this isn't some sort of crazy fruit transformation.” Marge said turning to Wonka.

“Uh well no, um not fruit exactly. How do you feel about gourds? Wonka responded.

“Oh no, the poor girl.” Marge said then knelt down next to Allison who was starting to look quite fat and very orange.

“I'm afraid you're becoming a pumpkin, it must have happened when you swallowed the liquid in the river.” Marge continued placing a hand on Allison's shoulder. Allison nodded.

“I guess I won't be completing the tour then.” Allison said holding her tummy as she really started to expand getting wider as her limbs bloated up, her arms and legs were now forced apart by her expansion as well. Wonka pressed his beeper again and everyone else just watched as Allison inflated to the point where her legs could no longer support her and she had to sit down. Then her arms, legs and neck were completely absorbed and her body started to look bulgy like an actual pumpkin all the while her clothes stretched out and grew with her. Allison whimpered and inflated growing to the size of a giant pumpkin at the county fair. Suddenly her transformation was complete and all she could do was sit there unable to see over her pumpkin body or move anything apart from her head, hands and feet.

“Well you're fortunate we have an antidote for that chemical, don't worry the fork life truck will be here soon.” Wonka said.

“Thanks, I feel much better about being a huge pumpkin now.” Allison replied somewhat sarcastically.

“Don't worry Allison, at least this can be reversed.” Lisa said.

“I hope so, I can't imagine living like this.” Allison replied. Before anyone could say anything else a door opened and a fork life truck driven by an Oompa Loompa arrived.

“Okay everyone back up, give them some room.” Wonka said as he waved his arms about.

“I've heard of being out of your gourd but actually becoming one?” the fork lift driver said then the group backed away, then the fork lift picked up Allison and carried her away.

“Uh well, anyway that reminds me why we came here in the first place! To the soda room!” Wonka said and the group followed him through a door.

“I had no idea a chocolate factory could be so dangerous.” Marge said to Wonka as they walked.

“Well dangerous is such an unhelpful alarmist word really, it's more embarrassing, inconvenient and as I like to point out usually temporary. I mean it's not as if they're going to die or anything. Someone gets worse news from their doctor every day.” Wonka responded.

“Uh well I guess.” Marge replied although she seemed unconvinced.

One short uneventful walk later the group arrived in the soda room where there were large vents in the ceiling, lots of machines that gave off bubbles and there are all so some machines used to produce bottled soda that are not currently in use. They enter through a double door then Wonka leads the group into the centre of the room.

“Well this is the Soda room, as I said. It's where we produce my latest drink invention.” Wonka said before Nelson got bored then said to Ralph.

“Hey, this blows, lets go look at some of the machines.” Ralph smiled.

“I'm easily lead.” he said before following Nelson. The two boys walked around the room out of sight behind some machinery then they spotted some bottles of soda sitting in an open box in the corner. Cut back to Wonka.

“Which causes inflation and floating in anyone who consumes them which is why they're not ready for sale yet.” Wonka explained.

Meanwhile Nelson and Ralph were inflated spherically and floated upwards towards the vents in the ceiling, they wanted to cry out but even their faces were inflated. They floated up and into the vents without anyone in the group noticing. On the way back to the boat Marge noticed that Nelson and Ralph were missing.

“Hey, what happened to Ralph Wiggum and Nelson?” Marge asked Skinner.

“Well Mrs Simpson in that room I'd say it's fairly obvious.” he replied.

“Oh no! You mean?” Marge asked.

“Yes. They floated up through a vent.” Skinner replied.

“Oh well, split milk I guess.” Marge said nervously.

They boarded the boat and it took them to the next room.

“So what room is this?” Lisa asked.

“Well gee, I don't know, lets see lots of chocolate, enormous amounts of chocolate. A chocolate waterfall. Could it be the chocolate room?” Bart replied sarcastically.

“Zing!” Wonka said as he lead the group from the boat into the room which contained lots of chocolate and chocolate R&D machines as well as a chocolate waterfall.

“Well as you can see this is the chocolate room, the chocolate is mostly safe. We have had one or two strange allergic reactions but after everything that's happened today I'm sure that won't happen. Heh heh.” Wonka announced.

“So are you suggesting we eat these samples?” Skinner asked.

“Well yes.” Wonka replied.

“Well you heard the man children. What are you waiting for?” Skinner asked then everyone except for Wonka started running around the room eating chocolate, Bart even dived into the chocolate waterfall. However after Marge and Lisa had eaten a few chocolates they started to gain weight, at first they became fat then obese and they waddled around the room then in a short time they both became immobile because they were so fat. They had huge bellies, butts and fat stubby limbs. Marge even had bigger breasts because of all the weight she'd gained. Their bloated puffy faces showed a look of frustration and unhappiness. For some reason their clothes stretched out with them and didn't burst, both Marge and Lisa tried repeatedly to get up but found they where far too heavy now. Wonka noticed this but no one else did yet.

“Oh come on! I thought I'd perfected it this time! You have got to be kidding me! You can not be serious!” Wonka said in utter disbelief as Marge and Lisa sat immobile while everyone else in the group stuffed their faces with chocolate even Skinner. By the time the chocolate frenzy is over Marge and Lisa where already being loaded onto fork lift trucks with a small indoor crane.

“Good lord. What happened to them?” Skinner asked.

“Well you know that very rare allergic reaction I mentioned earlier? That's it. I thought I'd eliminated it. Seems I was wrong.” Wonka responded.

“Whoa Lisa, you should really cut back on the veggies, you're starting to get fat.” Bart said laughing to himself, Lisa just made her frustrated noise in return and mumbled something uncomplimentary about her brother.

“Don't worry Lisa this is just temporary. It IS temporary right?” Marge asked from her pallet on the fork lift truck.

“Well with the right treatment you should be back to normal in a few hours.” Wonka replied then Marge and Lisa were carried away by the fork lift trucks as Wonka lead the group back to the boat again.

In the tunnel they hear noises of flatulence coming from a nearby room.

“Oh man, that's hilarious, a fart room.” Bart said.

“Well not really, it's more of a fart prevention laboratory.” Wonka replied.

“Prevention? What the hell for?” Bart responded confused.

The boat with Wonka, Bart, Skinner, Sherri, Terri and Milhouse arrives at the next room and they disembark.

“Welcome to the candy room! Which I think is safe, is it? Probably. I loose track sometimes. Anyway enjoy!” Wonka announced. The kids started running around eating candy.

“Are you sure this is safe?” Skinner asked.

“Well as sure as we really can be about anything, if you get my drift.” Wonka replied. As the other kids were enjoying the candy Milhouse approached a display of suckers (hard candy on a stick) one of which he began licking. After a few licks however Milhouse started to bloat then he suddenly became jelly like and collapsed into a clothed blob except for his head which remained normal.

“Aww why does this always happen to me?” Milhouse asked rhetorically. Terri and Sherri noticed and began to laugh at Milhouse which annoyed Bart.

“Oh so you think it's funny ladies. Well I'll give you both a laugh.” Bart said then grabbed some cherry candy from a box labelled Experimental: Do not eat then he walked up to the girls.

“Hey girls, you have got to try this cherry candy it's totally awesome.” Bart said. Sherri and Terri looked at him then shrugged and ate the candy. Almost straight away they started to turn red and transform into cherries.

“Hey you tricked us!” the twins said as they tried to waddle after Bart while they were inflating. They both pursued Bart as their waddling became slower and wider until they couldn't move any more. Their round inflated forms lifted up from the floor as their ballooning bodies absorbed their limbs and necks. Their inflation continued until they were red fully clothed twelve foot spheres.

“We're gonna get you for that Bart Simpson!” they both said flapping their hands and feet angrily but impotently.

“Oh yeah, how? You can't even move. Are you gonna use your big fat cherry powers on me?” Bart said then gave the twins each a shove causing them to rock backwards and forwards uncontrollably then they both began to scream.

“What's that girls? You want more?” Bart asked then grabbed some more cherry candy which he threw into the twins mouths as they screamed, they both swallowed the candy. Soon enough they started to inflate again more than doubling in size, their hands and feet soon disappeared into their expanding bodies. They stopped screaming as their faces inflated then their heads sunk into their rounded bodies as well. This left the twins looking like nothing more than a pair of giant cherry's wearing their outfits much to Bart's amusement.

“Bart Simpson! Stop it! That's enough. Now I think it's time to end this tour since all but one student and one of the adults has fallen victim to some kind of misfortune.” Skinner said.

“Yes I suppose you're right, but I just can't see where it all went wrong. Bringing a group of naïve badly behaved elementary school children to a place packed with unpredictable experimental candy then offer them minimal supervision. It seemed like such a good idea at the time.” Wonka replied.

“Well I don't think any of us could have seen it coming.” Skinner said.

“I suppose this is what happens when my ambition gets the better of me.” Wonka responded. Bart walked over to them.

“Hey Skinner, won't you get in trouble for what happened to all the kids?” Bart asked.

“Oh no, that's the beautiful part. The permission slips your parents signed are all so wavers surrendering your right to sue the school. After all we can't afford a costly lawsuit.” Skinner answered then Bart wandered off.

“Oh great, this means everyone will sue me.” Wonka said.

“Well then you should have made them sign a waver.” Skinner replied.

“Yes. Yes I should. Well it looks like it's jail for me.” Wonka lamented. Suddenly a klaxon started sounding.

“What's that?” Skinner asked.

“Oh god no. He's released the bees!” Wonka replied as a distinct buzzing noise filled the air then Bart came running past them.

“Run you fools! I accidentally let the bees out!” Bart said then Wonka and Skinner ran after Bart pursued by a large angry swarm of bees.

Later outside the factory everyone else in the group was back to normal and heading for the bus while Bart, Skinner and Wonka were being loaded into ambulances by EMT's. They where all covered in sting marks and unconscious. As the others headed back to the school bus.

“Mom, didn't it strike you as odd that we visited Wonka's chocolate factory yet there was no singing or judgemental moral grandstanding?” Lisa asked.

“I don't know Lisa, probably. I'm more worried about your brother. Those bees were vicious.” Marge replied as she watched the ambulances pull away.

“Well I suppose we might as well get the kids back to school.” Marge said turning to Otto.

“Sure thing Mrs S. Just let me find me Iron Maiden mix tape.” Otto replied.

The end.