For I Have Sinned

The air that morning was crisp and cool. Danica stopped to pull her wool coat closer to her, shivering despite the warmth from the early morning sun. She and the other girls had quickly finished their chores, anxious to explore the acres of corn fields growing wildly behind the institution's main building.

The younger girls scampered ahead, shrieking and laughing as they raced to the perimeter of the corn rows. Once inside the shelter of the towering plants, Danica fell back from the group. She planned to explore the furthermost corner of the vast field and wanted to make this trip alone. As much as she adored her young housemates, she also savored the rare moments of solitude when she could be alone with her thoughts. She had only ventured this far once before, in the company of the other girls. Mother Eunice would promptly rap Danica's fingers with her willow stick if she discovered that Danica had wandered this far from the main building. Danica wasn't concerned though; she had wandered these fields every day for the past 10 years. She had memorized every twist and turn of the seemingly endless maze. Besides, she thought, she was nearly nineteen years old! She was no longer the scrawny helpless child that had been dropped on the boarding home's doorstep ten years ago.

The further Danica ventured into the dense growth, it became increasingly difficult to navigate; the trails were overgrown and tangled, unlike the trampled down trails in the main field. If her memory served her correctly, she would soon reach the furthest confines of the corn rows, upon which bordered acres of sprawling forest. With the unruly plants blocking out most of the morning sun, Danica found the temperature in this section of the field to be especially frigid. She raised her cold fingers to her mouth, blowing on them to encourage the warmth and circulation to return. Distracted by her efforts to warm her numb fingers, she was unaware of his arrival until she felt the tiny hairs on the back of her neck rise in response to the realization that she was no longer alone. She spun on her heel, slamming abruptly into a solid, muscled chest. Gasping in shock, her feet scrambled for purchase on the uneven ground. She felt her ankle twist awkwardly and give out as two strong hands caught her waist in an attempt to steady her. She gasped in pain as her full weight came to rest on her injured ankle.

Danica stared up at the man who held firmly to her waist, her heart pounding wildly in her chest. His slate gray eyes met hers with an intensity that caused her breath to catch in her throat.

"You startled me", she breathed, looking down at her hands, which had somehow come to rest on his firm forearms. A hot flush spread over her cheeks at the intimacy of their embrace. She promptly dropped her hands to her side, casting her eyes downward to avoid his unnerving gaze.

"Do you think you can stand on your own?" he asked.

"Yes, thank you, I'm fine, really", she whispered, willing herself to stand straighter despite the dull throb in her ankle.

The man finally released her, allowing her to take a tentative step back. Danica glanced up at the strikingly handsome man clad in black from head to foot, a square of white material at his throat, marking him as a man of the cloth. He stood a full head taller than her, his lean, well-muscled frame filling the space between them. He was nothing like the frail and elderly Father Taylor who had visited the girl’s home for the last 10 years, offering spiritual guidance to the many troubled and wayward girls. This man couldn't have been much older than Danica, perhaps five years at the most. A shock of black hair fell across his startling gray eyes. His sun darkened skin, strong jawline, full lips and aristocratic nose should have graced the covers of a fashion magazine. It was hard to believe that this man spent his days indoors, absorbed in prayer. Danica was aware that her gaze lingered on his face much longer than was appropriate for a young girl in the company of a man not related to her. She could not recall ever being in this close proximity to a man, and she caught herself wanting to close the distance once again, to press her small frame against his hard, masculine one. She gasped at her wicked thoughts and felt the familiar heat creep back into her cheeks.

"You must be Father Kieran", she stammered, "Did Sister Eunice send you?"

"Yes, I'm sorry I frightened you" he apologized, his gaze never leaving her face. "Sister Eunice asked me to find you. She was concerned when the girls returned to the dorm without you".

His mouth curved into a warm smile, easing her initial fear and apprehension.

"I was just about to head back, I'm sorry you had to come all the way out here for me". She attempted to once again rest her weight on her ankle, wincing at the still present ache.

"Sit down and let me look at your ankle", he urged.

Danica considered protesting, but his command left little room for discussion. Offering his hand, Father Kieran helped Danica settle to the ground as he crouched beside her. Taking her small ankle into his hands, he gently pressed on it. Although the pain was still present, Danica barely noticed as the contact of his strong fingers sent jolts of sensation up her slender leg. Her breath escaped her in gasp that had nothing to do with her injured ankle. His slate eyes lifted to hers,
"It doesn't appear to be broken, but you may have sprained it. Do you think you can walk on it?"
"Yes, I think I just need a moment"
Nodding, he shrugged off his jacket and spread it out on the ground beside her. He patted the coat and offered his hand to her.
"Here, sit on my coat, you'll catch a cold sitting on this frigid ground".
"Thank you, but that really isn't necessary" Danica protested, but he was already on his knees in front of her, lifting her to settle her on the coat. Danica's breath caught in her throat as his warm hands lingered on her hips; the heat of his touch scorching her through the thin material of her sundress. She raised her eyes and her stomach clenched as his heated gaze met hers. Without thinking, Danica lifted her fingers to his face, gently trailing them across his full lower lip. Having never touched a man's face before, she could not deny herself the temptation to explore each angular line of his handsome face . As her fingers traced across his lips and down his freshly shaven jawline, she heard his sharp intake of breath.

"Danica, you test my restraint" he warned in a low voice, abruptly grabbing her hand to still her.

Danica stared back at him, breathing heavily as her mind attempted to process what was happening. She had never even kissed a boy and now she was attempting to seduce a grown man, a priest nonetheless! She knew that she should be ashamed of her behavior, but her intense curiosity about this man overpowered her reasoning.

With her small hand still clutched in his, Father Kieran leaned toward Danica, his intense eyes never leaving hers. He smelled of warm leather and soap, a heady combination that intoxicated her senses. His lips touched hers tentatively, stilling to allow her to adjust to the shock of her first kiss. His mouth was warm and soft on hers and she felt herself leaning into the kiss, anxious to experience more. Her lips parted as she felt his tongue push gently against them. She gasped into his mouth as his tongue found hers and began to intimately caress her own. Danica boldly took his tongue deeper into her mouth, finally pulling back to lick curiously at his lower lip. Father Kieran groaned deeply and brought his hand up to her hair, tangling her long auburn strands in his fist. Gently tugging her head back, he brought his lips to the slender column of her throat. Trailing searing kisses down her neck, he began to work at the buttons of her coat and sundress, partially exposing the soft swell of her breasts. Danica pulled back suddenly, panicked by how quickly their intimacy had progressed.
"I don't know-" she started to say, as his lips came down again to crush hers in an aggressive claiming that was entirely different from their kiss moments ago. Danica brought her hands up and pushed against his solid chest, attempting to regain some space between them. Father Kieran swiftly caught her hands and brought them together above her head, pressing his length against her as he increased the intensity of his kiss. Danica struggled to free her hands, a hot sticky fear creeping in, mingling with her still present desire.
Father Kieran adjusted his grip; one hand still held her wrists while the other moved lower to his belt buckle. She began to buck wildly beneath him as he released the clasp and pulled the belt free.
"Danica. I'm not going to hurt you" he whispered, his warm breath on her ear sending a shiver down her spine. Danica was panting now, her eyes those of a trapped animal. Her mind raced, desperately trying to process the unfamiliar sensations coursing through her body.
"If you want this to stop, just tell me, I won't force you". His words eased her panic somewhat and she ceased her struggles, though her body remained taut beneath his.
"I'm going to tie this belt around your wrists, but it won't be so tight that it will hurt you, okay?"
Danica nodded, her wide eyes staring into his.

Danica's knees began to shake as he secured the wide belt around her wrists. She was beginning to question her sanity. What was wrong with her? She had never allowed a boy to touch her intimately and now she was permitting a stranger, a priest, to kiss her and restrain her in a corn field, miles away from help........

TO BE CONTINUED