Fear, Panic and being a Merc

Prologue

The name's Dan, Dapper Dan. I'm a mercenary. A stone cold killer for hire. You want a guy dead you talk to me. The catch is though, I'm in the “weird” department of assassins. You want a guy to kill a horse wielding his “sword”. Done. Or maybe a ironic firefighter, one that shoots flames out of a hose. Done. Could be a KKK member with a catapult that fires nukes. Too dangerous. Now I might be a new at what I'm doing but I'm perfectly trained... (muffled voice) WHAT! NO I DON'T LIVE IN THE BASEMENT OF MY MOTHER'S LAUNDROMAT! Um, I mean, I live in a big ass mansion, with uh, a water park in the front. It has mermaids to. Freaking. Mermaids.(Same muffled voice) NO, I'M NOT LYING! (Muffled voice... again) DAMMIT MOM!(Again) UM, I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING! Now were was I?( Gee, What do you think?) AN ASSIGNMENT!? WHAT KIND OF ASSIGNMENT IS THAT? (Voice) 5 DOLLARS? Well I guess it was a start...
Assignment: Get some milk, we need new milk.
Location of target: Local Department Store
Giver of assignment: My Mommy.
Reward: 5$
I need to prepare for this job. First I need to take a bath, comb my sexy hair, and brush my-white-as-hell teeth. To give more info about me, while I'm getting ready, I'm a Caucasian, 21 year old male. My hair is brown, and right now I have a slight stubble. Alright, time to put my clothes on, I put my totally expensive trench coat, that absolutely does not have a noticeable hole in the side. I grab my weapon off the bathroom counter, which is a super, cool, radical, kick-ass laser cannon. Okay, okay, I'm lying, I actually have a razor blade. What? I'm new to this business! Anyways, I'm ready to head out. I head out of the laundry ma-uh-nsion, and walk outside.
While we are walking to the store, might as well tell ya about the place I live in. I live in a place called Paradise Coast. As you imagine, it's near the coast. In this city, you got 3 main areas here. 1) The suburbs, ya know, the place where life is perfect, and there's white picket fences, and everyone's abnormally nice to the point where it's creepy. You'll be walking around that area, and I'll guarantee, that there will be some random guy you don't even know, that you pass on the sidewalk will say “Hi”. Then it makes you want to stick the middle finger in the air at them, until they get so afraid of you, they call the police, because all their life they've been around well-mannered people so much to the fact it disturbs them when the see a middle finger.
2)The wrong side of the tracks. This is the place where you watch your ass, try too look tough, and not wearing a nerdy, white, buttoned-down shirt. If you don't do these things, then you'll get mugged, murdered, raped in the face etc.
3)The city. It's pretty much the same thing as the wrong side of the tracks, except there's malls, stores, restaurants, everywhere. Even though the area is heavily protected by law enforcement, You should still watch your ass. Also in the back of a Chinese restaurant, called Wok Suey, there is a Black Market that has all kinds of things. Weed, Guns, Surgery. It's mainly were the restaurant get's it's business because the waiting for food is abnormally long, the food is shit, and it's expensive, so no one eats there really. I only went there once, because I thought I had enough money, which was a 500, to get a real weapon. Then I noticed most of the good ones were at like 10,000 bucks! Now I couldn't steal a gun because they have armed guards there, that would do a magic trick to make my torso dissapear. So I just gave up.
The reason I don't have a real weapon, is because this city recently passed a law banning most guns. Also because I might be a little poor, a little. I never understood the government. Whenever they ban a certain item, they never realize they're making new stock for the black market. Which I know of one, once I get more money, I'll get a gun. A kick-ass one that fires lasers! (Actually that might cost waaaaayyy too much money, whatever, I might steal one?)
A thing to note int this city is that crazy shit happens all the time. Remember me talking about the KKK member with a catapult that shot nukes, that actually happened! I didn't stop them, the police did actually. So they never actually shot the nuke, but man, that's just the beginning.
Well finally, I got to the department store. I opened the doors like I owned the place, until the Indian cashier yelled “ Hey, don't walk in here like you own the place next time!”
I replied “ Be goddamn quiet”
“What did you just say to me?”
“Oh, uh, nothing.”
I walked into the back like I didn't own the place. Got the milk out of it's freezer container. I looked at the expiration date, because the owner is a cheapskating, conning, bastard, who actually sold expired milk one time, it made me check expiration dates as a habit. Date said “April 24, 2015” What was the date again? Oh yeah, April 13, should last for about two weeks. There are only two people who work in this store. The cashier's name was Omar. Most stereotypical name for a Indian guy. The boss is a shady guy named Amir. The guy has a purple suit all the time and he sits in the back of his desk like he has a evil scheme to smuggle some coke, or some other illegal drugs. I really wouldn’t be surprised if this was true. I know all this because I got a job at this place once, it was awful as hell. Omar always had me do everything else except being a cashier. I had to clean floors, arrange the products, etc. I was really the only actual employee there. One day, I was fed up with Omar. I just flipped him the bird. Being the snitch he his, he told Amir. I remember the whole thing like it was yesterday. I was cool, confident on the outside, but deep down I was nervous. “Y-a-a wanted to see me Amir.” Amir responded in a thick, deep, Indian accent, and a smug look on his face ”I see you flipped the bird on a co-worker, I am disappointed.”
“Well Omar was being a prick. He made me do everything, literally everything!”
“I'm sorry Danny, but I have more trust in Omar than you. You’re fired!”
“Amir my man, ya can't do this please, I have a wife and kids.”
“You said you have a mother.”
“Oh, yea.”
“...and you live in the basement of a her laundry mat.”
“Now you're just borderline pissing me off.”
“You think I'm not pissed that you didn't do your job! Get out ! I said you're fired dammit!”
I walked out of that store, real pissed. I remember Omar snickering at me on my way out. I swore that I would have my vengeance on Omar and Amir one day. One day.
I walk back to the cashier, and drop my milk on the counter, and ask “How much will that be?” Omar said ”Go to the back of the line.”
“What?”
“Get in the back of the line.”
One feature I didn't notice from talking with you, the reader, was that the line is long as a horse's c**k. Damn, that line actually reaches out of the store, how the hell did I not notice that? Well, I begrudgingly get to the back of the line, and I wait for 30 minutes while moving with the line. I'm still not in the store yet. I wish a terrorist would suicide bomb himself, scatter the line, while I go home, with the milk that I could steal. Also, I apparently never got the phrase “ Be careful what you wish for.” in my head enough, because what did ya know? A seemingly Muslim woman wearing a hajib, yells in a male voice “I'm f***king sick and tired of this line. I've been waiting here for exactly one day! I haven't eaten or drunken anything in the whole day. Well, I'm not putting up with this any longer, you here me everyone?” Me and a most people in line notice him ranting, for a literal hour. I guess he got fed up to the point where he said “I WON'T PUT UP WITH THIS ANY LONGER! ALLAH ACKBAR!” He opens his hajib, which is revealed with plastic explosives, dynamite and more! He pulls out a detonator out of his pocket, and that's when I start running, not looking back. BOOOMQFKHQWEPIFUGQWPFIUQW!!!!. I barely missed the impact, it tore a piece of my favorite trench coat off! That bastard I hope he's de... oh yea.
I look back at the damage, everyone was running, scattered like a fat girl that just dropped her scattered, anti-depressant, chocolates on the floor while she cries about how shitty her life is when she can actually afford chocolate, and doesn’t understand how to cherish things in life. Wait I'm off-topic, back to reality land. When the smoke cleared, I saw there was a hole in the store, blood on the walls, debris, and what little of the window pane there was. Omar came out through the hole with a dazed, confused look on his face. I was a little mad because he didn't seem wounded in any way.
Anyways, I ran home. I ran faster than a Kenyan chasing after a watermelon with Kenyan legs attached to it. I opened up the door, to my mother's laun... never mind. I sprinted across row after row of dryers and washers, uh, in the laundry room of the mansion. Yea. I met up with my mom “Don't you have the milk, Danny?” Holy shit, I just realized I just stole that milk! “Um, yea here it is.” ”Wow, you actually got some money for once in your pathetic life.” The “female dog” replied. “Just give me the 5 bucks and I'll be off in my room.” I grabbed that 5, like a mugger mugging a store. I didn't respond, I only whispered ”stupid bitch” under my breath. I walked into the base-uhrgh, my room. I take off my ruined coat, throw it on the floor, hop on the couch, and watch some TV. I turn on the QMM, the local 24/7 news coverage channel, where they talked about the bombings in Syria, Afghanistan, and my local department store. Unfortunately, I wasn’t in the camera, because it was a live recording of the damage. Should I go back to that store? Nah, I already got on this couch, I don't feel like going all the way over there. I switched to The Cartoon Channel, because QMM kinda bored me with things I already knew happened. With a day like that, I deserved to see some animated violence on TV. After a while I fell asleep on the couch.