Just Kidding

They say they're just kidding

but I think those may be lies

I'm pretty sure they mean it

I can see it in their eyes



Whenever they throw a punch my way

Or a kick or push or shove

Though the marks will fade, the scars will stay

I pretend it's out of love



Every morning I roll out of bed

and paint on a smile so bright

Behind the grin is a sense of dread

as I try to find the light



When I overhear their insults

or spot the all of their shared looks

I can feel the pain that results

and I retreat into my books



Every day I walk through the hall

I wish I could hide myself

Outward I stand so proud and tall

But inside I crouch on a dusty shelf



As I hear the snickers

when I do the things I like

the two's endless bickers

spur me to start a fight



I swallow down the injuries

that scar not my body, but my heart

When I begin to hide my oddities

I feel like a hidden work of art



They tell you not to care about what others think

and I promise that I try

But it sends me to the edge, the brink

when I struggle not to cry



I tell them I could never become anorexic or depressed

the urges to succumb to those things pound

As I tell the lies I feel the pain that I've repressed

the fears and doubts abound