To Walk in Cuddle’s Paws

         

First of all, I would like to start off by introducing you to my boyfriend Mike.  I would describe Mike as a tough rugged man who watches football, rides a Harley, and curses like a sailor.  He is definitely not in touch with his feminine side, whatsoever, so I decided to play a cruel joke on him.  Enter a male tabby cat with a reluctance to cuddle and what do you get? A cat named Cuddles of course, who I happened to name Cuddles for the sole purpose of torturing Mike.  Now let's forget about all of that for a second and enter into the dark zone, yes, it's true
ladies and gentlemen we are now entering into the twilight zone and it goes a little something like this.....

The alarm clock is ringing and you realize you are late for work and the day is already starting out, not as you planned.  You suddenly leap out of bed and rush over to the alarm clock to turn it off, but, when you catch a glimpse of your arm that is in the process of turning off the alarm clock, you realize that it looks like a cute furry kitty cat’s arm in human size. You scream at the top of your lungs and a disturbing, “Meow!” rushes through your vocal cords!  You think, "What the fuck is going on here?” and make another poor attempt to vocalize your thoughts, but all that comes out is, “Meow, Meow, Meow, Meow!”  About to have a nervous break down, you rush to the mirror to get a glimpse of this perversion of nature that is now who you are, you look, and in shock you freak out and scream obscenities, but all that comes out is, “Meow”!  Not only that, but you have recognized who the hell you are!

(Warning: for those of you who tend to have heart problems or any other kind of medical conditions, I advise you to stop reading at this point because things are going to get ugly!) 

“Oh my God! I'm friken Cuddles! I have to live the life of Cuddles?  Why?  Now I'm never gonna get laid!!!  What girl in her right mind would go out with a guy named Cuddles?”  Amidst all of the turmoil, you begin to choke, and gag, and cough, as you then spit out the nastiest hairball ever known to mankind and finally you come to terms with the fact that the hairball mess that lies on the floor is nothing, but a symbol of your new life.  I hate to say it my dear friend, but no girl in her right mind would ever screw a guy named Cuddles, so get used to it!