HouseGuests

HOUSEGUESTS

EXT- NIGHT, SEMI WOODED AREA WITH A SIDEWALK

A young woman with a backpack is walking home from class. It's dark and she is alone. She starts to hear very subtle moaning and rustling noises. She appears a little nervous and starts walking faster. She looks sideways to see five limping zombies coming out of the woods toward her. She screams and runs.

CUT TO
Shot of the woman fumbling with her keys while looking over her shoulder for the zombies. They are silhouetted on the horizon. She unlocks her door and pushes inside, slamming and locking it behind her. She turns off the lights, grabs the phone only to find its dead. She retrieves a baseball bat from a nearby closet and waits by the door, peeking out through the window. As she settles down a little, a zombie hand comes crashing through the window next to her. She screams and backs away from the window and doors as the zombies enter her house. The zombies close in around her. They suddenly break character and begin acting normal.

ZOMBIE #1 (Beth)
"So what's been going on with you? You never call me!"

The woman looks puzzled.

WOMAN (Tracy)
"Beth?!? Is that you? When did you die?!"

Beth (smiling)
See? This is what I'm talking about! I totally died last week! You never check your Facebook, I swear…

Tracy
I don't know what to say… I'm so… sorry?

Beth
Oh that's ok! Being undead isn't really that bad, I've made a bunch of new friends (gesturing to the other zombies) and I've been traveling a lot. I've got all kinds of free time now so it's pretty cool!

Tracy
Um. Wow. OK, don't be offended by this or anything but… you're not gonna eat my brains or anything are you?

Beth
Ohmygod, no!!! That's a myth, zombies don't eat brains or anything. We usually just get take out or stop somewhere on the road on the way. I totally didn't come here to eat you, I can't believe you thought that!

Tracy
(looking relieved) Oh well that's good to know. (looking wary) Why did you come here?

Beth
I dunno, I just kinda thought we could catch up! It's been so long, and I've got all this time to just wander and be undead. I thought it would be fun! What do you have going on this week?

CUT TO
Various scenes of Tracy hanging with the Zombies.
1) At a sports bar watching the game. One of the zombies (Todd) comes to the table with a pitcher and mugs for everyone, accompanied by another (Jeff) with a big plate of hot wings. Tracy looks sort of uncomfortable but is attempting to feign a good time. She is sitting uncomfortably close to another of the zombies (Angie) who's arm is rotting off next to her, as she passes her a beer she smiles halfway graciously then pushes it slightly away.

2) At a dance club, Tracy sits at a table watching the zombies who are having a big time. Jeff is dancing with a hottie backing up on him and his arm falls off as he tries to grab her ass. She looks at him like she's offended and walks off, he gestures toward her with palm up like "Hey, what's the big deal?!" etc… he laughs with Todd and they high five as he picks up his arm. Tracy puts her head down on her arms on the table in embarrassment.

3) At the park picnicking. They're sitting on blankets with a basket and food/drinks. Angie and Jeff are tossing a frisbee. A woman walks by with kids, the kids react/cry to the zombies with fear. Tracy looks annoyed.

CUT TO
INT- LIVING ROOM

Tracy is sitting on the couch with her laptop doing the bills. She looks annoyed. Beth comes in and plops down near her on a recliner. She turns on the TV.

Tracy looks up at her, puts aside her bills and computer.

Tracy
Beth, we've got to talk.

BETH
What's up?

Tracy
When you first came to visit, you said you'd be staying a few days. It's been two weeks! Your buddies drink all my beer, eat everything in my fridge, and use my car without offering to help out! Jeff (gestures to a zombie in the kitchen making a sandwich) brought my car back twice this week with a totally empty tank of gas. Are you sure you guys are zombies and not vampires? YOU'RE SUCKING ME DRY!!!
Not to mention the fact that you leave bits of rotting flesh all over the place, it's really disgusting! I find pieces of ear and whatever in the sink, you don't even bother to clean out the drain…
The smell is not something I can "get used to" as your buddy Todd so eloquently put it either!!

BETH (looking taken aback)
Wow. I had no idea you felt this way, I'm sorry to be "sucking you dry" but you're the one who insisted we stay! And it's pretty rude to take cheap shots at our physical (stalls) impairments when you know full well it's not something we can help. I'd like to see how well you hold up after you die, jeez…

Tracy
No I didn't!! I DID NOT INSIST THAT YOU STAY!! You've been making all kinds of ridiculous excuses why you couldn't leave sooner for the last two freakin' weeks! Angie's sister isn't comfortable with dead people sleeping on her new furniture, Jeff's Mom has a weak heart and can't bear to see him dead, Todd's car is still in the shop so you can't travel out of town to go stay with his family in Utah. Seriously, this is why I unfriended you forever ago and why I never call you!!!

BETH (gasps)
You unfriended me?! You said you were too busy for Facebook! You said you never call me because you pick up so much overtime to pay off your credit cards! You said we were friends!

Zombie Beth dabs at tears and sniffles.

FIne. We'll leave, but don't expect me to be one of your references for that job you just applied for. Even though I've known you longer than anyone and I give excellent references…

Tracy
Beth. You're dead. I can't put you on there anyway. Everyone would think I'm insane.

Beth is getting up to leave. She and the other zombies murmur/groan as they shuffle out the door.
She turns as they're walking out.

Beth
Well I guess this is goodbye then. I'm sorry it has to end like this.

Tracy
Me too. Good luck.

Beth
(looking reflective)
You wouldn't happen to know what Steph is up to these days, would you? Do you have her number?

Tracy
Goodbye Beth.

Tracy closes the door and returns to the living room. She sits down on the couch and breathes a sigh of relief. She looks up at the TV to see an old horror movie is on. It's a zombie movie. It's the scene where the zombies are eating their victim. She looks disgusted and mutters "ha! what. ever. if only that's all they really wanted…"