Inspired by James Dawes' interview on WNYC, this explores how good people become bad |
Sasha, born Alexander Kornikov, cleaned his AK-47 for the 5th time today. He looked up to the setting sun and savored the smell of gun oil and the gentle metallic clinks as his squad preparing for evening. Sasha’s stomach was a knot but he was overwhelmed by excitement and anticipation. Sasha pictured the faces of his family filled with pride as he marched on his graduation. His younger brothers staring at him in wide eyed admiration as he stepped in time with his fellow graduates. Sasha knew how they felt, he had felt the same way when he was their age and listened to his uncle tell stories of the war. Now it was his turned to defend his family’s way of life. It was his turned to be a hero. Sasha had always been the golden boy. Tall and handsome, sports came easy to him. Everyone in his village admire him and everyone predicted great things from him. His smile came easy and he always had time for his family and friends. People loved him and today he would make them proud. Again he glanced at the sun and struggled to remain calm. They would wait for nightfall. His orders were clear. Shoot everything that was not wearing a uniform, don’t get killed, and most of all, make sure they are dead before moving on. There were three “newbies” in his squad. Everyone was called newbie when they arrived. Most newbies were killed in their first action so no one took the time to learn their names. If he survived tonight, they would slap him on the back, welcome him to the army, and only then will they learn his name. They would take the time to know Alex and they would treat him like family. He would not be Sasha anymore, Sasha was his childhood name, the name mother’s call their sons or lovers whisper at night. In his culture you are called your real name when you become a man and tonight Sasha would be a man. The sun dipped behind a mountain and Sasha knew his squad would be moving any moment. His sergeant walked from person to person whispering encouragement or making a joke. He spent extra time with the newbies. Repeating the same message, “be clam”, “shoot to kill”, “don’t hesitate”. Sasha had heard this message over and over during his training. At first Sasha wanted to be an officer and took all the tests he could. Officers had a good life, ordering people around and always getting the best girls and vodka. He remembered his sergeant looking at his test scores and saying he would make a great front line soldier. His score were high enough but it is better to start at the front, to gain respect before becoming an officer. He knew he was lying. The test were hard and Sasha knew he failed. That didn't discourage Sasha, he attacked his training with the same energy he attacked everything in life. He excelled in every discipline and everyone said he would someday be a great soldier. Today he would prove them right. Sasha looked at the sun again. Almost time. Finally his sergeant signaled and his squad assembled near the path down into the village. Sasha knew there were other squad ready but couldn't see or hear them. When the last light faded his squad started to move. After a quick descent onto the main road they turned towards the quiet village and start moving fast. They entered the village without meeting anyone. It was dinner time and most folks were at their table laughing with family. Sasha laugh to himself, oh, tonight we will have the last laugh. A shot rang out in the distance and then another. Doors started to open and his squad started firing. Sasha shook himself and started shooting at anything moving. Sasha remembered his training, “don’t flinch when you hear bullets flying because the next one will find you” He didn’t flinch, he kept shooting and shooting. Man, woman, children, anything not in uniform found one of Sasha’s bullets. Even a dog or two took a bullet. That part he would keep secret. No on liked people that shot dogs. Sasha lost track of time and before long the shooting started to die down and then it stopped. Sasha had survived. He laughed out loud. How stupid these people were, not once had they shot back. Of course they deserved to die, his father was right. They were animals. A man’s scream spun Sasha around. A man lay beaten on the ground, surrounded by the grizzly veterans of his squad. They barked questions at him and kicked him before could answer. Sasha smiled, they were forcing him to tell his secrets. Where are guns stored? How many soldiers are on their side? He would talk, they had told him they always talked. Finally he raised his hand and pointed to house, sobbing, he dropped his hand. A shot echoed and he jerked, then lay still. The veteran motioned Sasha over and commanded him to follow. Sasha burst with excitement. He would be part of the raid. Tonight they would know his name, tonight he would become a man. They quietly approached the house and then one soldier commanded him to keep watch. Sasha leveled his rifle and concentrated on the road while the men entered the house. Long seconds of quiet stretched into minutes. Nervously Sasha kept watch on the road. Distance screams and single shots rang through the night. Suddenly a loud scream came from the house. Sasha jumped but quickly relaxed. The scream was from a woman, his team was safe. The woman continued screaming and Sasha looked at the house uncertain want to do. Tearing his eyes from the house he looked backed to the road, his orders were clear, he would guard the house. Laughter filtered out the windows and woman continued to scream breath after breath. What are they doing? Why can’t she just talk, she doesn’t need to suffer? Sasha felt uneasy and the screaming turned to sobbing and mumbled pleas, “stop, stop”. He distracted himself by studying the house. It was the usual house of the county, made of wood and set on pillars to let the flood waters past. The sobs turned into quiet weeping and he could hear shuffling inside the house. He looked up to see the front door open and a battered woman stumble down the steps. Sasha was horrified at the site. Her cloths were turn and her face was covered in blood, what had they done? He looked up to the old veterans with only questions in his face. “Next time, you’ll get a turn newbie..if you survive!” They laughed hard and patted each other on their backs. Proud of their clever joke, they kick the woman again. Sasha look down. She didn’t even cry out, she just curled herself in ball and sobbed quietly. One man, the oldest and most respected veteran, looked hard at Sasha and commanded him “throw her in the well!” Again they laughed and Sasha stared down at her broken body. This was not war. There was no honor in raping a woman and then throwing her in a well. Why would we do this? Sasha stood paralyzed and the old veteran shouted again. “throw her in the well newbie!” Sasha startled to action and gently picked the woman up. She didn’t resist, she hung limp in his arms. He slowly walked to the well in a confused dazed. He realized she was repeating the same word over and over. “sasha….sasha..sasha…” Electricity fired down Sasha’s spine. How does she know my name? I have never met this woman! This village was 200km from his, he had never been here! Sasha walked faster not liking this turn of events. He arrived at the well and hurried to throw her in. Her weeping faded into the well and with a splash, disappeared. Finally, silence. A yell behind him spun Sasha into action. Movement under the house, then a wood panel flying open. Sasha lowered his rifle. A small boy ran from under the house yelling “mama, mama!” Sasha smiled as the boy reminded him of his youngest brother, 4 years old with dark, black hair on top. The boy ran to the well yelling desperately. Not quite tall enough to look over the edge the boy jumped over and over. Sasha turned and walked towards his squad mates, a grim smile on his face. Suddenly his squad burst into laughter and Sasha turned to see the small boy dragging a stool across the dirt. What is he doing? Sasha stared at the scene trying to make sense of the boy. Dread overcame Sasha and he realized this boy was also Sasha. He had witness everything and just wanted to be with his mother. Remembering how his youngest brother could always find trouble he looked again at the well and with a start realized what he would do. He ran to towards the boy just as he placed the stool next to the well. Pushing harder, Sasha tried to reach the boy. In a blink, he was gone. Another quiet splash. Sasha fell to his knee, his mind numb. What had just happened? What had he just done? Why would that boy do that? Slowly he covered his face unable cope with his deeds, his willing help. Who was this small boy? Who was this woman? What of their family? Abruptly Sasha fell to his side, pushed by the old veteran. “Run newbie” is all he said. The telltale click of a grenade safety and the small bumps as it bounced off the sides of the well. Sasha lurked to the side and then the “whump” of the grenade stuck his ears. Water burst from the well and fell on his hands. Pink. Sasha shamefully wiped his hands on his pants. Harder and harder. The shame would not disappear. He looked around slowly. What do I do? He noticed his sergeant yelling, motioning him over. He stood up in a dazed and stumbled to his squad. A colonel he’d never seen shouted orders but he could not hear the words. Sasha realized with a start that his sergeant was yelling in his face. His mind snapped to his words, “What’s your name newbie? What’s your name?” Sasha stared at him, unsure what to say. He looked to his squad, all staring at him. He jerked his head back to his sergeant and answered, “Private Alex Kornikov sir!” He saluted crisply. His squad roared with admiration. “Grab some ammunition, we’re moving out!” his sergeant barked. Fifteen minutes later he stood at attention with the rest of his squad. The other two newbies had been wounded and had already left. He struggled to focus on the surrounding chaos. Suddenly his sergeant stood before him. “A small group of villagers have escape and are heading north. We have to find them and make sure they don’t get to the next village before us. Ready?” “Ready!” he shouted. He followed his squad north at a slow trot. Again he picture the proud faces of his family. Oh yes, they would be proud of him now. Today he had become a man. Starting today, people would call him Alex. |