Life

War. Hate. Love. Indifference. No, indifference does not belong there. For if there is indifference there is no war, no hate, no love. They cannot exist because it all would be indifferent. Oh, I am so sorry. I did not mean to be rude. Let me introduce myself. My name is -. I am sorry. My name seems to have escaped me at this moment. My name. I used to know it well. Now there really is no need for a name. A name is meaningless, useless here. For there is no one, no thing to even care if I have a name. There is no one, no thing here. Just dark and cold. My new friends, Dark and Cold. Friends. I used to have friends. Or so I think I can vaguely recall someone or something that passed as a friend.

It is very dark and cold here. It is very dark and damp here. It is very dark and quiet here. Did I mention it is very dark here? One would think I would be used to the dark by now. But then again one would be mistaken. The dark is nothing new. I have had the dark for a very long time now. At least I am prone to think it has been a long span of time. Time an interesting concept. What is time really? Does time even exist here? Here. A dark and cold abyss. There is nothing but the dark here. I can walk and walk. I never bump into anyone or any thing except the dark. I have often put my hands out in search of a wall, any thing. Each time my hand is extended there nothing to feel, except the dark. I wander aimlessly. In the beginning I would often wonder if ti were day or if it were night. How many days were passing. Slowly the dark started to take over me. First my body. Then my mind. After some time I no Longer concerned myself with day or with night. The dark had crept upon me. Totally consuming my entire being. I feel tired all of the time. I never sleep. When I close my eyes sleep totally eludes me. Sleep. What a concept. What is sleep really? How does one know when one is awake and when one is asleep? When one thinks they are awake how can one be sure they are not merely partaking in an avid dream? Does life exist?  Is life not simply what one perceives it to be? Does death exist? Is death not simply what one perceives it to be? Is death sleep? Or is death simply a new life? It is very dark and cold here. Did I mention that fact previously?

Did you hear that? No, wait, listen. There it is again. That distant voice. When I first arrived here I used to hear it often. Now it is heard less. It speaks, yet I cannot understand the words it utters. Sometimes I wonder if I am supposed to understand the words. If I am meant to understand. Comprehension. Does it even exist? Is there such a thing as comprehension? it is very dark and cold here. Did I mention that fact before?

I must not have reach my goal. My nirvana so to speak. I find myself in the place. Whatever this place is. I used to have a wonderful, peaceful existence. When I disobeyed I was sent to earth to do my pennence. I thought I was doing a good job on earth. Suddenly my earthly existence ceased. Instead of returning to my original bliss I suddenly found myself here. That is the short version of how I found myself to be in this place. I really should tell you more of my past. It is very dark and cold here. Have I mentioned that?

Now about my previous existence. I used to live on a beautiful planet. If I were to tell you the name of the planet, unless you were from that planet, you would not recognize the name, and if you were from that planet, you already know the name. So there really is no need to bother with that detail. There was beauty all around. There was no negative in any thing. Negativity could never exist in any thing or anyone. I was a beautiful tiger. I roamed the fields and land. I was free. I was truly happy in mind, body, and soul. I was whole. For the most part I followed the rules. But there was one rule I had a difficult time following. We were never to go to the edge of the planet. We could walk close to the edge and look out and below, but we were never to go to the edge of the planet and look down. The day that my end there on that planet started to end started out as a beautiful day. Like so many days before I was playing and having a good time. Then it happened. It started out as an honest mistake. As I played I was not paying attention. Suddenly I myself on the edge of the planet. I looked down. I saw earth. It amused me. People, places, things so different from anything I had ever seen or experienced before. It all seemed so futile. Compared to my existence, life on earth was not something I wished to attain. It seemed so constrictive with all of the rules and regulations. The people seemed so self-centered, self-absorbed, and jaded. The earth itself had a foul, negative smell. As I looked upon the earth, without realizing what I was doing, I laughed. Suddenly there was a loud, deep voice behind me. I knew without a doubt it was the Ruler. I had angered him. I started to shake for fear of the punishment he was about to place upon me. Slowly I turned around. After what seem to be an eternity he gave me a warning. He told me to never go to the edge of the planet again. Never laugh at the people on earth. For if I ever did, I would lose everything. I would be banned to earth. I would have to start over as every human on earth has had to start, from birth on. The only way to return home would be for me to show I was worthy to return home. While on earth I would have to pass the tests that were placed before me. When I had proved myself to be kind, compassionate, tolerant, when I reached Nirvana I could return home. I was frightened. Nirvana is almost impossible to achieve. I swore I would obey. I would stay away from the edge of the planet and never mock the people on earth ever again. I was good. For several day I was very good. Then the thought of earth returned. The temptation became too strong. I went to the edge of the planet and looked down upon the earth. I studied every thing, everyone. Suddenly a laugh escaped me. This time I felt the laugh. I quickly turned around to apologize. It was too late. I had to be punished for disobeying and lying. I was banned from the planet and brought to earth. I was reborn as a human. For many years I lived as a human. I tried to pass every test that was placed in my path. I desperately wanted to return home. I continued for many years. Then one day everything was gone. I found myself in this place. At first I thought I had passed all of the tests. I had reached my Nirvana. Now so much time seems to have passed. I wonder if I have reached Nirvana or if I have reached some other state deep inside of the earth's core. It is very dark and cold here. Have I told you that fact previously?