...and you thought dragons didn't exist

“So you don't think dragons exist, huh?” I say after taking a puff of my cigarette and flick the ash mindlessly into the ashtray in front of me and my special lady friend as we sit down at our favorite restaurant on the east side of town. We chose the window booth of course since it is here where we first sat that fateful night oh so many years ago. The wooden walls give it that rustic feel that we are absolutely charmed with and the dim lighting really brings out the atmosphere and mood that I'm simply in love with.

“I mean...yeah it's kinda silly.” Susanna answers my question almost uncertain of her answer. She twirls that beautiful strawberry blonde hair and keeps her gorgeous green eyes away from my gaze as if intimidated by my query. She wore that lovely elegant strapless blue dress I love with the gold necklace and sapphire pendant set. Her pale skin color really brings out all her colorful features. She's like a Christmas present waiting to be unwrapped.

“What is so silly about the idea of dragons existing?” I take one more drag out of my menthol cigarette before putting it out in the ashtray. I blow smoke in Susanna's face, the universal sign of sex between smokers. It's a fact. “Every culture in the world at one time believed in dragons. Is that not reason enough to think that there might be some truth to that? Isn't there some famous saint that slayed a dragon in that religion of yours?” I follow up as Susanna brushes the smoke out of her face. She is so cute when she is flustered. Almost like a lost puppy and she has the cutest cough as she takes in the second hand smoke involuntarily.

“I'm not Catholic. You know that.” She places her hands on the table trying to inch toward mine to feel them but to no success and the disappointment is written all over her face. The range of emotions I can make her feel is fascinating. I would never have thought that someone could be so persistent with someone they love.

“Yes, yes.” I light up another cigarette with my plain as day clear blue lighter. There is no point in buying a name brand one when these things tend to wind up missing wherever you go. Such a shame that people spend so much on meaningless addictions. I would roll my own cigarettes but who am I kidding? I'm not a hobo. “Tell me, dear; why do you love me?” A question even I was surprised at. What is this feeling I have all of sudden? Maybe I feel guilty. That last look of disappointment on her face hit me harder than I thought. Human emotion just seemed so foreign and new to me and now here I am searching for validation in this relationship I started on a whim. I wanted to see how far I could go with it before she left me.

“Remember the night we met?” She pauses to wait for my reply, but I say nothing. I look at her curiously awaiting for more. “It was raining and I was alone and scared. My world was crashing down all around me and then I heard you speak. I don't remember what you said but the way you said it touched me and when you placed your coat over me to keep me from getting wet, I never felt more secure in my life. You took me into this restaurant and fed me at this very seat. Throughout this whole time all I thought was of your kindness you showed me. The kindess of a stranger who thought of me. Who--” I did not really want to interrupt her as she was speaking so highly of me but it was time to do what I do best. She was at her emotional peak and I had to shoot her in the face at point blank to get that oh so tasty emotions out and devour.

“Check please!” I shouted as I raised my hand motioning for our server. She was a beautiful latin beauty who knew no English but she was a wild beast in the sack. I don't know what heathen god her people pray to but I'm sure prayer involves a lot of male member worshiping. Especially with her gifted lips.

“Here you go, Senor Draco.” She hands me my check and speaks to me in almost perfect but heavily accented English. She drags away Susanna's lifeless body for me as I slip her a tip inside of my server's bra. I can not believe I forgot her name already. Susa...anna...rosa? I dont remember but anyway I down the rest of my scotch whiskey vodka mix and make my way out of the restaurant but not before I spank Susarosanna on the ass in which she smiles as she looks at me as I walk out the door wearing my sunglasses during night time hours.

Seconds later as I walk away from my favorite spot after soul eating my favorite person, the building erupts in brilliant wall of flames and debris and not for a second do I dare stare at it. I refuse to stare at any explosion. Its not what cool guys do after all. Some of the citizens of this fine city panic in the streets and the sounds of sirens go off as if we are in the middle of a war zone. I pull a full flavor cigarette from my cool guy cigarette pouch and flick on my lighter and light me up another square while still walking down the street.

The night kind of ended too early for me so I decided to hit up a local pub. Unfortunate for me, most of them were closed in the vicinity of the explosion which means I have to take the subway to go to my favorite pub slash sports bar slash strip club slash best chicken wings this side of the Pacific or maybe even the Atlantic: Bootsy's boobs, bear and breakfast bar. I'm sure the only reason breakfast is in the title was for alliteration purposes. Those clever folks.

After seducing the subway ticket slash token girl into giving me a free ride on the subway. I blew her brains out with my gun as she was blowing me. I held the gun to her head to maximize the amount of fear she was experiencing in order to feed of the sweet delicious emotions. I'm self aware enough to know that these people are the most passive species on this planet when it comes to shooting women in the head. Is what I'm doing wrong? I don't know this is how I survive. I don't try to think about it too much. I just keep on living.

I get on the subway feeling like and kind of looking like Johnny Depp in that one movie where he gets his eyes taken out by Eva Mendes. Maybe I should look her up one day. I would totally destroy her after a good round of sexual intercourse. If you must know, I have on a white two piece suit and fedora with white shoes. Why white? The blood soaks in and keeps it fresh a lot better than in black. My special gun I keep in my pants pocket. Just jangling around in there next to my apartment keys.

I see several school girls staring at my crotch. I already know what they want but, whats the point? They have to be a certain age for me to want their emotions. Over eighteen is preferable but over twenty one where its at. Just make sure a good amount of alcohol is in their system and it makes it oh so much sweeter. I smile at them and they swoon. Just my kind of reaction I like.

“What are your names?” I ask which is pointless since I don't remember names that well. I almost wish I didn't ask. Now I am going to have to fake my way through yet another useless conversation and I can already feel myself sobering up from earlier.

“Sarah” The one girl with black hair said while giggling. I couldn't tell if she was mocking me or not. I don't really care. In my mind, I am taking off that plaid skirt and button up shirt. I left the knee high socks on and of course her high heels she is inexplicably wearing.

“Julie.” The other one said. She had brown or maybe blonde hair. She wears the exact same outfit as her equally annoying and forgettable friend, Sandra. Not sure why I started a conversation with them. I already am bored and frustrated. I really need a gin tequila rum mix right now with a splash of soul for flavor.

“You girls go to the same school?” I ask hoping that they will ignore me which is kind of a stupid thing to hope when I am the one making the conversation. It must be the combination of boredom and impending sobriety that has me acting out masochistically towards myself with talking to idiotic teenage girls whose only use is stranger sex outside of the bar they work out of trying to go to college and be something like...I don't know...a feminist or something. Whatever girls go to college for in the first place.

“Yeah, we are like the top of our class and we are going to Bootsy's for a night out.” Samantha replied in her air headed voice that I have not grown fond of. She sounded like a bad porno actress and I really didn't care but the fact that they were going to Bootsy's had me excited since I was on my way there too.

“We're gonna get sooo drunk!” Janie shouted and everyone looked at her like she was the stupidest thing to crawl out of a petri dish. I couldn't blame them. I was thinking the same thing. It's amazing how that works out.

I made my way over to them and sat between them. I pulled out three cigarettes and they each took one and I lit all three for us and leaned back as I took that first drag and exhaled. My mind wasn't so much on the inevitable threesome I was going to have but on whether I should do society a favor and  eat their souls now.

“Where ya headed to, stranger?” Stephanie asks me as I tilt my hat down to cover my eyes. I can feel her hand on my thigh but I don't make any indication that I know so. She lets out a big wheezing as she tries to smoke to be cool in front of the cool stranger.

“You wanna have some fun with us girls tonight?” Jessica whispers in my ear after taking a drag off of her cigarette in which she was able to control her own disgusted reaction from the gift I had given to her. Her hand was on my other thigh and I still showed indifference

“I'm heading to Bootsy's hoping to see some beautiful breasts and eat some chicken.” I plainly answer. I could hardly care about their responses but I was also curious on how they would react. Yeah, I'm like that. I guess sometimes I can really be either insanely hypocritical or just flat out contradictory toward my own desires. I am so indifferent to sex and women, yet I can not tear myself away from them. I guess that's life and it's awesome mystery.

“Well you don't have to go to Bootsy's to see some boobies!” Sarah or whatever her name is opens up her shirt and places her breat on my face with my hat on still. I smell her rose scented perfume and on my lips taste glitter.

“How about these?” Janice places her breast on my head as well and the two girls jiggle them on my face. Someone's hand grabs my crotch and I tense up a little. I was too busy being bombarded by breasts that I wasn't expecting a downstairs hand shake.

“Play nice, girls. I wouldn't want to get too excited.” I made a half hearted plea for them to stop which I really didn't care. I had boobs in my face and I was not about to object to what would happen next.

“Oh look! Mister, your cock is so hard!” Jane unzipped my pants and pulled out my member and next thing I know I hear a loud bang and she falls onto the floor. My gun had went off as Sarah was trying to position herself better on me. The result was Julie's soul being eaten by me and Sarah.

The cleaning man came by and swept up Julie as me and Sarah slouched in our seats. She began smoking more of the cigarette I gave her and I had mine and Julie's in my mouth. Sarah had zipped me back up and had my gun placed in my suit pocket just so she wouldn't be the next one to get soul eaten.

“Are we there yet, man.” Sarah was still tripping off of her first soul and it being her best friend slash lover slash enemy she really was feeling the lethargic effects stronger than I was. She had buttoned her shirt back up and wore my white fedora. I looked around to see if our stop was coming up but there was no one on the subway train and it had apparently stopped. The lights weren't even on.

“I don't know.” I simply answered as I couldn't remember anything after eating Julie's soul. It was tasty but lacked that emotion I was more fond of. She tasted kind of like the subway token girl but less filling. “How old are you?” I manage to finally ask.

“I don't know, man.” She answered trying to sound like a drugged up seventies stoner. I'm starting to wonder if she ever sounds like anything that isn't a stereotype or cliché. Then, I began to think about it some more; She is the first girl I shared soul eating with, whether intentionally or otherwise. It was a beautiful thing.

“I feel like I witnessed seven supernovas each with a different color of the visible spectrum as the tears of dying chilren roll down my face in this place...with space...such a waste!” I don't know what I am saying either. This reality I getting too heavy. I mean, you don't just share souls with someone you just met. It's something that too people in love do and I haven't seen her insides yet to know if I want her to be the one.

“O-M-G!! You're like a poet!” The air headedness came back but with more of a stoned out of my mind tinge to it. I think I am in love. This world just fell in place for me. It's like life is unfolding in front of me at every step of the way.

“You think so?” I ask earnestly as I begin to tear up on the inside. I can not show her my true emotions. She would think I am not a man. I am a man. I eat souls, drink whiskey, and am proactively murderously sexists. If that's not a man then I don't know what I am doing on this planet then.

“Like yeah! I'm so not even kidding!” She sits on my lap with a look of lust plastered on her freckled face. Since when do girls have freckles? She takes my jacket off to avoid becoming her friend and furiously makes out with me.

I gasped for air as we both swallow my cigarettes but to no avail. Me and Sara here are both locked in a deadly duel for sexual soul synergy and were both winning. I can see deep inside her as she keeps up the session and I can feel all of her being in her desperate attack on my face. Her body heats up in her ferocity and I can feel a burning sensation from her crotch and my erection makes a return and answers the call of duty.

From here, I can feel her memories flooding into me. I feel that when she was young she discovered her sexuality in the middle of class with her guy friends. As the years went by, she began to furiously masturbate with every phallic object she could find until she met Julie where the two would scissor until each of them passed out. They took on oppression from their protestant school and demonstrated an ability to sex their way through school and into scholarships. All this sexual energy could only mean one thing and one thing only.

“You're my soulmate!” I manage to break away from our face fest long enough to announce my epiphany. Her eyes widen with great surprise and she smiles the cutest smile. As if she was waiting for me to come to that conclusion. She kissed me on the cheek than stood up in front of me.

“And you didn't think dragons existed.” She says as she removes all her clothing and begins a bizarre transformation into a anthropomorphic dragon with human breasts and vagina for some reason. How did she know that's what I said to blind girl I picked up years ago and fed on her soul this evening?

“Oh they so do and I want to mount this dragon!” I shouted and I began to rape her. Well, I guess it's not rape if she doesn't struggle. I continued to feed into her memories and I wanted to eat her soul but in doing so I would have eaten my soul and I would be as lifeless as all the other girls I had eaten their souls and I was not willing to do that. Also I was still high off of the effects of sharing a soul with my soulmate.

After I was done having my way with Sarah, she stood up in full human form and put her clothes back on non-chalantly. She walked over to my jacket and handed it to me. She still wore my fedora in which she looked gorgeous in by the way. I put on my jacket and the both of us left out of the subway doors.

The tunnel was dark and quiet. We held hands until we reached the nearest platform. She pulled out my gun and marveled at its design. To me it was just a revolver that fed me souls. To her it was like a weapon of the false gods of the ancient times. She had explained to me that she was a Catholic/Buddhist mix and I nodded as if I knew what she was talking about.

“That's why my hair is black and I have freckles, you see.” Somehow she was sounding more intelligent through her voice rather than her words. She's clearly mentally handicapped if she is talking like that but I still love her. Even if its because I fear for my own soul.

“Were you still wanting to go to Bootsy's?” I ask still remembering that my alcohol tank was running low and my gun was feeling droopy without my regular intake. She smiled and touched my penis and slapped my butt and kissed me on the cheek.

“Of course, sweet heart.” She said sounding like she was from Jersey Shore. Which doesn't make sense but I'm sober so I don't care. “We need more souls and booze if we are going to make it through the night.” I like her answer. She puts the gun between her breasts and walks in front of me with great speed for someone in high heels. If only I would have met her sooner would I have had the perfect person to share my life with. I don't care how crazy this world gets, I will stick by this girl's side until I run out of souls and go into the great star of the North.

We make it to Bootsy's and the first thing Sarah does is make out with a stripper carrying a plate of wings and a tequila whiskey vodka gin mix. I grab the wings and the drink and demolish the food and booze. I can feel my gun replenishing it's much needed strength. I turn around to check on Sara and see her fist deep in her latest victim. I light up three cigarettes put them in my mouth and down a glass full of somekind of alcohol that I am not going to even guess what it was. My cigarettes are safe on my lips still for the moment.

Two shots and the stripper Sara had managed to fist to death became soulless and so did the one she was scissoring at the same time. She is acting like a true novice but the bartender and DJ don't mind. They know I am just showing her the ropes. I'll let Sara finish what she is doing and move on to my own project.

I manage to pay a stripper enough to blow me in the back room. Her skin is gray and her hair raven black. I reach for my gun but I remember Sara has it and now I am really disappointed, but just as I was giving up, Sarah manages to show up with the gun and shoots her in the back. The soul felt so good as I shared it with her.

We both just sat there staring at the wall covered in green blood and several pictures of gnomes smoking pipes on mushrooms under a black light. Vague seventies rock music played through the entire building making my drunken and soul filled body slouch in my position. I don't remember much of the day but finding Sara was the best thing ever and my life will never be the same. I want chicken wings again.

Sara begins to blow me and I want to shoot her so bad right now. I just want her tasty soul but in doing so will kill me. I can't do it. I know she is thinking the same thing. I can feel her thoughts through her mouth. What a world we live in with such people in it.