Obituaries

Sketch Competition / Obituaries
Written by Craig Hosie
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A husband (Ken) and wife (Marie) in their late 80s are sitting in their home. Ken is reading the paper, Marie is knitting.

Ken
Nope love, not a soul. Not a single person we know! Bloody obituaries! I mean why bother if there's nobody in it that anyone actually knows.

Marie
That's about six weeks running dear.

Ken
Forty...six...days! I mean there's probably some old sod in a bath or something.

Marie
Aye, you would think. I mean 46 days is a long time for nobody to die is it not?

Ken
It's ridiculous. I KNOW there's dead people out there love. I know it.

Marie
Some poor beggar just waiting to be moved on.

Ken (pulls down the paper and sneaks eyes over the top)
Hold that thought....What....about....Isa!?

Marie
Isa?

Ken
She hasn't phoned you in three days. Woman's been like bloody clockwork for the passed forty years. Six o'clock, every day, without fail.

Marie
Christ, you're right! You're right Ken. Oh...Isa! (covers mouth)

Ken
Oh, ya dancer!

Marie
Ken! That's terrible. Will I phone her?

Ken
You bloody will not! And ruin my paper tomorrow.