Indebted Sadness

Running from yourself can be a very hard task. You can run away from your enemies, friends, family... But not yourself. There it is as always. Your memories come creeping up to the surface. You choke them down, and clutter your mind up with other things in the attempt to run away. But they are always there. When silence comes and you are alone, you are left to face yourself and all of your deeds. What will you find? Is it dignifying and honorable. Or maybe it is revolting and horrifying. What is it? You can try and lie to yourself. That is the point at which you truely should know that you are in trouble. When you are too ashamed to even admit what you have done to yourself.

It's not my fault! I couldn't help it.. I couldn't. I was being careful, I really was. Then out of nowhere it came at us. I was paying attention, and it just came out of nowhere. I tried to get us out of the way, but it was coming to fast. It was so bright! I swerved, but so did they! We hit head on, I felt a wave of pressure. It was so dark out, and their headlights were right in my face, I couldn't see anything. I couldn't hear anything. I couldn't feel anything.
Then I felt everything. My whole body throbbed.I got unbuckled and fell on shattered glass. I didn't realize until then that we were upside down. The glass dug into my back. I pulled my self out. I could see him then, he reached up and was pulling himself out. The car rocked back and slid. He held still. The car steadied. I reached forward and grabbed onto the car keeping it in place. I told him to get off of it. He couldn't, he had to get the others first is what he said. He pulled Anya up, she was still passed out. I could tell that was not a good sign. She was drunk, but she shouldn't have been still out. He pulled her up onto the car and it started slidding again. I held on as tight as I possibly could. It slid too hard and too fast. Before either of us could do anything it went over..
It rolled and rolled, and I was safe. I was safely up there, and they went down with the car. It slammed into a tree and spun around and it wasn't even a car anymore. It was just a heap of metal. I raced down the hill, half tumbling, half running. I got down to the car and was numb. It hurt so bad, but I couldn't acknowledge my own pain. I had to know if he was alive.
I saw in where the backseat should have been. David and Alex were all mangled. They are not alive. I crawled around the car, not processing anything. Anya. There she layed. She didn't look bad. Not bad at all. I went over to her and I tried to pick her up. I put my hand beneath her head, and it is wet. So very wet. I turned her over.. There was a giant gash in the back of her head. There is no way that she would have made it. Where was he though? I didn't see him! I wanted to find him! Then I stopped... I listened... A moan. I heard a moan. It was close, which way was it though?.... Down! I raced and fell downward. Oh my god. There he is. Oh my gosh, oh my go-- No, no, no, no, no! Oh god no! There he was, a piece of metal sticking out of his stomache. No! I went over to him. He was still alive. Blood was coming out of his mouth, he was trying to breathe. He would take a breath, and his stomache would tear around the metal, and blood would gush. I touched it. I thought maybe I could try to pull it out. Maybe? No. He tensed up.
I held his head in my hands. He looked up at me. He looked into my eyes. I thought I saw a look of pain in his eyes. Then his chest stopped rising. It sunk down and the blood flowed out. No, no, no... no..
How could I have done this. It was all my fault. It was. I ended it for him, and all of them. But here I am. I am still here. Why! Why am I still here when I just ended it for all of them? How is that fair! I don't deserve to be here, bring them back, take me instead!! It's my fault, take me! Please, oh God, please take me.. Please..