Damn it Starbucks; Valentines edition

Damn it Starbucks; valentines edition

Thanks to Starbucks making me work the close on Valentine’s Day I didn't get to do any of my valentine’s day traditions.


Dressing up like an elderly gypsy woman and handing out roses with Barbs coated in arsenic

Buying a small doll, wrapping it up in bundles so no one can see its fake and hiding a stereo which will just be blasting out loud crying, waling and occasionally I’ll shout DAMN YOU VALENTINES DAY, as I walk past any romantic place.

Setting up as a perfume toilet guy in a restaurant with my set of after shaves laced with poised ivy.

Replacing all the Vodka in Harrogate with Lemonade. (although that one might be a social service)

Breaking into Condom machines in pubs which sell wang pills and replacing them with drugs that lower blood pressure. (you thought I was going to say and poke holes in condoms, neh I'm evil, I'm not a monster)

Getting a few dozen stink bombs which I will place randomly under wobbly tables so they will randomly go of as the table moves.

Going into Thornton's and lacing all the chocolates with laxatives.

Dressing up like peoples beloved grandmothers and when any one chatting them up, goes for a slash or for another drink walking up to them and saying "Self respect" and walk away, that’s not really a valentine’s day one, more of an ultimate cock block I've been working on.

But I didn't get to do any of that where is the Justice.