Sad Ma

Sad Man by David Prisco

He sat in his empty apartment feeling alone and abandoned. He left the east coast and moved out to the west to try and start a new life. He left everything behind, his family, his friends, and the most important person of all; his 16 year old daughter who he loved with all his heart. He didn’t have anything, no money, no car, and no food in his cupboards. All he had were several bottles of pills that he used for his mental illness. But the pills never worked. He told doctor after doctor that the medications he was on were useless, but all the doctor would say is, “Let’s give this medication a try, and see how it goes.”
But it never went well. Sure, the medicine that the doctor prescribed worked for a little while, but sooner or later the little pills that he took had no effect, and sadness and depression would always return to his mind. Not too long ago he went into a gun shop and spoke to the owner; a man named Gus.
“How can I help you?”
“I want to buy a gun. I don’t want an assault rifle or anything like that. I want a revolver so that I can carry it around with me when I’m outside.”
“Well, here in the state of Arizona if you carry a pistol it has to be revealed. You can’t buy a pistol and conceal it unless you apply for a concealment permit.”
“Okay fine; can I apply for the permit?”
“Sure,” said Gus, “It will only take a few minutes. Do you have ID?”
The man took out his driver’s license and his shield and ID showing Gus that he was a retired law enforcement officer from the east coast.
“Were you on the job?” asked Gus.
“Yeah, I was but I’m retired now.”
“Well shit, you don’t have to fill out any paperwork. Since you’re a retired law enforcement officer I’ll sell you a pistol. What did you have in mind?”
“I don’t know.” The man said. “I was thinking of a Smith and Wesson revolver. Maybe a five shot.”
“Hold on, I think I’ve got what you’re looking for.” Gus said as he went into the back of the shop. A few minutes later he returned with the pistol. “It’s used but it is still in good condition, and it’s hammerless which is a nice feature. You don’t have to worry about the hammer pulling back when you pull it out of your holster.”
“This is fine Gus,” said the man. “I’ll take it and I’ll need a holster to go with it.”
“I’ll tell you what. You give me 300$ cash for the gun, and I’ll throw in the holster for free plus a box of ammunition.”
“It’s a deal.” So the man paid Gus and stuffed the gun in his waist. He shook Gus’s hand and thanked him.
“If you’re interested in assault rifles let me know; I’ll give you a great deal.”
“Thanks Gus I’ll keep that in mind.”
So, now this man who suffers with depression and spends his nights alone has a weapon in his possession. He often takes out the gun, unloads it, and pulls the trigger. He takes the gun and points it to the side of his head, and pulls the trigger as well. He stands in front of the mirror and does his a Robert De Nero impression when he acted in Taxi Driver, and points the gun at his reflection and says, “You talking to me? I said are you talking to me?”
But most of the time he sits in his dark living room and loads the gun and silently wishes he had the guts and the nerve to pull the trigger when he points the gun to the side of his head. Because the Sad Man feels he has nothing to live for. The Sad Man feels his whole life has been nothing but a waste of time. The Sad Man lost everything in his life because of depression and drug abuse and alcohol addiction.
Will the Sad Man have the courage to pull the trigger one day and end his life of misery and sorrow? Will the Sad Man end his life with his new weapon because he is tired of living a life of loneliness and sorrow? If the Sad Man shoots himself in the head will he pay for his suicide in the dungeons of Hell? Does it really matter? Because for the Sad Man every day is a life of Hell, and every day is a life of misery. So how bad can Hell be when you feel like you are living a life of Hell here on earth?