My Robot Girlfriend

(Robert watching t. v.)



T.V.: Now back to popular Russian cartoon “Shoelace and Shoe”

T.V.: Shoe and Shoelace one is meaningless without the other.



Liam: Hey Robert why you look so down its Valentine` s Day where` s Francine.



Robert: Ughh she dumped me Li for some other guy.



Liam: What ! …why ?



Robert: Because she said that I was just boring like I didn’t want to drink with her, didn’t want to smoke with, didn’t want to have unprotected freaky sex with her…I was too goody two shoes for her, wasn’t bad enough for her so she left me for John Simmons.



Liam: John Simmons he` s a major asshole. I mean the way he treats women is unbelievable.



Robert: Well that` s the kind of guys she likes Liam…the ones who treat her like shit, the ones who punch her in the face, the ones who stabs her in the face, the ones who get her pregnant and never claims for the children…yeah those ones.



Liam: Wow man…I say you know what I` ve got something that will make you feel better. A gift card to Abercrombie and Fitch !



Robert: Oh my god, Oh my god…



Liam: Yeah they just opened one in that new shopping center downtown.



Robert: Really…come on lets go !



Liam: Why you` re more happier than a porcupine meeting a pineapple.



(Liam and Robert at the shopping center).



Robert: You know what Liam thanks for cheering me up cause if you didn’t I would have hung myself.



Liam: Well thanks for not doing that Rob.



(walking down the shopping center walking towards Abercrombie and walk past a sex store).



Robert: Hey Liam what` s in there ?



Liam: Oh that` s just a sex store Robert you don’t want to go in there I` ve heard that they sell the most nastiest shit in there like cock rings, and a dildo that` s the shape of a orca whale penis.



Robert: Ewww, but anyway come on lets go in there just to see what they got.



Liam: No Robert we are not going in there now come on !



Robert: Hey Liam did you leave the gift card in the car by accident ?



Liam: No…*starts looking* Oh shit I think I did ! Stay right here while I go look for it and do not go into that sex store.



Robert: Don’t worry I wont….or will I ?



*Robert walks inside the sex store*



Robert: Hmmm I don’t know what Liam is talking there` s no nasty stuff in here just the usual dildos, whips, vibrators,  a blowup doll hmmm nothing too extreme……*sees the android* Oh my god ! What is this !?



Store Clerk: Oh yeah this our sex android dolls we just got this from Japan they said that these dolls are good and will do anything !



Robert: You only have them in white and plus it seems like the need a wax ?



Store Clerk: No we have them in Black, Asian, Hispanic, and Alien too.

Plus you can get them shaven too if you wan too.



Robert: Alien ?



Store Clerk: Yeah alien like when she cum her vagina squirts out this green substance.



Robert: Yeah never mind…but anyway how much do these things cause ?



Store Clerk: About 300 dollars.



Robert: 300 dollars … I don’t have that type of money !



Store Clerk: Well sorry man no money no pussy !



Some Stranger: *speaking to Robert* Hey, Hey man you want to know I how to get 300 dollars right now !



Robert: Um yeah



Some Stranger: Then do a favor for me then…are you willing to do it.



Robert: Yeah I` ll do anything for this doll.



Some Stranger: Okay..

*Robert walks out of the store wiping his mouth and the stranger walking out of the store while zipping his pants, Liam sees him walk out of the store*



Liam: Hey I thought I told you not to go in there.



Robert: Oh shut up I was just looking around and what the fuck took you so long to get one thing out of your car.



Liam: Because as I got the card I notice that there were some Coldplay tickets on sale and you know how much I love Coldplay.



Robert: Yeah I know but it took you that long for one ticket.



Liam: The line was long.



Robert: Oh right come on lets go.



(next scene)



*Liam sitting on the couch reading a book*



Robert: Did it come yet ?



Liam: Did what came ?



Robert: My thing that I ordered…



Liam: What thing ?



Robert: Oh just some special thing that needs to hurry the fuck up !



*doorbell rings*



Robert: Oh my god…



Delivery Man: Package for Robert Badger



Robert: Oh yes that` s me. *Robert signing clipboard*



Delivery Man: Oh right boys bring it in..



*The delivery men bring in the doll*



Liam: Jesus, Robert what the hell did you order ?



Robert: Something special…



Delivery Man: Alright boys enjoyed I know I sure did *winks*



Robert: Liam hand me that box cutter. *starts cutting the box*



Liam: I wonder what could be that big ?



Robert: Alright Liam close your eyes. *Liam closes his eyes* *Robert opens the box and takes the doll and about to reveal it to Liam* Now open them !



Liam: *his mouth drops* Oh my god…



Robert: Huh pretty neat huh ?



Liam: Robert what is this ?



Robert: A sex android doll.



Liam: A sex android doll ?…



Robert: Yeah they say that this doll will do anything for you.



Liam: Where did you order this from ?



Robert: From the sex store..



Liam: What ! I told you….



Robert: Pipe down Liam I believe that this is doll we need here I `ll show you.



Robert: Lucy X… I named her Lucy X…give Liam French kiss Liam.

*the doll French kisses him*



Liam: Oh my god that was awesome…



*Michael walks in*



Michael: Hey guys what` s that ?



Robert: A sex android doll



Michael: A sex android doll what the hell is that ?



Robert: A doll that would do anything for you…Anything that mom doesn’t do for you.



Michael: Really well I want to try this thing out !



Robert: Lucy X give my dad…what is it you want from her…?



Michael: Um um I guess a sexual activity that someone does masturbation for you instead of you doing it yourself.



Robert: You mean a hand job ?



Michael: Yeah that…



Robert: Lucy X give him the best hand job of his life…



(minutes later)



Michael: Oh my god that was fucking awesome.. Your mother never did anything like that for me ever all she does give me blowjobs and not the gagging ones the ones where she just licks the tip and says that she` s done.



(the next day)



*Robert walks into the bathroom and sees Liam head between Lucy X legs*



Robert: Oh my god Liam what the fuck are you doing ?



Liam: Um just “licking the carpet“…



Robert: Licking the carpet why the hell are you doing that she does you favors not you doing her favors…and that` s my sex doll why the hell do you have it !



Liam: Well I just wanted to do a favor for her you know…and plus her vagina taste like vanilla ice cream so sweet so creamy…



Robert: Oh my god give me Lucy X back !



Liam: Okay fine but can I just lick her asshole just for a quick minute.



Robert: No !



*Robert eating breakfast has Lucy X with him and then goes into the refrigerator to look for some orange juice comes back sees that Lucy X is not there then hearings moaning*



Oh god ! Oh god…wait wait wait ahhhh and boom goes the dynamite



Robert: *opens the pantry door in the kitchen”.

      OH MY GOD ….AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

That` s it everybody downstairs now !

Come out of the pantry now…..



*Liam, Britney, Jackie, Dana all come downstairs*



Jackie: Oh my gosh Michael why is your pants off ?



Michael: Because Jackie I just had the best sex off of my life.



Jackie: With who ?



Michael: With Lucy X



Jackie: Who the hell is Lucy X.



Michael: The greatest invention that every married man needs.



Robert: Yes and the greatest invention that every married don’t need.

Now look dad and Liam  I am getting sick and tired of you too having sex with my doll…its my doll not yours okay.. But it seems to me that saying its my property doesn’t buy you so I am sending yall to Sex Doll Awareness Class where men who are obsessed with sex dolls go to.



Britney: Wait a minute…wait a minute Robert why the hell do you have a sex doll ?



Robert: Because my girlfriend broke up with me and I needed something in my life to keep me company. 



Britney: So a sex doll would have solve your answer ?



Robert: Well you know needed some….anyway that` s not the point Britney these two whores will be going to those classes.



Liam: So you` re going send us to some class ?



Robert: Yes



Liam: Who the hell do you think you are ?



Robert: I` m the person that` s going to get yall love lives together. 



Liam: By sending us to some class ?



Robert: Yes 



Liam: I COULD KILL YOU…COME HERE YOU LITTLE BITCH !



Michael: *takes an angered Liam outside to calm him down* Look buddy let` s just go to the classes so we can get this over with.



Liam: Look Michael that son of yours think he` s so grown and shit just going to tell us to go to some class. If he would have never went into that sex store we wouldn’t be in this mess at all !!



Michael: Look buddy let` s just go these classes so we can get this shit over with. Okay ?



Liam: Okay



(the next day at the Sex Doll Awareness Class)



Ted: Hello everybody welcome to SDAC Sex Doll Awareness Class and I will be your guidance counselor today.



Everybody: Hi Ted.



Ted: So before we get started would any of yall like to introduce yourself…oh yeah you right there.



Ed: Um hi my name is Ted



Everybody: Hi Ted.



Ted: And um I` m a sex doll addict  um one while I was at work I was in a meeting I excuse myself um just to go jerk off to a picture of my sex doll I brought. *starts to cry*



Liam: Oh my god.



Ted: Its alright Ed, Its alright Ed I` ll have sex with you later on to make you feel better…



Ed: What ?



Ted: Nothing, nothing….hmmm your hair smells nice.

Would anybody else like to go…oh yes you sir with the green shirt on.



Nick: Um hi my name is Nick



Everybody: Hi Nick

Nick: And Um a sex doll addict and one time I divorced my wife just because I wanted me and my sex doll to live together. *starts crying*



Ted: That `s  alright that `s alright come here. I`ll have sex with you later on too…



Nick: What ?



Ted: Nothing , nothing hmm your hair smells nice too.



Liam: Oh my gosh Michael we have to get out of this place !



Michael: I agree Liam this place is more weirder than seeing Lady Gaga naked.



(goes home)



Liam: Look Robert were sorry that we fucked your sex doll and we will never do it again and als-



Robert: I got rid of it Liam



Liam: You … what ?



Michael: You got rid of it ?



Robert: Yes I found out that Britney was having sex with it too then I knew I just had to get rid of that bitch. No sex doll of mines is going to be licking pussy only licking dick.



Liam: Well…whose going to keep you company since Francine left ?



Robert: Tracy…



Liam: Who the hell is Tracy ?



Robert: My very own prostitute…Tracy met my dad and Liam



Tracy: Hey which one of you is going to fuck me ? Because I just stuffed everything back into place.



Liam: You could have just kept the sex doll.



The End..