this is part one. id like a critique. it is a horror story. |
ARRIVAL (Crystal) The car ride to the asylum was long and uncomfortable. But I think some of my discomfort came from my restraints. As we enter the gravel road, a huge, dark brick building came into view. The gate above the drive read “Darkplace Mental Institution”. My transporters open the door and lead me inside, set my bags down and leave. The room I find myself in is a large white and bare. At the end of one end is what appears to be a secretary’s desk. One of the nurses locks the door and takes out my gag. She then removes the straitjacket. A low, booming voice startles me. “What’s your name, miss?” a doctor behind the desk asked me. He was very muscular, attractive, and tall. “I’m Crystal.” I replied. He looked sweet and caring. “And how old are you?” “Nineteen.” “And why are you here?” “They told me that I was crazy.” In truth, I wasn’t. I’m a vampire. Nobody could understand that. That’s how I ended up here. “Let me take you to your room so that you can…get acquainted with your roommate.” The doctor led me up to my room. We went up a huge staircase that felt as though it would give out at any moment. We went down a long, dark hall. Though the lights were on, it was still dark. We turned a corner and he unlocked room 692. THE ROOMMATE (Damian) “Damian. You have a room mate.” “Shut your trap, John! Go sleep with those whores you call assistants!” I was pissed. I hate John anyways and now he had to go and wake me up for this crap? “You and your humor. This is Crystal. She will be sleeping in here.” John said maliciously. “Whatever.” I retorted. “Don’t mind him, Crystal. He’s just cranky.” John steps out and leaves Crystal and me alone. There is something about her that makes me wary. “So, why are you here?” Crystal asked me. Her voice was seductive. And very cruel. “Well, they think I’m insane.” I told her. “Why?” she asked. “I’m a Hell-Spawn. They don’t believe me.” I replied. “Oh.” She said and trailed off. “Why do they think that you’re nuts?” I asked. “They don’t believe that I’m a vampire.” She replied. “Well, well. Looks like we aren’t too different after all.” “I guess not.” Then, Jonny walks passed, stops and walks back. “Looks like we have fresh meat.” He said, eyeing Crystal hungrily. “Leave her be. She’s a vampire.” “Fa you, you miserable twat!” “Get your British-cannibal-ass out of here.” I say with a smile. Jonny and I are known to give each other crap from time to time. Jonny walks off. “So he’s a cannibal?” she asked me. “Yep. And a rapist. Raped and ate more hookers than I care to count.” “That’s…” she wandered into silence. “Look, make sure you stick with me. The doctors here are cruel. They will hurt you. If they have their way, they’ll kill you.” “Then why is this place open!?!” “They keep it under wraps. And you should know. This place is haunted. Don’t leave the room at night. Once it’s dark, be in here. No exceptions.” “Okay.” NIGHT FALL (Crystal) I disobeyed Damian. Around midnight I left the room to investigate. I walked down the long dark corridor with my only light being the small candle a held. As I walked, I heard a door creak behind me. I slowly turned around. There was nothing there. My candle burned out. I relit it and right in front of me was a girl with small round glasses smiling at me with a blood coated face and a frostbitten nose. My candle burnt out again and a hastily relit it. She was gone. Damian was right, this place is haunted. I felt a hand on my shoulder. It turned me around and my candle went out again. It lit back up and Damian was standing there and he wasn’t happy. “You stupid girl! I told you to stay in the fucking room!” he growled at me. I began to cry from fear of what I just saw and that Damian would hate me. I really liked him and a may have just ruined my chances. But just then his features softened. “I was scared that you might get hurt.” “You were?” I asked, teary eyed. “Yes. I was. Come on. Let’s get back to the room.” NIGHT 2 (Crystal) Damian agreed to take me exploring. We went down the same hall this time with a flash light. As we descended the stairs to the first floor, I heard a small meow coming from the side of the stairs. A stray kitten walked over and meowed at me. I picked him up. “Can we keep him?” “No.” Damian said sternly. “Why not?” I pouted. “I said so,” he retorted. “But look how cute he is.” He looked. “…” He was silent. I waited. “Fine.” He said. “But you have to name him.” “His name will be Whisper.” “Fine.” “Yay. Come on Whisper.” We had decided to go into the basement. We began our descent. At the bottom of the stairs the flash light died. He pulled out a lighter, grabbed one of the old torches off the wall and lit it. “Where did you get that?” I asked him. “I snuck it in.” We continued on. When we got to the end of the hall, we saw something that I will never forget. We saw the “graveyard”. We called it the “graveyard” because it is a room with bodies lined up in neat rows. That’s when I saw her. The girl I had seen the night before. I pointed this out to Damian. He told me that her name was Tess. Damian said that she was I nice girl. She had gone crazy and killed 24 people before Darkplace. One day she went into surgery for her appendix here and died on the table. Damian suspects fowl play. FRESH MEAT (Michael) They drove me to Darkplace, brought me in, and left. “What’s your name?” Asked John. “Michael.” I said. “How old are you?” John asked. “Twenty-one.” I replied. “Why are you here?” John asked. “They told me I’m a nut-job.” I said. “What are you if you aren’t a nut-job?” He asked. “A werewolf.” I told him. “Okay, then. Let’s go meet your roommates.” We walk up a flight of stairs, walk down a long hall, and enter to see a couple making love in the bed at the opposite side of the room. John clears his throat. They both look up. “What the hell do you want, John?” The boy asked. “You have a new roommate.” “I’m Michael.” I said. “This is Damian and Crystal.” John explained. “John. Leave. Now.” Damian said as he and Crystal got dressed. John turns and goes, cursing Damian under his breath. “Why do they think you’re crazy, Michael?” “I told my parents about my being a werewolf. They called this place and they had some guys drive me here.” “We believe you.” Damian assured me. “I’m a hell-spawn. She’s a…” Crystal pounced on me and held me down. “I’ll kill you! You and all of your kind!” She screamed at me. Damian pulled her off of me. “What the hell is wrong with her?!” I asked angrily. “I forgot. She’s a vampire.” He looked embarrassed. “Crystal─I’m against the war. I don’t want us to hate each other. I wanna be friends.” I told her calmly. “It was your kind that killed my family. I can’t forgive that.” Tears were streaming down her face. ”Crystal. Please, just let me try to make it up to you.” I begged. “How do you plan on doing that?” she asked. “By showing you that not all of us are bad.” “Deal.” Damian interjected. “Something you should know Michael. When it gets dark, unless we are going out, you stay. Okay?” “Alright.” MICHAEL’S FIRST NIGHT (Damian) “Michael. We are going to explore. Come on.” We crept through the halls. This is the scariest night yet. We heard things moving and groaning. Plus, we have no light. We are going in blind. My lighter only gives us light about six inches around us. As we walk we heard something above us. “The attic.” I whispered. We walk up the attic stairs and look around. We saw a rocking chair. We walked over to investigate. We heard a large body scrambling around behind us. We all whirled around to see… nothing. We turned back to the chair to see Tess standing there. She was holding a knife in one hand and a bludgeon in the other. She began to walk toward us. “Crystal, Michael… Run.” They started to run when Crystal stopped. “Damian, what are you doing?!?” Crystal exclaimed. “Staying and fighting. Run!” “No! I’m staying and fighting with you!” “No! Go now!” Michael pulled her along and down the stairs and left me to fight Tess alone. FIGHT TILL THE BLOODY END (Michael) We heard someone coming down the hall. Crystal got scared and hid with Whisper in the corner. It was outside the door now and it started to turn the knob. The door swung open and Damian fell in. He was covered in blood with a knife in his side. His face was bloody and was out cold. We helped him into his bed and pulled the knife out. The wound healed immediately. “He really is a hell-spawn.” I said with very little surprise. He awoke and sat up. “Ahh! My head!” He exclaimed, rubbing his head. “Well, that went well.” “I bet.” I said sarcastically. “Welcome home, baby!” Crystal exclaimed and jumped on top of me and kissed me. “I woulda been pissed if you died, baby.” “Why?” I asked. “I’m pregnant.” Damian hugged her and kissed her. That night the three of us and Whisper stayed up all night and talked. Damian told us the story of what happened. THE FIGHT (Damian) Tess continued to walk toward me. I stood my ground and pulled out my knife. She charged. She struck me over the head with the bludgeon. She kept hitting me until I was nearly unconscious. I stabbed her in the heart. But as I looked down, her knife was plunged into my side. I began my decent to the room. “And that’s what happened.” I concluded. “Wow.” Michael said with a very monotone voice. “Well you are safe at home now.” Crystal said, refusing to let go of me. “Yeah. I am. And now we have to take down these damn doctors. They are what caused this. They need to die.” I said with anger hidden in my tone. THE BIRTH OF A NEW KIN (Crystal) Giving birth was even less fun than I’d imagined. Especially to a hell-spawn/vampire. It burned like hell-fire. It seared my skin. But it was all worth it when our little Ruki was born. He has his fathers silver hair and my crimson eyes. His skin is pale but he will blend in well with other kids. I am glad that I now have a son whom I can love. THE CALL OF THE SUCCUBUS (Savannah; 2 years later) “Hello, young lady.” John greeted her at the door. “Hi. My name is Savannah.” Touching his chest,”What’s yours? “Restrain her.” John commanded. Two of his assistants came out and helped him and put tape over my mouth. “My name is John.” He had me brought to my room and called my parents for my info. “So she is seventeen? Okay. Well we will make sure she is in good hands. Thank you very much.” In the room next to me I began to get to know the people I will end up spending the rest of my life with. “I’m Savannah.” “I’m Damian.” The silvered hair guy said. “I’m Michael.” The other boy said. “I’m Crystal. And this is Ruki.” The girl said. “He’s so cute.” I exclaimed. “He’s me and Crystal’s son.” Damian explained. A cat walked by and jumped into Damian’s lap. “This is Whisper.” “Meow.” Whisper began to purr as Damian pet him. “I’m going to tell you the same thing I told these two when they got here. As soon as it’s dark, be in here unless we are going out. Understood?” Damian asked me. “Understood.” I replied. A DEATH IN THE FAMILY (Damian) “Crystal woke in sweat, screaming in pain. The nurses came in and rushed her into surgery. I stood by and watched. It’s all I could do. They put her under. John began to cut her open. His hands moved with precision and speed. She was sewn up. But as they waited for the anesthesia to wear off, her heart stopped. John made no effort to bring her back.” I explained to the group. “She’s dead?” Michael asked in disbelief. “That’s what he just said!” Savannah snapped. “Calm down.” I urged them. “How can you stay calm? She is the mother of your child and the woman you love! Why the fuck aren’t you crying?!?” Savannah screamed at me. “Because. I will avenge her death. John will die for this.” I said with a hell-fire in my eyes. HELL HAS FROZEN OVER (Mizore) “Hello, young lady.” The doctor behind the desk said. “What’s your name?” “Mizore.” I replied. “And yours?” “I’m John. I am one of the doctors here. How old are you?” John asked me. “I’m twenty.” I replied. “How old are you?” “Twenty nine. And why are you here?” “I froze people to death. But I didn’t mean to.” “Well, that’s okay. We will take good care of you. Let’s go to your room.” He took me to room 692. He opened the door and a little kid ran out chasing a kitten. “Leave her and go, John.” A muscular guy with long silver hair said. “Damian, never order me around again. Do you understand me?” His voice was shaky. He was scared, terrified. Why was he so frightened by this man? “Whatever.” Damian shrugged. “Now leave.” John left in a fury. “What’s your name?” “Mizore.” I replied. “I’m Damian, this is Michael and Savannah.” He introduced me to the others. “Who was that little boy?” “My son, Ruki. He was chasing our cat Whisper.” “So you must be his mother.” I said to Savannah. “His mother is dead.” Damian interjected. “Has been for a few months now. I miss her dearly, but our plans must go on.” “What plans?” “To destroy Darkplace.” A NEW RELATIONSHIP (Damian) As I lay in the dark of my room, I hear Ruki’s footsteps approaching. The footsteps stop outside the door and it opens slowly. “Daddy?” “Yeah Ruki?” “Why is Miss Mizore in your bed with you?” “Because we are in love Ruki. We are trying to make you a sibling.” “Oh.” He frowns. “What about Mommy?” “She’s gone, Ruki. She’s gone.” “Damian, I’ll go if you want to talk to Ruki alone.” “Please.” Mizore puts on her robe, as do I, and steps out. “Come here, Ruki.” He walks over cautiously; I pick him up and sit him on my lap. “Ruki. Your mother died two and a half years ago. She isn’t coming back. The doctor made sure of that.” Tears fall down my cheeks. “Your mom would have wanted me to move on. She wouldn’t want me to just sit in my Michael. That’s just the kind of person she was. Always remember that. And no body is going to take your mothers place in my heart. No one.” He nodded. “I love you, son. Go play with Whisper.” He jumped down and ran off. Mizore walked back in. “Is everything alright?” “Yes. Everything’s fine. Come back to bed.” THE DOCTOR (John) As I lie in my bed, the thoughts come. About the past, the present, the future. About the power I will have. The power that has been kept from me. I will make them pay. All of them. This world will be mine to control. I will be God. THE DOCTOR: REVIELED (John) I had a horrid childhood. Kids would always make fun of me because my father was dead and my mother was a drugged-out whore. What’s worse is that that drugged out bitch beat me and refused to feed me. She told me that I was a mistake. She said I would end up just like my father. She was wrong. I killed her and brought her head outside to show those little bastards what I could do. What I would do. That morning two men broke into my house and carried me here. To Darkplace. To my home. I was given a chance at a medical profession. I took that chance and inherited Darkplace from its previous owner. He thought that he had fixed my blood lust. He was just as wrong as my mother. Now with every creature I kill, I become more powerful. I take the most appealing trait and give it to myself. I store their bodies for later. I am waiting for a being to come. A being with the ability to raise the dead. A being like… DEATH’S DAY (John) This is the day I wave waited for. A young man named Josh came in today. He is here for raising the dead and setting them upon his high school. All I have to do is wait a few months and give him appendicitis and kill him, taking his ability. That is all that needs to happen. All in good time. JONNY GETS HUNGRY (John) I have been waiting for this moment for years. Now its time. He is ready. Josh is ready. I prepare the O.R. for his arrival. One of my nurses came through the door. “Sir, there has been a situation”, she informed me. “What?” I snapped. I don’t need problems right now. “Jonny got hungry”, she said. “What’s wrong with that?” I said. “He ate Josh”, she stated. “What?” I screamed. This couldn’t be happening. I have waited to long. I now have to resort to the one thing I always dreaded doing. The same thing Jonny had a problem with. I must eat Jonnies heart. END OF PART ONE PROTAGONISTS Damian- Age 21. About 6’2’’, muscular, wings and horns (hidden), pale, long silver hair, and yellow eyes. Means sweet and harmless. Crystal- Age 18. About 5’9’’, skinny, fangs (hidden), pale, long dark purple hair, and crimson eyes. Means a clear, brilliant glass. Michael- Age 20. About 6’, skinny, cat ears (hidden), mid length purple hair, and purple eyes. Means who resembles God. Whisper- Small black and white kitten. Means a low soft voice. Savannah- Age 17. About 5’9’’, skinny, wings (hidden), long nails (hidden), large breasts, pale, mid-length blue hair, and dark eyes. Means treeless plain. Mizore- Age 20. About 5’8’’, skinny, ice fingers/hair (sometimes in battle), pale, mid-length purple hair, big blue eyes, often has a lollipop in her mouth, wide collar white sweatshirt, black tank top, short yellow skirt, high purple and pink socks (left higher than right), and belt around left leg. Means sleet. Antagonists Tess- About 5’5’’, skinny, tan, dead. Means from Theresia. John- Age 29. About 6’1’’, muscular, always wearing a black coat, attractive face, red hair, and sword. Means God is gracious, merciful. John’s assistant DAMIAN’S STORY As a young boy, Damian knew he was different. When he would get hurt, his wounds would instantly heal. He was faster than any other kid he knew. And much stronger. One day, he had come home from school crying. Nobody cared about what had happened. He was sick of the bullies picking on him and beating him up. He just wanted to die. He went up to his roof and jumped. But instead of hitting the ground, he flew. Wings had sprouted from his back. They resembled bat wings but were made of pure darkness. From that day forward he never took anything from anyone. At the age of 16 he killed 39 people in a matter of five minutes, with his bare hands. That is how he ended up here. CRYSTAL’S STORY As a young girl, Crystal always had a blood lust. She would kill animals and drink their blood. She stopped one time and began to die. She got sick and weak do to the lack of nutrition. She snuck out one night to drink. Her parents woke her the next day and she was healthy and happy again. She was always a pale girl. And she was outcast for her behavior. She would sit alone in the back of the classroom, or the corner of the gym. She didn’t have any friends. She came home late one night and found her parents dead, half eaten by werewolves. From that day on she hated the race. She vowed that she would wipe out their existence. Until she met Michael. MICHAEL’S STORY There isn’t much to tell about Michael. He was your average high school kid. Except the fact that he was part wolf. But that was no huge deal as long as he kept it secret. He knew since he was a little boy about his animal side. It never bothered him though. In fact he quite liked it. He thought it was fun. He then saw what his people would do to vampires, animals and even humans. He vowed to be different then them. He wanted nothing but peace. And now he could prove it to a vampire. TESS’S STORY As a young girl, Tess was picked on constantly. She was made fun of for her glasses, lisp, and for having a father in prison. At the age of 16 she lost her mind and stabbed her mother 27 times. After a year, she went into school and killed 21 people, students and teachers alike. She was sent to prison, and there she strangled an inmate and a guard to death. She was then sent to Darkplace and had been labeled as criminally insane. JOHN’S STORY He was hated as a kid. This caused him to become hateful himself. He likes his job. He likes putting his patients in pain. He like prostituting the female residents. He is evil. He has no conscience. He runs Darkplace. The only way to take out Darkplace is to take him out first. SAVANNAH’S STORY She was always the girl that guys wanted. She was the girl in high school that slept with anyone she wanted. Most didn’t think this is odd but it’s truly due to the fact that she is a succubus. Her body is her tool to seduce boys into sex. She just wants to have fun and had no malicious intent. MIZORE’S STORY She was always a quite girl. She sat at the back of the class and didn’t have any friends. What she did have, though, was a temper. All throughout her life she had an amazing power to freeze things and manipulate ice. One day, she lost control and froze sixteen people on accident. She was arrested and taken to Dark Place. |